listen to can i get a witness- marvin gaye

The Perfect Summer Tote

The perfect tote bag is the accessory of the summer. When my tote is on point I feel my whole look is elevated, which is how I feel about my outerwear in colder weather. 
Warm weather is asking for us to roll up a blanket, grab a book, perhaps pack some eats, and chill on the grass somewhere. It’s truly time to stop and smell the roses. I love being outdoors, as well as being somewhat prepared to park myself there, even for 15 minutes. I am rejuvenated when I can stretch out, catch some vitamin D, read or people watch, and enjoy the beautiful, simple pleasure of sitting in the fresh air. I often carry a light blanket that’s very foldable in my tote, as well as my book of the moment, travel sunscreen and bug spray, and a healthy snack. I like to be prepared in general, and a bag that’s not only roomy but chic helps me feel cute and ready. A sturdy bag is a must have for every day, the beach, and for travel.

Connecting the Dots

I came across this message on Instagram on a wonderful tai chi account I follow, @regenerationtaichi with Jamie Alonge. I have held on to this kind of message for years. It’s never not relevant. While the sources, syntax, and wording appear different the underlying message is consistent, steady, and true. Since all is fleeting and impermanent, when whatever joyful, calm, and balanced moment will inevitably pass, I will again turn back to this knowing. Pain has purpose. Confusion leads to clarity. Feeling disempowered invites us to regain our power. Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs. There is no way to be a human being without experiencing massive emotional wounding, as is stated in the first line. In Buddhism the first of the four noble truths is that life inherently contains pain and suffering. There is nothing wrong with you nor did you invite your hurt into your life. No, you don’t deserve it. You are not being punished. You are just human and hurt (a lot of it) is part of the deal. It’s certainly not personal. Everyone goes through it. 
One of the things I have learned is that just like hurting is normal and natural, so is healing. Tremendous healing. We are intrinsically designed for it on every level; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Faith and trust amidst deep pain and confusion has really helped me get through dark times. Knowing I am being guided through the scary tunnel, without knowing what the other side looks like, has helped anchor me when I’m feeling unmoored. When I’m feeling betrayed and turned away from by humans, I remind myself that God/the dharma/the Universe/Source has my back and my heart at all times. I feel my nervous system open up, even a little, when I remind myself of this truth. I have seen clearly throughout my trajectory all the times the shit show du jour was not just inviting me to evolve, but demanding it. We often get the same lessons and themes taught to us in different packaging until we push through and shed old conditioning. I damn well know what my lessons have been and continue to be. I bet you know yours too. It’s really interesting what themes keep popping up that require our attention. Know that Source believes in you. You were made for great things. Shedding skins is a necessary part of the path. We are an extension of nature and so we have seasons. 
I hope these words resonate with you and remind you that the story is much bigger than what’s going on right now. Honor your feelings in this moment while knowing your whole life is an ocean and this moment is just a wave. A yoga teacher once told our class, “I promise you that you are being taken care of”. This changed my life at a time I had never heard anything like this before. But it deeply felt right and I believe that to this day. 

**as a spelling and grammar nut I must point out that “sole” is glaringly misspelled (oof). It’s obviously meant to be “soul”. See? Even wisdom has its bumps. 

Warm Summer Salad w Balsamic

I threw this together last week for dinner and it was a big hit! Consider this a cross between a warm veggie side and a salad. Fresh summer corn, snap peas, and cherry tomatoes are sautéed with some balsamic vinegar, lightly seasoned, then tossed with crisp arugula. This is a beautiful accompaniment to any protein, I served it alongside grilled chicken to my meat eaters. My vegetarian guests enjoyed this with tofu. The vibrant summer colors are just as visually appealing as this tastes. Farm fresh seasonal goodness is one of the most joyous aspects to Summer. 

