PB Chocolate Chip Bites
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These are the best and easiest bites I’ve made to date. Like all things, practice makes perfect (though perfect is not the goal). Let’s land on practice making things better, shall we?
These clean and delicious bite sized treats took mere minutes to make. I keep most in the freezer and take out a few as needed to have ready in the fridge when my daily snack craving hits. Small and satisfying, these lil balls are sure to satisfy your sweet tooth in a way that makes dessert actually good for you.
Recipe for 15 to 18 (each being no bigger than a quarter, at least that’s how I did it):
5 or 6 large pitted medjool dates, soaked in hot water for 15 minutes if they’re hard
1 1/2 cup dry old fashioned oats
2 tbsp pure maple syrup **I used sugar free Choc Zero maple syrup. I get it from Amazon and I love it.
1 tbsp honey
1 to 1 1/2 tsp vanilla
2 pinches kosher or sea salt
2 generous tbsp of peanut butter or your preferred nut butter **I used Skippy natural creamy. Chunky would be great too.
2 tbsp melted coconut oil
Generous handful of mini chocolate chips **I used sugar free Lily’s.
In a food processor, add all the ingredients except the chocolate chips. Pulse as needed to combine into a cohesive mixture. Adjust ingredients as needed after tasting the mixture. Transfer the mixture to a medium size bowl. Fold in the chocolate chips by hand and mix.
Line an airtight container with parchment or baking paper. Roll mixture into balls, evenly distributing the chocolate chips. Freeze or refrigerate as needed.
This basic recipe pre chocolate chips makes an easy and versatile base for however you want to play with this concept. Add flax or chia seeds, blueberries, agave, chopped nuts, shredded coconut; very hard to go wrong here. This is a great way to teach kids that indulgence can be responsible, portioned, and totally yummy. Healthy snacking is always a win.
Don’t Wait
/You know those Instagram posts where senior citizens give life advice to the rest of us? I love those; I love older people, their wisdom, and the instant shot of perspective that comes with many decades of life experience. We would do well to heed even part of their suggestions. They know what they’re talking about and are generous to share with us what they know to be true. And here’s the thing: these precious pieces of advice are so obvious, simple, and clear. Yet we often need to hear them from other sources and even more so, we agree with them but ignore them anyway. It’s so sad and curious when the resonance is so clear and we still look away for whatever the reason. Inner wisdom is often no match for habitual, subconscious behavior. It’s hard to not pay attention to wisdom coming from people who are in the final stages of life. They have learned valuable lessons and felt the sting of regret. They likely know how to spend the remainder of the precious, fading time they have left. They know there’s no more time to waste on foolishness in any direction.
And so I’ve been asking myself: what the hell am I waiting for to follow deeply sage advice?? Until I’m 90?? What is the point of stopping to read such advice and then continue on with all the useless bullshit that eats up my time, energy, focus, and my mental/emotional/spiritual resources?
So let’s make a list together. The thing with any list is that is just words on a page until we turn them into actions and choices. It’s enough sleepwalking through life, and we all do it in our own ways (and in many ways that are the same). This is purely an experimental template for us to keep considering. I’m in no position to offer a golden list of wisdom and perspective to anyone. As long as we are alive our lists can be too. We can adjust and tweak them as needed as we gain a better understanding of how we truly want to live our lives. What’s on your list of things that must wait no longer? What would you tell your younger self from where you’re currently standing? What do you imagine yourself in old age telling your current self? What advice have you been given that belongs on such a list? Whatever your answers, please see this an an invitation to do it now. The end of our lives are no more important than this very moment. It all matters and there’s really no time to waste. We’ve got one shot here in this particular time and space. Let’s go.
Remove oneself from genuinely toxic relationships. Leave with peace and wish the other party well from afar. Grudges only hurt ourselves and destroy us from the inside.
Know that we have choices in who gets access to us. Our lives are not a free for all.
We at all times either choose love or fear. Choose love every single time. Fear must never drive the bus.
Therapy is essential in clearing out what holds us back. It’s as important as any other doctor or specialist. We are worth the time, money, and effort it takes to clean up our lives. When we don’t we hurt ourselves and everyone around us.
No excuses, only accountability, apologies, and changed action.
Be consistent in helping those less fortunate, in ways that may not occur to us initially. Use our innate generosity to connect with whoever needs help. Don’t discriminate. We are all deserving of kindness and help.
