Jack Kornfield: Open, Spacious Awareness Meditation

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Over the weekend I was caught in an emotional jam. I was panicked about a certain situation, despite being able to give a list of reasons why I was sure my mind was overreacting. The reality wasn’t nearly as dire as my brain was making it out to be. That’s what the mind does; it will grab onto any scary scenario in order to warn us of impending doom. It’s trying to protect us. I had 30 minutes before walking into this scary not scary situation, so I turned to this grounding guided meditation by Jack Kornfield, one of my favorite mindfulness teachers. It was an enormous help in returning me to a perspective that wasn’t laced with conditioned hysteria. I was having a moment in which I was vomiting up old fears based on a narrative I’d been fed since childhood: if you screw up in any way then you’ll be shamed, rejected, and banished. Love, approval, and acceptance will be ripped away.
I have done so much work on myself over the past few years, been in talk therapy for 15, a meditator and yogi for 5, a zen practitioner for 3, and yet I still get caught in these terrifying moments where I’m hijacked by very old stories that I know no longer hold true. Dense, deep trauma needs so much patient and persistent tending to. I feel very held at this point in my life, and am so fortunate to have discovered these tools and teachers for how to address and soothe my triggers. This brief guided meditation was exactly what I needed. It worked: I relaxed, regrouped, readjusted, and remembered my true self, the self that isn’t subject to the ever changing winds of the body mind. That space of inner peace and protection is ever present, I just needed to find it and feel into it.

*this offering is found on the Dharma Seed app. It’s my favorite app. Tons of talks and meditations are offered freely from a wide variety of excellent dharma teachers. My most delicious mornings begin when I’m snuggled in bed listening to a talk.




I'm listening to "Open, Spacious Awareness Meditation | Monday Night" by Jack Kornfield
https://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/85/talk/70078/

They’ll Never Know Chocolate Cake

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They’ll never know this is semi homemade, and if they do who cares? This rich, moist, extra chocolate cake is box based and jazzed up. The decadent ganache is literally the icing on the cake. I love whipping up delicious treats for my family and friends on the fly, and using a semi homemade approach helps me do that in a way that saves time and doesn’t sacrifice flavor or style.

Ingredients:
A box mix of devils food cake
Dry chocolate pudding mix, one package
4 eggs
1 cup canola or melted coconut oil
1 cup soy milk or milk of your choice
1 tsp vanilla

Ganache:
Note: this makes a lot so you have more than enough to cover the cake. Play around with your desired amount.

16 oz broken up bittersweet chocolate
2 cups heavy whipping cream

To make the ganache towards the end of the baking process;
Place chocolate pieces in a heatproof bowl. Put the whipping cream in a small saucepan and heat on low medium until starts to simmer. Pour the hot cream over the chocolate. Cover chocolate with foil for five minutes to melt it. Remove covering and stir well to produce a smooth, silky ganache. If it’s a bit thin, let it sit for up to ten more minutes so it thickens. When it’s a thick enough consistency, pour over the cake evenly. The ganache will set into a rich and shiny icing. You can use any leftover amount to dip strawberries :).



Mix all well and bake in a greased Bundt pan for about 40 minutes on 350. Test with a toothpick before removing. Let cool in pan on a wire rack for five minutes then remove from pan to cool completely on the rack. When cake is fully cooled, make the ganache and pour over the cake to cover. Make sure there’s plates or a board underneath the rack to catch all the ganache spillage! Let ganache set until serving, at least 30 minutes.


May I meet this, too, with kindness

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I really needed to read this article today. I’ve heard the message before and I’ll need to hear it again many more times. How is it that we will remember the negative or critical comment after hearing it once, but the positive and supportive messages must be repeated constantly? I needed the reminder in regards to something I’ve been working on for over a year. “May I meet this, too, with kindness”.

Ten Percent Weekly
March 27, 2022 // ISSUE 246

May I Meet This, Too, With Kindness

By Amanda Gilbert  


It goes without saying that much of what happens in our inner and outer lives is out of our control. But we can learn to respond to it with kindness, both to ourselves and to others.

Particularly if you meditate, you may have noticed the surprising imprints of things that happen every day: the residue that those nagging emails from your boss leave in your mind; the restlessness stemming from the laundry list of items you need to do; the anxiety over the number in your bank account; or a general discontent from all the things that maybe aren’t going exactly how you want them to.

As meditators, we can see directly that these imprints aren’t necessarily the problem. In meditation, we get to know the rotating guests of emotions quite well. But we also see that we can decide what to do with them. Habitually, of course, when we encounter an unpleasant feeling, we try to make it go away, or avoid it, or simply wish it weren’t there.