Ingredients, serves 4-6: 

2 cups each loose fresh corn kernels, sugar snap peas (trimmed), and cherry tomatoes 
4 cups arugula 
1/2 cup packed, chopped fresh parsley 
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar 
Olive oil, salt, pepper 

In a large wok or sauté pan, heat 3 tbsp olive oil. Add the snap peas and tomatoes and sauté 2 minutes, then add the corn and cook another 3 minutes stirring often. While it’s all sautéing, add 2 tbsp of the balsamic vinegar and lightly season with salt and pepper. The tomatoes will give off some liquid while cooking, this should keep the pan moist. When the vegetables are fork tender and have absorbed the balsamic, remove from heat and let cool for a few minutes. Add the arugula to a large bowl and toss with the remaining tbsp balsamic. You can squeeze some fresh lemon over the greens if you like, and/or add another drizzle of olive oil (optional). Add the warm vegetables and parsley to the arugula and toss gently to combine. Enjoy! 

listen to aaliyah- rock the boat

Chillin

Loving this summer look! Wide legged white jeans (these are Frame), a short sleeve linen button down, and pastel slides. Easy and breezy. I admit to caving to these insanely overpriced Balenciaga shoes. They’re essentially fancy crocs. I was tired at the mall and it was an impulse purchase, but they’re cool and I do enjoy them. They’re super cute for vacation, with shorts, or a daytime mini dress. I have stayed away from the white jeans trend until now; it seemed too cookie cutter Hamptons to me. I love this pair because they are loose on the leg but flattering on the tush. I love pairing them with a fitted tank in any color, and adding a boyfriend blazer for going out to dinner. The half, loose topknot felt like the right hair move. My one beachy bracelet was the only needed accessory. Ease is the theme:) 
I love this look because it looks and feels like the epitome of summer. Light, clean colors and textures that emit casual freshness while still retraining some structure. This is a great brunch look, which was where I was headed when I took these pics. 

Air Quality

This week was literally wild. Raging wildfires in Canada that destroyed at least 800 million acres of land (much belonging to indigenous peoples) found its way over here, atmospherically. New York air quality was deemed the worst in the world for a couple days. That is a staggering and frightening assessment. Pictures saturated the internet with our air photographing as fully orange. New York everyday pollution mixed with the residue from the wildfires (in another country!!) was scary and dangerous to breathe in. Masks reappeared on the streets and many stayed home. It was absolutely reminiscent of Covid. Breathing, every living creature’s natural born right, was unsafe. My 13 year old son immediately felt something was wrong as we left the house early on Tuesday morning. What I dismissed as an overcast sky was indeed a huge natural disaster. My son googled and confirmed the Canadian fires. I was amazed that he knew right away, at his ability to feel beyond what we could see. That natural intuition is such a guide. It connects us to nature in a way that the mind doesn’t catch up to. This led us to a discussion about how we are so deeply interconnected and affected by one another. I told him that if a tsunami happens in one part of the world, then all the oceans are affected. This is both daunting and uplifting to me at once. The responsibility we have towards each other and towards our earth is tremendous. Our actions never stay in our own atmosphere. What we do, say, and think will be breathed in by others. Our energy is felt by everyone around us, even by beings not just directly in our midst. If my fires are raging inside me, I guarantee you’d feel it and it likely would not feel safe or healthy. Humans have the capacity to burn each other down with word and deed. We are never acting alone. We often take each other for granted, just like we take fresh air for granted (I know I certainly did before this happened). 
So what is the quality we are cultivating in our individual atmospheres, that in turn affect those sharing our air space? What choices am I making for what I breathe in and therefore breathe out? What we inhale and take in is a very big deal. Each breath is an opportunity to either improve the health of our atmospheres or detract from it. Even periods of sustaining our health requires more healthy intakes. We can only maintain the quality of our inner landscape by watering and fertilizing it with beneficial choices. What am I reading, scrolling, eating, thinking, saying, doing, how am I reacting? What is the quality of my relationships? How am I spending my time?What repeating thought patterns are harmful to both myself and others? What pervasive emotions are taking up too much space? Where am I procrastinating in my life/not appreciating myself/getting stuck? What am I inhaling that blocks my own flow? These are such important questions. We ingest so much detrimental crap without ever realizing it. This week was a gift in that way. It was a shot of perspective about atmospheric health, and how it must not be taken for granted. I was struck not just with how clean air is a gift, but that so is each moment to moment opportunity to breathe in every sense, literally and metaphorically. 
We were understandably freaked out over here and focused on our own impact, rightfully so. It was scary to breathe. After I came out of my bubble of self absorption I thought about the homeless, the animals, the flowers, the plants, and all beings in nature who had nowhere to seek refuge from the unhealthy atmosphere. I thanked god for a house where my family and I could remain safe, that we could protect our lungs and bodies. Many are not as fortunate in this way, and it was heartbreaking to think about it. More heartbreaking not to though; since we are completely interconnected when we lose sight of that, things go awry. We don’t function healthily in any form of separation. To hold each other through pain and sorrow, as well as joy and celebration, is nature. 
I spoke about this topic at the nursing home where I’m a chaplain intern. The seniors deeply responded to the questions around atmospheric health and wellness. Even many folks in their 90’s never learned that they have the power over what they breathe in. Most go their whole lives without understanding their own power of agency and choice. No one told them otherwise. It’s certainly a new concept for me as well. 
Let’s take care of ourselves and each other one good decision at a time, however small. Let’s create inner atmospheres of well being that support us and those around us. We are all sharing air space. What a blessing to contribute to the health of all beings. What we take in is what we will put back out. Our choices determine the quality of our air and our lives, which as I’m writing this seems like the exact same thing. To breathe is to live. To cease to breathe is to die. Each breath is so precious. 
Wishing our friends in Canada much healing and regrowing.