Judgement of self and others is a waste of time. Shaming ourselves helps no one. Stop it.
Don’t obsess over 5 pounds.
Be on time. Be aware of how we affect others when we are late. Consider the impact of our behavior at all times. We are dominoes.
Eye contact always. Always.
Way less time on devices. Devices don’t care about us, our people do. Life does and we ignore life when we are sucked in to screens.
Only spend time with people and things that are nourishing in some way. Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. Choose wisely.
Buy way less stuff.
Pay attention to what life is serving up in each moment: singing birds, blooming flowers, the surrounding colors of nature. We aren’t separate from any of it. It’s longing for our attention.
Learn about indigenous cultures and wisdom; they know how to be alive in ways lost to most of us.
Untangle any biases we hold. They are pointless. The world needs more unity, even in our thoughts.
Never litter. We wouldn’t want to be treated that way.
Chase joy, water it constantly.
Acknowledge everyone. People need to feel seen, even in a glance.
Remind ourselves constantly that the world is much bigger than our problems. Our problems aren’t unique and shouldn’t get nearly as much airtime as they do. Pain is a part of life. It’s not the headliner.
Spend time in nature daily.
Be more patient with everything and everyone. Patience feels better than getting tight and frustrated.
Dance. No skills required.
Develop a close relationship with the earth. It really is our home, that’s not kumbaya fluff.
Allow for deep affection and caring. Give and receive. Work through any discomfort around it, it’s worth it.
Learn, travel, read, explore. Use our senses to absorb the experience of actually being alive.
Contemplate the meaning of life and act in a way that honors it.
Develop a serious spiritual practice. It’s a constant companion. It helps with everything.
Be a source for good in the world. We are God’s vessels for this. The gym is important but it’s not while we are here.
Don’t invent problems before they arrive (they likely won’t in the ways we’ve predicted). The mind loves to go looking for trouble. Just be here now with direct experience.
Be less controlling and more trusting. Trust begins with self.
Express freely our love to our people. They need to know and we need to say it.
Allow for surprises, plot twists, and miracles. They can’t show up if we’ve chosen to shut them out.
Write thank you notes.
Make albums.
Do less. Be more.
Don’t give unsolicited advice. WAIT: why am I talking? Such an important question. Our opinions matter way less than we believe.
Connect with the force of breath that literally keeps us alive. It’s life force being pumped through us.
Live in a way that makes death ok, without regret. To be here fully is to exit gracefully.
Pay far less attention to our thoughts. They are just passing through. Don’t let them dictate quality of life.
Don’t wait to feel freedom. It’s how we were born, it’s how we die. It’s the in between space that gets caught in all the things that keep us from feeling free. Don’t get caught. Babies don’t come in nets.
The Button Down Reimagined
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I love button down shirts. Like a lot. They are an important staple in any wardrobe and have a list of uses. Finding this oversized, long, version was very exciting; it’s a fabulous Spring wardrobe freshener. Finding just a couple of versatile, unique pieces is a great way to jazz up a seasonal wardrobe. For most of my fashion shoots I just rework items I already own. We can do so much with what we have with just a dose of reimagining, which is obviously a much cheaper way to wear new looks. The statement cuff is from an Israeli Top Shop from years back, and you’ve seen my giant Michael Kors belt countless times (bought this piece probably 15 years ago). These accessories work well together in this look because they are both large scale and neutral. I like a common factor in my accessories, especially when the style is clean and simple. Keep it streamlined.
This blue pinstriped, huge take on button downs is a piece I’m excited to play with as I twirl into Spring. Worn as a dress or as a duster (long overcoat), belted or not (for a maxi look), closed or open (layering piece), this is a fantastic statement item. I love all things of unusual scale both large and small. Case in point: for Mother’s Day this year the kids and I got tickets to an exhibit of miniatures.
This shirt dress pairs well with fresh white sneakers, sandals, a wedge, or a kitten heel. Your choice of shoes and other accessories can take it from day to night. Pregnant mommas, wearing this open over a fitted, comfy dress is a chic way to show off your beautiful bump. This is a super piece for modest dressers, and I like to leave buttons open on top and bottom to let it breathe and add a lil fire.
Passover Eggplant Milanese
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Enjoy this bonus recipe this week!
I swear this is one of the most delicious things I’ve ever made, Passover or not. Slices of eggplant are dipped in egg and seasoned matzoh meal, fried then served over lemony arugula and topped with a fresh tomato basil sauce with garlic, capers, and olives. This is Passover cooking at its best, and by that I mean you cannot taste the difference. Suck it, Pharoah!