Sautéed Kale & Peas w Lemon

This has been my go to veggie side lately, sometimes it’s even just a light dinner. Simple, fast, warm, and filling. Crunchy kale and plump peas are sautéed then get a nice squeeze of fresh lemon. This works great on its own as a side or plated under or next to your favorite protein. Grilled fish or chicken would look delicious atop these gorgeous greens. Any kind of egg would also be super for brunch or lunch; poached, sunny side up, or an omelette. The very essence of farm to table. 

I’d allot 2 cups raw kale and 1 cup peas per person. The kale cooks down and reduces in size. I eat the leftovers next day at room temp. 


Ingredients for 2 to 3 people: 
4 cups raw, chopped kale 
2 cups fresh peas 
Juice of 1 1/2 lemons 
Olive oil 
Salt, pepper 
1/4 cup vegetable broth 

In your largest sauté pan heat 3 tbsp olive oil. When hot, add the peas and sauté for about 3 minutes, stirring often. Add the kale (in batches if necessary) and half the vegetable broth (this keeps the pan moist and speeds up the cooking process). Mix well and sauté until the kale cooks down, adding the rest of the kale. Add remaining veg stock if needed. Squeeze the lemon over as the vegetables cook, adding salt and pepper. Stir and finish cooking another minute or 2. This whole process takes me about ten minutes. When done, adjust salt and pepper to taste and finish off with the remaining lemon half if desired. I’m a huge lemon gal so I always add it:). 

Queen of Hearts

Hello, Friends! There’s a lot going on here so let’s break down the building blocks of this look: bright, patterned skirt, classic denim button down, a statement Crown (this might be redundant; is there a crown that doesn’t make a statement?), and a bold shoe. Color is queen here, and there are pops of it from head to toe. The denim shirt in a light wash anchors the look and lends balance to whatever else is going on. I have come to love wearing hearts, and not just on my sleeve. They’re happy, round, and communicate joy and sweetness. What’s not to love? My crown was purchased years ago at a time where I most certainly did not feel like a queen in any way, and wearing it was actually a major step in my return to inner sovereignty. Embodying royalty (which we all are) is a courageous act of self love, which is why I paired the skirt and crown together. I have had the J Crew shirt and neon Marc Jacobs pumps forever, and it was fun to repurpose them in this bold, cute way. 
We find love by creating it wherever we can. 

Listen to boston bun- don't wanna dance

Jewish Matchmaking

Ok, so I haven’t yet watched this new series on Netflix yet. I have heard from both Jewish and non Jewish friends alike that it’s a good watch. I do like the host, Aleeza Ben Shalom, who is the religious Jewish matchmaker. I’ve seen clips on Instagram and I find her really likable with great, sincere energy. Plus, I think it’s great that an orthodox and observant woman has her own popular show on Netflix! However, she is known for a catchphrase that I think is one of the worst pieces of dating advice: “date em till you hate em”. Having been in the post divorce dating pool for 6 years now, I find this advice to be unhealthy, reckless, and counterintuitive. What I mean by the latter is that continuing to date someone you don’t like or don’t have good instincts about for whatever reason (the person could be perfectly lovely just not for you) is teaching you to override your own intuition. This is what I also mean by reckless. No one should ever advise anyone to overstep their own intuition. I don’t know about you but I am just now learning to honor and respect my own intuition. The last thing I need is for anyone to instruct me to abandon my gut instincts for the sake of a date with someone I low key dislike. Dating is a very vulnerable and raw endeavor, and honoring and honing our dating instincts is a muscle that must be continuously flexed. It’s a practice that slowly builds the most important dating skills: self trust and self respect. I don’t feel I’m respecting myself if I’m going on a date with someone I’m genuinely not interested in. There are many other things I could be doing with my precious time and energy, and my time and energy are extremely valuable and not to be wasted (I do enough of that by scrolling on my damn phone). Speaking of which, I have long reached the point in my life where I don’t agree with “it’s just a date”. No, it’s not. It’s me putting effort into getting dolled up, shlepping to meet someone that doesn’t necessarily excite me, leaving my kids for a few hours, not doing things that are important to me, etc. Point being, if I’m going to go out I need to feel baseline optimism and possibility about the other person. It’s not just a date; it’s my time, energy, effort, and resources. Singles, I encourage you to hold these as if you are holding a precious jewel. Follow your gut. Use discernment unapologetically. Practice this life skill and build up self trust. It’s an invaluable investment that no one can make stronger but you. You are worth good, cautious, loving judgment. 
Back to Aleeza’s advice. First of all, I’m not looking to hate anyone. Aren’t I going through the dating process to find love? Both I and the world certainly don’t need to find ways to add more hatred and separation into the mix. I’m not even in the market to dislike someone, let alone hate them. Why put either of us through that? It’s like when someone tells me beer and liquor are an acquired taste. I have never understood why I would put myself through that to drink something I simply don’t enjoy. If it doesn’t add value I don’t need to force myself. Another problem I have with this dating mantra is that it recklessly teaches low standards. Unless you hate someone and are totally grossed out by them, keep seeing them! Is that the new bar? Mild tolerance? If my lack of interest doesn’t yet translate to utter aversion, then I’ll see you at 8. No thanks. I agree that we have to sometimes give people more chances. Canceling the suitor too quickly can often be rash, rigid, a form of insecurity, unrealistic in expectations, or a form of control. It’s of course a case by case basis, and only you know why you do or don’t want to go out again. But what I have learned is that if I want to go out again there has to be something, however small, that’s piquing my genuine interest. When I first began dating I was happy to have any excuse to get my hair done, wear a pretty outfit, and feel like a lady. You can guess how those dates turned out by virtue of the fact that I’m writing this article. I’d come home disappointed and annoyed that I wasted a good blowout. I long ago graduated from that stage, and it was necessary in my learning curve. It took me years to treat myself and my time with the dignity and respect I deserve. I needed to practice good judgment, discernment, and intuition. It was a skill I’d never been modeled or taught. It was a tough and necessary part of my journey in being able to rewrite my story. 
I vividly recall what a mess I was when I entered dating post divorce. By that I mean I had zero emotional intelligence and romantic maturity. This is a very specific skill set that takes years of learning, research, and practice. I got married when I was 20 and simply did not have the relational awareness that healthy dating requires. I was in dire need of attention, had years of codependency to excavate (though I didn’t know it until years later), and was optimistic to a fault. My lens was clouded with raw need. Had someone told me to date until I hate, that would have actually been harmful. It’s putting both parties through a bizarre process that’s neither honest nor authentic. Or respectful. I’d be mortified if a man said about me, “I’m not interested in her but I don’t hate her yet so I’ll ask her out again”. Ewwwwwww, right? We must date with integrity which means considering the other person’s feelings too. Treating myself with integrity means I’ll treat the other as such. 
Dating is many things, like life: exciting, mysterious, disappointing, heartbreaking, confusing, fun, ridiculous, and exhausting at times. It takes stamina and resolve to keep putting ourselves out there. I believe we drain ourselves of our precious energetic resources when we walk into situations we don’t want to be in. Knowing how to purposefully recharge my own batteries by saying no, helps me have clarity and confidence to say yes when it feels right. 
Dear Daters, take the advice of others with a grain of salt, including mine. Heed what wisdom feels right to you and move away from the rest. You have the capacity to know yourself better than anyone, build that up by making one sound decision at a time. Gentle baby steps. Hold yourself. Learn how precious you are. Believe in your ability to navigate dating and life. It will be hard, sure, but not as hard as being in the wrong relationship out of the fear of being alone. I want a great love story. Not everyone does, and that’s ok. Some are content with companionship. We all operate differently which is why blanket advice usually doesn’t work. This is an exercise in following your own heart and refusing to settle for less than It’s deepest wish. God made you for great things. That, to me, is the essence of Jewish matchmaking as an ideal. 