Easily swap regular panko crumbs for the matzoh meal. This dish is a beautiful one platter lunch or light supper.
Ingredients for 7 pieces:
Eggplant:
4 eggs beaten in a pan
A large eggplant sliced 1/4 inch thick lengthwise. Before I slice, I cut of the top and bottom of the eggplant so I can stand it up and cut.
2-3 cups matzo meal
Salt, pepper, garlic powder, smoked paprika
1/2 tsp chili powder
Vegetable oil or your preferred frying oil
Sauce:
2 cups whole cherry tomatoes
Cup tightly packed fresh basil (can sub parsley)
1 1/2 cups pitted black olives
2 tbsp capers
4 large garlic cloves coarsely chopped
Tbsp of white wine to deglaze if necessary
Salt and pepper
Simple salad base:
3 cups arugula
Olive oil, a good drizzle
A lemon cut in half
Prepare a large frying pan with enough vegetable oil to fry. Heat the pan on medium while you prep. You’ll need a very hot pan to fry.
Slice the eggplant and set aside, beat the eggs in a pan and also set aside. In another pan mix the matzoh meal with a generous sprinkling of salt, pepper, garlic powder, and smoked paprika. Add the chili powder. Combine well.
Dredge the slices of eggplant in the egg wash thoroughly on both sides and dip well in the seasoned matzoh meal. Pat the crumbs into both sides. Fry the coated eggplant a couple minutes on both sides until golden brown. Work in batches until each slice is fried. I used a spatula since the eggplant tenderized quickly and I didn’t want to tear it with a fork. Place the slices in a single layer on paper towels to blot the oil. Set aside.
In another large pan, heat olive oil. Add the cherry tomatoes and cook about 5 to 7 minutes until they tenderize, pop, and begin to brown. They’ll give off some liquid which is good. Add the chopped garlic, stir and cook 2 minutes, adding the wine if needed to keep the garlic from burning. Add the olives and capers, combine well and cook for another several minutes so the flavors can blend together. Season with some salt and pepper.
When done, let cool for a minute to release some steam. In a food processor, add the tomato mixture with the cup of basil and a drizzle of olive oil. Pulse a few times to combine the mixture while it remains chunky and textured. Adjust seasonings if necessary (I didn’t).
In a large bowl mix the arugula with a nice drizzle of olive oil, a good squeeze of one of the lemon halves, and toss. Place evenly on a platter. Cut the other lemon half into wedges. Layer the fried eggplant slices over the dressed greens, and top with a few spoonfuls of the tomato basil sauce. Add whole basil leaves to garnish. Happy Passover!
Roasted Cauliflower Carrot Salad w Kale
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What began as my roasting cauliflower and carrots for dinner turned into a delicious salad by adding a few simple ingredients. After the vegetables were roasted, I tossed in some chopped kale and made a simple yet fabulous lemon vinaigrette with fresh garlic and tons of chopped parsley. It doesn’t get easier then this! This super clean recipe is great for the upcoming Passover holiday; it’s perfect on its own or add quinoa to make it more of a meal. For my Sephardic friends, lentils or wild rice, and your favorite seeds are a great addition.
Ingredients:
3 cups each chopped cauliflower and carrots, cut into 1 1/2 inch pieces
3 cups chopped kale
1 cup tightly packed chopped parsley (or dill)
3- 4 minced garlic cloves
1/4 cup each lemon juice and olive oil, extra oil for drizzling to roast the vegetables
Salt, pepper
Optional spices: oregano, zatar (if making for Passover can omit), onion powder
Preheat oven to 415. Mix the cut carrots and cauliflower in a large pan. Drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper, and the spices if using. For the onion powder I used a light touch, I was more generous with the oregano and Zatar. Roast until the vegetables are tender and begin to brown. I like them on the more caramelized, well done side. Check after 30 minutes. Shake pan occasionally while cooking. Add the kale when the cauliflower and carrots are out of the oven, toss together.
**My carrots needed to soften a bit more so I covered my pan tightly with foil to steam them after removing them. The cauliflower was ready sooner and would have burned, so this trick worked great.