**Aleeza, you are so fantastic and I can’t wait to watch you help people find love. What a gift to be able to contribute to the world in this way.

Fresh Mint Iced Tea

This just might be your new favorite summer beverage. It’s hella obvious but I just started making it recently. 
The Buddhist retreat center where I go twice annually serves this oh so refreshing iced mint tea everyday at lunch in the summer. There’s no air conditioning in this facility; it used to be a monastery in the 1930’s. Last summer it was 98 degrees all week on retreat, and this drink was my midday salvation. I just made a huge batch of this for a recent Jewish holiday and it was a huge hit with teens and adults alike. As my daughter put it, “it’s so nice to have another healthy beverage option”. I love water but have been reaching for this lately. It’s a lovely, cooling palette cleanser that is super simple to put together. Very easily serves a crowd in a large drink dispenser. 

You’ll need: 
Mint tea bags (amount depends on how much you’re making. There’s no set amount but you want an iced tea color) 
A bunch or two of fresh mint leaves 
Optional sliced lemon 

Fill your container with cold water and steep a bunch of tea bags, about 20 minutes for a smaller serving and at least 30 minutes for a pitcher or drink dispenser. Add a nice handful of fresh mint leaves, some ice cubes, and lemon slices if desired (or as garnish as seen here). And remember everything tastes better in a mason jar. 

French Toast Feedback

So today on this Mother’s Day I felt ready to try something new with my kids. Over brunch at one of our favorite NYC spots, I did my usual thing in which we go around the table and say loving, appreciative things about the guest of honor. That has become a time honored family tradition that we all look forward to. This year I added a twist that took all of us, including me, by surprise. I asked each of my 4 kids to share with me something they’d like me to work on/improve upon as a mother. This was a risk and I admit to having felt a bit trepidatious. I had no idea what they’d say but it felt like a really important question. They were floored. After they absorbed my request for feedback over French toast, both my girls said they were very impressed. I explained that if motherhood is about caring for other beings (that pass through our bodies), then such feedback will help me do a better job at that. I was actually very proud of myself; this is an uncomfortable exercise. I asked that they share their critiques (which is different than criticism) in a kind and skillful way. It is Mother’s Day after all and I’m not a masochist. They were indeed careful and respectful which I really appreciated.
I learned to communicate this way from my zen teacher, Sensei Dr Kōshin Paley Ellison, at the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. Zen Buddhism is about being in relationship. How we function in relationship to ourselves, to others, to each moment, to animals, to the earth, to actions, to thoughts, to feelings, to breathing. To literally everything. This directly impacts and determines the quality and purpose of our lives. There are various schools of Buddhism and I was dropped into this particular lineage, which is Soto Zen. It was clearly what I needed since the universe placed me there in 2019.
Motherhood isn’t about having children; it’s about being in relationship to our children. How we care for that relationship is everything. Mothers are human and we (I) will make tons of mistakes. I shudder when I think about certain ones I have made. It makes me sick. In zen we say fall down 7 times and get up 8. No shame just acknowledge, be accountable, and do better next time. Shame is a waste of time but healthy embarrassment is constructive. Our relationship with our kids is alive. It breathes, grows, and changes just like all parties in the relationship do. Through my learnings I have realized that in order to be in relationship in a healthy way that enables me to fully give proper care, I need to be attuned and tweak and adjust as I go along. This requires humility and a strong enough center to receive and act on feedback. I think it was the humility that partly had my kids stunned as we passed around the popovers. Parents are so often authoritarian because we have to be. We are in charge so there’s an automatic hierarchy of power. This is natural. It’s an important balance to maintain authority and also allow for our children to have their own reality and voice. Lord knows how feeling voiceless when I was a kid traumatized me. I’m only learning now (again, through my teacher’s specific approach to Buddhist psychology since he is also a psychoanalyst) how deeply and painfully that impacted me and followed me into adulthood. It affected everything and I’m still untangling. It’s a crucial part of any healing process to apply the learnings of our own needs to the needs of others. If I felt voiceless in my family of origin, then part of the healing is to give my kids a different experience. Again, I will mess up big time but if the willingness is there to admit to that and then sincerely reroute, then that alone is steering all our ships in a healthier direction.
It was clear that each of my children really appreciated my asking for how I could improve as a mother. I appreciated my boldness and sincerity as well. Honesty is not for the weak. It takes courage. And guess what? While they each gave me excellent critiques it wasn’t nearly as scary as what the frightened part of my brain (reptilian survival brain) predicted. It was all completely valid. They deserved to be heard and I deserved to know. I cannot tweak what I’m unaware of. They can’t be heard if they’re not invited to share. Honesty and healthy critique, which zen teaches, is a great kindness. It’s how we help each other do better. Silence and fear based codependent stifling is unkind to all parties. Without honesty we stay stuck in these stale, unhealthy lifelong relational dynamics. Good and loving feedback is a gift.
I feel good that on this Mother’s Day I was strong enough to genuinely ask this. It’s a first for me. I’d definitely have been too fragile to ask prior. It has taken me time to rebuild my center, and that center is the place from which all my relationships stem from. Growth is always available if we put in the time to care for ourselves. Mothers are the soil and our offspring grow directly from us and our own capacity to nourish them. Life only grows and flourishes from nutrient rich earth. To not nourish ourselves is harmful to both ourselves and others. I also felt so much pride in my kids’s responses and their appreciation and understanding of the assignment. Feeling heard is a gift. Honesty is a gift. What they each shared was extremely helpful.
As I received the adorable and heartfelt presents they each got me to celebrate me on Mother’s Day, I felt very much in relationship to these 4 beings in a healthy, loving, and open way. Intimacy was deepened, and that is always the goal. There’s no time for anything else. I want to add this tradition to our repertoire. It instinctively felt right and important. They deserve a mother who really wants to know. Motherhood isn’t about my ego; it’s a soul’s calling and the soul wants nothing other than to love, connect, and offer care.
May all mothers be brave and loving to the fullest extent. May we be strong enough to listen and give our kindest attention to what’s needed.

listen to the police- king of pain

Blue+Yellow= Cute

Love a good color block! I have had both of these pieces for many years and love pairing them to create one of my favorite color combos. These fab shoes were a new purchase this Spring, and the shades of yellow go so perfectly together. There is something so fresh and bright about a clean, vibrant color block. We are taught to respond to primary colors since preschool, and I find that that psychological imprint reveals itself still today. This look takes me back to fun finger painting days in nursery school where mixing our primaries was the first order of business. Blue and yellow make green was one of the first things I recall learning. A crisp yellow shirt or shoe is a pop of sunshine. Paired with blue it’s an evocation of the sun in the sky. I love this outfit because it mixes bold colors with conservative silhouettes while the heels and skirt length highlight a nice stretch of leg to break it up. I maintain that conservative clothes don’t need to be bland and unexciting. It’s all about how we style and highlight them. The very few accessories here are yellow gold to coordinate. Extra points for matching accurately with my planter.
Have some old school fun with your color combos and bask in your fashion creations. All of this means nothing if we aren’t learning to enjoy ourselves.