Make the dressing:
Whisk together the 1/4 cups of olive oil and fresh lemon juice. Mince the garlic cloves and scrape into the dressing. Add the chopped parsley, some salt and pepper, and mix well. Adjust fresh herbs and seasonings to taste. Pour the dressing over the vegetables and toss to combine. Add grain or seed mix ins if using. Enjoy!
Opulent Elegance
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The tablescapes at my son’s bar mitzvah were beyond magnificent. Planning all the details, especially the decor, was a true joy and creative expression. My incredible event planner, Andrew Charles of AHCEVENTS, and I had the most wonderful time putting together this visual experience for my family and guests. I always start to formulate my vision with the idea of how I want people to feel upon taking in my event space. My choices are never just aesthetic based, rather it’s what the aesthetic will achieve. I always go for my guests being immersed in the details in a way that evokes feelings. Given that this bar mitzvah took place in the winter, I wanted people to feel emotionally warm; cozy and enveloped as a beautiful refuge from the frigid temperatures (3 degrees!!!). Green malachite was the jump off point for our green, navy, and saffron table themes. It was fabulously interesting to take in the three color schemes. Each tablescape had its own uniqueness, and we also used some crossover elements to tie everything together so it didn’t look haphazard. The chairs, china, and napkins were all the same, the prayer books and challah covers the same but different colors (as were the table assignments in the gilded frames), and each table was laden with layers of rich and whimsical detail. We drew from nature, art history, and warm winter jewel tones. My son loves both nature and art, and he and I decided on winter jewel tones 2 years ago:). He loves animals and birds, and there were amazing gilded wildlife replicas in the most unexpected places. The more you looked, the more you discovered. It was a delightful experience taking this all in, from the peacock feathers that transformed an otherwise tan room to the oriental vases to the giant birdcages. Creativity and heart mixed with beauty is a decor formula I live by. I find that guests will respond most to individuality and personality, that’s what makes this so much fun. A tablecloth is just a tablecloth, no matter how beautiful it might be. People remember the unique details that connect them to the host. It was a shared creative expression that I couldn’t wait to show my family and friends.
The Evolution Of A Divorcee On Passover
/As I’m packing for my annual upcoming Passover trip, I’m reflecting on the shifts this particular holiday has taken since I got divorced 6 1/2 years ago. As you may have gathered by now, especially if you’ve been here for awhile, you know I’m a big reflector. It can take chutzpah to take inventory of life’s changes; it’s not always easy and pleasant to look at. However, I believe fervently that seriously and honestly reflecting is a key factor in growth and evolution. That has certainly been the case for me. How can we move onward and upward if we don’t know what the heck happened previously? Rewriting new chapters requires reviewing the ones that have already been written.
I love the Jewish holidays with all my heart. I always have. Passover is the longest one and the first one that marks Spring. It’s such a joyous holiday that celebrates freedom and renewal. Because Passover requires a special diet, it’s a common tradition for many Jews to pack up their families for almost 2 weeks and check into special Passover programs in hotels, where the food and synagogue services are all taken care of. I have celebrated this holiday in this way my entire life. I have been everywhere from the Catskills (the famous Grossingers Resort!!!!) to Israel to California to Arizona, with decades spent in Miami, where I’m going again this year. Miami for New York/Jersey Jews is our backyard, and there’s a comforting familiarity in going there. Recognizing the familiar spots in Miami has been grounding over the past few years in which my new Passover family model has radically changed. Miami has given me comfort amidst the occasional discomfort of new growing pains.
This is the only holiday thus far where my kids are with their dad, and it was initially very disorienting and sad for me to be alone. I had obviously never celebrated a holiday without my kids until I got divorced. I went from spending weeks packing up everyone’s holiday clothes, school projects, and the special things needed for the Seder to packing just for myself. It took me a few years to even figure out where to stay, and I admit to feeling adrift and homeless for the first few years. It was very hard to not spend both Seders with my kids, and it still is. I have gotten used to it and now enjoy that time with close friends who always welcome me with open arms, but I still feel strange not being with my children. I felt unmoored for a long time and still have moments where that particular uncomfortable feeling pops up. My kids and their dad go to Miami to be with family and so I have too, so that I can still see them. I sometimes feel like a visitor and not like their mother, an outsider to whatever plans they have going on. I’m thrilled they enjoy the holiday with their father, family and friends, but I feel sad when I feel like I’m an afterthought. I have tried various rooming accommodations as I worked to find my footing on Passover, staying in lonely Air BNB’s and random hotels. I swear, I was once in an apartment where I’m convinced pornography was being shot in the unit above me. Trust me, there weren’t enough ear plugs in the world… I tried… Before I got divorced, I never went in a car on a Jewish holiday. In this new divorced model, I had to get in a vehicle (something I was raised not to do out of observance for the sabbath and holidays) in order to be with my kids at least for the first Seder, which is a really important night. This was/is super uncomfortable but I felt, and still feel, it’s more important to be with my family than to not get into a car. Last year there were unvaccinated guests at the family Seder, and my doctor forbade me from attending due to my being immuno compromised because of ulcerative colitis. I had not been made aware of this until right before the holiday, and I was furious that I could not spend at least the first Seder with my children. It was the first time this happened and it was very frustrating, difficult, and jarring; I literally plan my entire trip around this. I felt unfairly edged out, unconsidered, and alone. Not having my feelings being taken into account is a massive trigger for me, and I was seething that basic, transparent covid etiquette was not adhered to ( fairly disclosing the presence of the unvaccinated out of regard for everyone’s health). But that was last year.
So here’s where I’m at now with all of this. As of last year, despite the Seder debacle, I began to finally feel grounded again in this holiday. The rhythm became more familiar. This came in fits and starts, learning from errors in judgment and decision making, with accepting the generosity and warmth of supportive friendships, with letting go of my stories about how this holiday had to look, and embracing a new reality. A reality in which I have this wonderful opportunity to have an actual vacation while knowing my kids are having a great time with their dad, who does a terrific job taking care of them. It’s an invitation for me to take a step back, not resist the circumstances, and have a fresh relationship with myself in the context of Passover. This means having a fresh relationship to Passover itself. I have learned to re root myself and still love the holiday despite the new shape it has taken. I have much to be deeply grateful for: Jewish liberation, openly celebrating the holiday with my best friends and family, a vacation on the beach, staying in a nice hotel with an ocean view, the chance to read, relax, and sit on my ass staring at the water, and a co parent who affords me peace of mind as far as the kids being safe and happy.
Like life in general and a divorced family itself, shapes will continue to shift. Reconfiguring and readjusting is often challenging and uncomfortable. My Buddhist practice supports me greatly in navigation of all changes, and the core teaching of impermanence is a comfort because it’s true. I can resist changes and invite more suffering upon myself, or I can learn resilience, adaptability, and how to keep finding ground when things seem unstable. To flow with the current ingredients of life is a skill I’m always cultivating and practicing. It’s a muscle that gets stronger with repetition, and it’s life’s challenges that drive us to practice and repeat. This is the essence of liberation, feeling spacious and easeful amidst the changing tides of circumstance. Because change they will.
Wishing us all a new season of using our direct experience to encourage and unlock inner freedom.
So Many Likes!
/A few weeks ago one of my favorite comics, Jordan Jensen, posted a clip of her doing crowd work on IG. I loved the bit and made a comment, as I often do. My comment was witty but nothing to write home about. I began to get notifications about others liking my comment, and the brain chemicals that fire off from social media involvement began to dance. As more like notifications poured in the dance got louder and more manic. What began with me being tickled about 100 likes became me feeling like a comic genius at OVER 3,100 likes. I feverishly checked my rise in validation continuously throughout the days, watching my approval rating as though I was a stock broker tracking the market. I sent my friend, a professional NYC comedian, regular updates. I felt like I should go get a job in some brilliant writers room somewhere in LA, a position I have often envisioned myself having. It was very interesting to observe myself, a Buddhist practitioner, get so ensnared in the crack hits of acknowledgment that Instagram provides. I really freaking enjoyed thousands of people finding my comment funny. Now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with feeling gratified at feeling seen and appreciated. It’s healthy and part of being a human who needs belonging and acceptance on the primal level. But as we all know, one of the unhealthy aspects to social media is the literal drug induced high we get from likes, comments, replies, shares etc. It can make one crazy in so many ways, and it’s undoubtedly the cause of tremendous delusion in numerous directions. It makes us feel on top of the world if we feel seen/accepted/acknowledged/appreciated and can really lead to delusions of grandeur. It’s a false sense of self. The underbelly side is that it notoriously causes many people to become depressed/lonely/alienated/ unacknowledged/unseen/forsaken. In the most extreme cases it can lead to suicide, especially when relentless cruelty is wielded in the form of cyber bullying. Social media is its own unique kind of heaven and hell, and many people are not equipped to psychologically handle it. It is one of the easiest traps to fall into and it requires real self awareness to not let it get to us; no one is great or terrible as determined by likes and comments. It’s a social trick to let ourselves be defined one way or the other, and it takes us so far away from ourselves when we base our opinions of our own existence on this fickle, 3D matrix of a scale. The algorithm is a very fair weather friend. It is often an enemy. Point being, it’s just like anything else in that it’s something to enjoy and use, but we cannot let it be the barometer for which we measure our lives. Life is full of things to enjoy and use as tools, many of them “status” giving. It’s our responsibility to relate to them in a realistic way that doesn’t cloud our view of ourselves.