Irreplaceable

I am super freaked out by those new robotic K9 police dogs that made their debut in New York recently. First of all, have you seen them?? They give off major Headless Horseman vibes and look like a failed experiment in Jurassic Park, to say the least. They are creepy AF. I admit to having done no research on these robots and I have a ton of questions about how this will be safe and effective. I was always very moved hearing stories about policemen and their actual dogs. It seems to me that in such a difficult and dangerous line of work, an emotional connection between human and animal is vital for the well being of the officer. Will a robot whimper if their partner is shot? Will the robot know how to instinctively feel (FEEL!!!) if their human is in danger and pounce? This makes me sad and angry; real, living, emotional connections continue to be replaced by manufactured, unnatural, soulless enterprises. I assume these changes are largely financially motivated which obviously makes this even more disheartening and scary.
This past week it was announced that Bed Bath and Beyond, one of my favorite stores, is closing due to going out of business. Like so many other businesses both small and large that have been destroyed by online shopping, BBB, an institution, will soon be a memory. So too with hundreds of Walmarts. And have you heard of Flippy? It’s a burger flipping robot used by White Castle to cook. The first Flippy debuted in Indiana and was deemed successful. Now the fast food chain will be expanding into a fleet of robotic short order cooks. With so many living, breathing beings being replaced by machines, how is unemployment not going to skyrocket? To what extent does “efficiency” take presidency over actual people? I know this is an old question but I have been super alarmed by all of this lately. People are losing their jobs like dominoes in favor of machinery. In addition to the multitude of issues this raises, on a deeper level it sends a clear and traumatic message: we are replaceable. We don’t matter enough to have staying power. We are no longer needed. I feel trapped in a world where emotional human responses to these types of changes, which are often of a devastating nature, are unheard, unanswered, and ignored. They are simply not convenient because they get in the way of “the future”. Furthermore, there is shaming involved in said devastating responses; one who protests is considered to be stuck in the past, out of touch, and old.
Having grown up in a highly conditional and ultra competitive family of origin where outward appearance was law, there was always a covert message that lest I deliver/behave in a certain way then I’d be replaced. Not in the literal sense but through criticism and withdrawals of kindness and affection. I had to work hard to feel I mattered. This was achieved through approval which required me to bang my head against a wall trying to figure out how to get my doggie treat. It was deeply confusing and painful. I became an expert. This was a pattern that naturally followed me into adulthood until I became aware of it (which was devastating and caused tremendous grief). I was once in a relationship where I was actually told that I was replaceable. On the list of highly traumatizing words a person can ever hear, “replaceable” is up there. We only replace what no longer means anything to us. Things we no longer need. Old clothes, a broken tv, an actual supermarket, a phone call, the list is endless. But each thing we discard contains the same message: I no longer have use for you. The conversation around robotic replacement is so much greater than economics, AI, and the future. It’s way bigger than Silicon Valley churning out ideas “to make the world a better place”. Not only will unemployment skyrocket but so will depression. Sending the message to living beings that they don’t matter anymore will have massive emotional ramifications. I don’t believe the collective psyche will be able to withstand it. My heart breaks for everyone who is at the mercy of these insane changes, as well as for the people implementing them; imagine going to work to create ways to cut real living, breathing creatures out of the picture. It’s unhealthy and bad for the soul. It’s a stampede on the heartbeat of the collective, a chokehold on life. There’s such a cold apathy to all of it that frightens me. It will lead to great suffering.
Let this serve as a reminder that we must remember our nature which is to connect. It is the soul’s very purpose, which is why it hurts so much when we neglect it and forget. Human connection and care is irreplaceable. You are irreplaceable no matter what messages may be out there to the contrary. Eye contact, reduced screen time, physical touch, conversation with a stranger, connecting with nature, dancing, preparing a meal, or taking a simple walk and smiling at others seem so simple but contain tremendous opportunities to feel connection. We die without connection on every level. It’s essential for our survival in every sense. We can’t control these changes happening in the world. We are living in dark times. The medicine of connection is desperately needed and is available in endless ordinary ways. And finding the extraordinary amidst the ordinary is a miracle that will never be replaced.

Country Club Twirl

Twirling in vibrant tulle on the courts! This look says “country club but keep it fun”; it’s a great combo of sporty, fun, and flouncy femme. A bright colored tulle skirt is surprisingly versatile. I’ve worn it with a tank, a white or faded denim button down, fun t shirt, cami and blazer (length of blazer is everything), or with a fitted polo as seen here. I stick to neutral colored tops since the skirt is it’s own bold statement. Compete in tennis, not in wardrobe. A fresh white sneaker that’s on the dressier side is a perfect daytime shoe. Obv this skirt can be worn with pumps or high heeled sandals (and the right top) for fancier occasions. This skirt reminds me of the iconic Carrie Bradshaw tulle skirt in the opener of Sex and the City, and it’s so fun to recreate that vibe. I was headed to a ladies luncheon when I put this outfit together; it was a fun crowd that doesn’t take themselves too seriously so I dug out my amazing custom denim jacket that was gifted to me at the start of my blogging journey from the best manager in the world (thank you, Tzvia!!). Sequined emoji appliqués for the win. To recap, the building blocks of this look are a full skirt in a bold hue, a fitted polo with a popped collar, clean white sneaker, and a denim jacket with the rolled up sleeves and another popped collar. So easy to pull off and so fun and comfortable to wear. It’s a winning look that’s playful and put together. Game, set, match!