None of this is news, I’m not claiming originality here; but it was amusing to watch myself get so quickly sucked in to the vortex. It was a reminder to see my ego as a ravenous, never satisfied entity of my being and accept that as its nature. The hungry ghost in each of us loves this shit. It feeds on the algorithm, rabidly seeking approval from complete strangers. Bots even.
I love social media for many reasons, and I’m glad it’s likely here to stay. Adding to that list of reasons is the crucial reminder to stay grounded in the face of likes and dislikes, to listen to feedback without letting it inflate or infect my sense of self. To not be attached to the opinions of others or even my own. To observe and not absorb. I chomp at the bit so fast, whether it’s liking or commenting on someone else’s posts (I only write positive things) or gulping down what others post to me. It’s something I’m always working on, the pause which creates a space in which I can ask myself, “does this align with the values I vowed to have?” “Must I participate here?” I feel small victories daily when I engage in social media more consciously. I will absolutely continue to enjoy it as well as observe my relationship to it. It’s a not small part of my life which means it requires a hefty degree of awareness and non attachment. Hell yeah, it felt good to have so many people enjoy my expression on that comedian’s page(check out Jordan Jensen btw, she’s awesome). Part of the reason likes feel good is because they make our creative offerings feel received, and joking comments are meant to be laughed at. It’s all part of the fun and fun is essential to life.
It’s clear I have more work to do in the way of this particular type of non attachment, which is fine. Observe, learn, integrate small changes. One like at a time. And if I do wind up with the cool kids in a writers room one day, you heard it here first.
Torah Teacher Aesthetic
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Ok, deep breathes here as I marinate in shock that this is apparently a genuine new fashion trend. As in, there was an article in Vogue about it. As in, major designers and fashion connoisseurs are in agreement. It’s true, dear Friends, Torah teacher aesthetic is definitely a current thing. For those of us (like myself) who attended yeshivah/ religious Jewish day schools my whole life, we know exactly what this type of modest dressing looks like. Long skirts, bulky sweaters or perhaps a sweater set, blouses, blazers; all worn in the service of modest and religious dress. In a religiously observant environment, female Judaic studies teachers are indeed expected to uphold a modest, conservative wardrobe in keeping with the laws of “tzniut”. Unfortunately, as with many religions, modest clothing is often associated with piety and morality. This externally superficial approach to the outside/inside of an individual is dangerous and misleading. Some of the nastiest, most morally bankrupt women I know dress the most modestly, but that’s for a separate post.
Today we are exploring how dressing modestly can be extremely chic, and I think it’s wild that religious Judaic studies teachers are somehow the inspiration for this. Yes, dressing like this can be fabulous but the 20 years of Torah teachers I had were the antithesis of cool. It makes me laugh thinking of how so many of them would likely be confused and flabbergasted seeing their accidental genre lauded in Vogue. Having been a synagogue goer all my life, dressing appropriately in a religious setting is not news to me. Long skirts, blouses and blazers, and covering my knees and elbows are familiar concepts. True story: I once couldn’t take a high school final in the hellish nunnery I was forced to attend, because my ankle bones were scandalously exposed.
A well put together, tailored, Torah teacher vibe is super cool. It’s fantastic to make a statement without having to resort to revealing our bodies, and there are many women (religious and not) who aren’t comfortable with that for a myriad of reasons. It’s great that this style of dress is being acknowledged and appreciated.
Recently I went to my son’s Yeshiva high school for a college guidance meeting. Out of respect for the atmosphere I put on a midi length denim skirt, tights, mini cowboy boots, and an oversized turtleneck sweater. This is a very typical outfit in a Jewish school, and often the moms are expected to dress in accordance with the basic laws of modesty. I then went straight to NYC and did feel cool in my Torah teacher outfit, though it would never have occurred to me to take a picture. Lo and behold, later that day I came across the Vogue article and was floored. I had no idea this is now a trend but I’m here for it, as I have been since the 80’s. Here are some looks from the Blaga archives where I was inadvertently dressing like a badass Torah teacher.
Who knew???
Famous Last Words
/This is the song I want played at my funeral. It’s called “That’s How Strong My Love Is” by the great Otis Redding. It’s the message I want to leave my kids and loved ones when the time in this body is up. I recently played this for a friend who was due to speak at his best friend’s memorial service the following day, and he added this to the program upon hearing it. It’s such an important and profound question we must ask ourselves: what do we want to leave behind in the world? I find that the more clarity I have on how I want to live, the more I have on how I want to leave. As my teacher, Sensei Dr. Kōshin Paley Ellison of the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care asked us recently: how are we actually living our lives in a way that supports the lives we say we want to create? What seeds are we planting, what steps are we taking, what choices are we making? This life is ours to design and live out. We can make the most of it or waste it. And talking about the dreams for our life are meaningless without aligned, consistent, integrated action. That’s just the fact of the matter. In many ways I have taken aligned action and in many ways I have not yet done so. No one can meet my visions, dreams, and ideas for a well lived life but me.
I want to live a life of strong, full, brave and powerful love, and I wish for my funeral to reflect this. I want my loved ones to know that what I planted and nurtured while I was physically alive will remain energetically alive. I want my kids to feel me in every moment, and the strength of their mother and her love. I want the words of this beautiful song to be a gift and a message, just like my life itself. I share this song with you, it’s such an intimate and moving part of my heart and process.
What song would you choose for your last words? What would you want your parting message to be? Are you living a life that will lead to the continuation of that message when you’re not in your body?
Slipping Into Something Comfortable
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Allow me to slip into something a bit more comfortable… I love outfit look so much for a few reasons. First, you may notice I’m wearing this same green slip dress a few posts back; under a tailored matching blazer it’s a completely different look. Here I swapped the blazer for an oversized sweater that, too, has the same exact shade of green that coordinates so perfectly with the dress. That powerful pop of green ties everything together. As was the case with the other way I wore this, the pieces did not come together. Don’t you love when it works out that way? The white ankle boot gets proper air time because of the slit, and also since it contrasts so well off the green. This look is chic, easy, sexy, fun, formal, fresh, chill, and so comfortable. As we begin to mercifully transition into Spring (we did it!!) wearing a chunky sweater over a slip dress is a great outerwear concept. Keep on the sweater when it’s colder, slip it off as things warm up (and I’m not just talking seasonally:).
I love this slip dress and have it in many colors. It’s so fabulous on its own or as a stunning layering piece. White sneakers would also be super cute here for daytime. With a few adjustments and a fresh approach to the classic slip dress, the possibilities are endless and can be quite surprising.
Kitchen Sink Minestrone
/A cross between a minestrone and vegetable soup, this gathering of whatever ingredients I had on hand on a cold winter night totally hit the spot. It had been awhile since I whipped something like this up, and I craved the particular nourishment that a soup such as this provides. I love a tomato based vegetable soup. I really threw together what was available in the moment and added a bunch of spices to the initial sauté to flavor the base. Play around with the veggie and bean combos you have, it’s almost impossible to mess this up.
This version isn’t reinventing the wheel, but it’s bursting with fresh veggies, is fully vegetarian, and is hearty enough to be the center of a meal. Serving it over Cous Cous is a delicious option as well.
Ingredients:
A large onion finely chopped
3 finely chopped peeled garlic cloves
1 1/2 cups each chopped carrots and celery
A medium chopped green or yellow zucchini
1 1/2 cups chopped peppers of your choice, I used red and green
2 cups chopped fresh broccoli
Cup fresh or frozen peas
1 1/2 cups chopped kale
Cup chopped or thinly sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup packed chopped dill or parsley
2 different cans of beans of your choice, drained and rinsed
Large can crushed tomatoes
8 cups vegetable stock
Large bay leaf
Salt, pepper
1 Tsp each dried basil or Italian seasoning, smoked paprika, garlic powder
1/2 tsp turmeric
In a large pot heat up some olive oil (3 tbsp) and sauté the onion until fragrant and translucent. Add some stock to deglaze as needed. Add the garlic and sauté 2 minutes more, taking care it doesn’t burn by making sure there’s enough stock in the pot. Add the chopped carrots and celery and all the seasonings except the salt and pepper, again adding stock as needed (at this point I add about a cup). Cover the pot for 5 minutes to sweat the vegetables and lock in the flavor.