listen to billy Joel- lullabye

Timeless Wisdom

Last week I made a list of advice I don’t want to wait to follow. So often we only heed and give advice at the end of our lives. Why wait?? This week my senior friends and I at the nursing home (where I serve as a chaplain intern) discussed this idea. I grabbed the precious opportunity to collect advice from them. We are going to put it on a poster and hang it up. As is life, our list is a work in progress. The seniors loved this concept and were engaged participants. It was wonderful to watch them  tap into their own treasure troves of inner knowledge. We all know way more than we give ourselves credit for! This is one of the most miraculous parts of spiritual friendship; we help and support each other on life’s path of endless learning. No one has all the answers but everyone has all the questions. Sharing and receiving pearls of wisdom is an essential act of grace and generosity. We so often give shitty, arrogant, unsolicited advice. Why not offer that which truly has value?
Here is the list the seniors have complied thus far:

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
*in Buddhism this is known as right speech. Weighing our words, the purpose of them, the value they contribute or don’t, are they coming from ego or spirit. Right speech is extremely effective and karmically sound. Each word and action plants a seed for nourishment or separation.

Pick up litter, even if it’s not ours. None of us want garbage tossed on us like we don’t matter. The earth has feelings and does everything for us.

The golden rule: treat others as we want to be treated. So obvious yet so often ignored!

Be kind to your neighbor. Kindness goes such a long way, even in the smallest gestures. It shows people they matter.

Remember the oppressed: creatures, animals, human beings. We can’t save or help everyone, even most beings. But we must think about them, be aware of their suffering, and send them healing in the ways we can. We are all interconnected. Prayers and energy travel.

Treat your body as your friend. It’s the home for the soul.

Honor your parents and ancestors. We wouldn’t be here without them.

Life is to be enjoyed not endured (this was a favorite!)

Choose and chase joy. Even when it’s hard. Even in seemingly small ways.

Work on releasing grudges. Forgive ourselves when it doesn’t feel possible. Even the intention to do so is a loosening in the hard knot of a grudge.

Be Here Now. We only live right now in this moment. It’s always Now o’clock.

Allow life to surprise us. Don’t give up on miracles.

I’m so grateful to spend time regularly with my friends in this senior community. My time with them will soon be coming to a close. It’s been a beautiful 2 years serving in this space, and my advice to myself is to take what I have learned from them and integrate it, pay it forward, and apply it. Take it from the older generations; they have invaluable lived experience.

Statement Blazer

This blazer literally makes a one word statement; it’s covered with “je’taime” which is French for “I love you”. J’adore this piece! It’s a classic blazer dipped in romance and whimsy, the perfect balance of masculine and feminine energies. A statement blazer makes fabulous transitional outerwear. NYC, like most of the world from what I’m hearing, has been experiencing batshit crazy weather lately. Two weeks ago it was 90 degrees, today it’s 50 and pouring. Seasons are sadly no longer predictable weather wise due to the climate crisis, and (on a superficial level) I like to be prepared with a variety of outerwear options that are still seasonally appropriate. I don’t care if it’s cold out; it’s almost May goddamit and my winter coats are in the attic already, where they shall remain for the next 6 months. This blazer is sooooo versatile because of its neutral cream and black color scheme. It can look good over tons of looks ranging from casual (jeans and a tee) to cocktail (a silk slip dress in any color, a mini dress, dress slacks and a cami). Here I’m wearing it over basic black so I added the red necklace for a pop of color. Cool sneakers work for the daytime street style look I was going for to meet a potential DJ client. Professional, fun, structured, with personality: that’s how I’d describe this outfit. The right blazer definitely makes a statement on any occasion, and what better statement is there to make than love? Here’s to literally wearing our hearts on our sleeves.