Add the chopped peppers, mushrooms, peas, and broccoli with another cup of stock and cook uncovered, stirring to cook for 5 minutes. Add the rest of the stock, crushed tomatoes, zucchini, kale, fresh herbs, bay leaf, 2 tsp salt, 1 tsp pepper, and the beans. Stir well to combine and bring to a boil, covered, over medium heat. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook covered for 45 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are tender. Adjust seasonings to taste. This makes a big pot that definitely serves a crowd.
**Other vegetables that would be nice to add depending on what you have: cauliflower, parsnips, cubed butternut squash or sweet potatoes, shredded green cabbage.
A can of chickpeas is a good sub for one of the varieties of beans.
A Poem About Betrayal
/I recently read this poem for my seniors at the nursing home. I regularly lead community sessions on various spiritual and religious topics. Betrayal, a deeply painful theme, had been popping up in many of my individual visits so I wanted to bring it up in group. It’s a topic that is so seldom discussed; it’s one of the kinds of pain that cuts so deep that many of us have absolutely no idea how to begin to approach it. Discussing the darkest parts of the human experience is often very intimidating because we simply don’t have the language for it. It’s hard enough to experience it, and there’s something about bringing pain into the light that feels rightfully frightening. Betrayal in particular can bring up massive waves of shame; how could they have treated me like that? What’s wrong with me that I’m on the receiving end of such treatment? Don’t they love me? Don’t I deserve love/kindness/care? These are some of the questions that I hear in discussions about betrayal, and they are questions I have asked myself when I have experienced it. Betrayal is so confusing, especially from people who claim to love us. It comes in many forms to varying degrees. Our loved ones and not loved ones can make us feel betrayed, our bodies can make us feel betrayed, Life/God/the government/teachers/doctors whom we are relying on, the list goes on because we are all very vulnerable to all kinds of hurt. Disappointment seems to be lurking everywhere.
One of the biggest forms of betrayal is in how we treat ourselves. I have certainly betrayed myself countless times in all sorts of ways, and no doubt you’d find people in my life (some of whom I love dearly) who have felt betrayed by me. I have yet to meet one person who has not experienced visceral betrayal on some level. It’s one of the hardest parts of human relationship. We must learn how, and have the courage to do so, to meet our suffering or it will destroy us from the inside out. Read that again.
The day we had our group talk on this topic I was irritated and felt ill equipped to lead such a discussion. I myself do not have the language for this but it was clear it was important to invite into the room, to make it safe and acceptable for people to share and express if they wanted to. It’s a comfort to know and feel that we do not go through pain alone. I find it alleviates shame and feelings of alienation when we can turn to a neighbor for resonance, honesty, and recognition. Admitting and exposing our struggles deepens relationships by inviting intimacy and vulnerability into a dynamic. There’s nothing wrong with any of us. We all go through lots of shit we don’t deserve.
This poem was very well received by the seniors. They described it as profound and asked for copies. Perhaps it will resonate with you. I’m curious what your interpretation of Love’s words are here… How would you respond to Love as it’s presented? How do Love’s words make you feel?
3 Piece Suit
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If you’ve been here for some time you may recall having seen this blue sequined suit before. I took pictures wearing it with an orange cashmere sweater last winter. Hooray for reusing what we already have!
I love a good pantsuit and wear the pieces together or as fabulous separates. I have these Norma Kamali sequined pants in 3 colors. They add major pizzaz to any look, certainly when I’m DJing. While I love a boxier menswear silhouette, the more fitted, curve hugging cut of this suit is undeniably sexy and fierce. Adding this satin vest made this look next level with both the jacket on or off. I love how the vest serves as a top. This is a super fresh take on black tie or cocktail attire.
You may have noticed that in my last few posts my hair has been up. I wore a messy bun for this particular photo shoot because my hair was honestly a mess that day:). No biggie; a well placed pony in the back middle of my head, some Bobby pins to secure a loose bun, and some front pieces pulled out created an effortlessly chic hairstyle that worked with each outfit. If the clothes are right and the makeup is on point, then a natural updo is the perfect no fuss compliment, as well as a good way to showcase some fabulous earrings. The lesson? Don’t stress if the hair is a mess.