But it is possible instead to make peace with these undesired guests by meeting them with kindness. Doing so can be an internal truce that lets the incredible alchemy of the heart unfold in our daily lives.

For instance, suppose your inner critic is judging you for something you said or did. By developing the capacity to meet your thoughts with kindness, what once led to shame and that pit of tightness in your chest might now be met with a kinder, warmer nod of acknowledgment as you become aware of your self-talk’s tone. You might reply, “Ah, anxiety, fear, meanness, self-deprecation—here you are again, my dear old friends.”

This kind, well-meaning approach toward our hearts and minds helps us move in the life directions we want to be going in while being more accepting and compassionate about our setbacks, failures, and habits of self-sabotage. The moment I began to welcome my unwanted guests with kindness—sending lovingkindness toward each thought, feeling, and corner of sadness in my heart—is when I felt the first taste of real healing in my life.

How might this work in practice? One method I learned from my teacher, Diana Winston, is elegantly simple. In your usual meditation, simply add a few words to each time you notice your attention wandering: May I meet this too with kindness.

Whatever comes up, repeat this phrase of loving-kindness toward your thoughts, feelings, or sensations. Do it as many times as you need to, then guide your attention back to the anchor of the breath once again.

Try this practice for the duration of your meditation. See if you can notice how it feels to meet yourself with kindness instead of judgment or reaction. Perhaps, after you meditate, continue this reflection in a journal. How does it feel when

I meet myself with kindness instead of judgment or reaction? Let any answers flow onto the page.

And then, as you move through the day, try repeating the same phrase—“may I meet this, too, with kindness”—whenever you notice you are being hard on yourself, judgmental toward yourself, or unkind in any way. Often, learning to meet yourself with kindness can feel like the medicine your heart and inner life yearns for, especially if you’re used to meeting yourself with all kinds of judgment and past conditioning.

Finally, see if you can extend this intention toward anything that happens in your day, or to anyone you encounter, especially when things aren’t going the way you would like them to. Lean into the intention to meet all that is here with kindness.

Meeting what is present with kindness teaches us the profound lesson of letting go into our human experience, even into the unwanted stuff. It is ultimately a practice of radical inclusion toward ourselves, toward other people, and toward the challenging experiences of life. It keeps us from fighting our unwanted thoughts, memories, idiosyncrasies, and experiences, and gives them the room to be here. This simple spaciousness is the doorway into the heart.

Join Amanda Gilbert and Jay Michaelson on Thursday, March 31, at 7:30 PM Eastern Time for an online discussion presented by the New York Insight Meditation Center entitled “Kindness Even Now?! Making Loving-Kindness a Real Part of Your Meditation and Life.” If you’re wondering whether you can become a more loving and compassionate person, they’ll try to persuade you. Sign up by clicking this link.Ten Percent Weekly
March 27, 2022 // ISSUE 246

May I Meet This, Too, With Kindness

By Amanda Gilbert  


It goes without saying that much of what happens in our inner and outer lives is out of our control. But we can learn to respond to it with kindness, both to ourselves and to others.

Particularly if you meditate, you may have noticed the surprising imprints of things that happen every day: the residue that those nagging emails from your boss leave in your mind; the restlessness stemming from the laundry list of items you need to do; the anxiety over the number in your bank account; or a general discontent from all the things that maybe aren’t going exactly how you want them to.

As meditators, we can see directly that these imprints aren’t necessarily the problem. In meditation, we get to know the rotating guests of emotions quite well. But we also see that we can decide what to do with them. Habitually, of course, when we encounter an unpleasant feeling, we try to make it go away, or avoid it, or simply wish it weren’t there.

But it is possible instead to make peace with these undesired guests by meeting them with kindness. Doing so can be an internal truce that lets the incredible alchemy of the heart unfold in our daily lives.

For instance, suppose your inner critic is judging you for something you said or did. By developing the capacity to meet your thoughts with kindness, what once led to shame and that pit of tightness in your chest might now be met with a kinder, warmer nod of acknowledgment as you become aware of your self-talk’s tone. You might reply, “Ah, anxiety, fear, meanness, self-deprecation—here you are again, my dear old friends.”

This kind, well-meaning approach toward our hearts and minds helps us move in the life directions we want to be going in while being more accepting and compassionate about our setbacks, failures, and habits of self-sabotage. The moment I began to welcome my unwanted guests with kindness—sending lovingkindness toward each thought, feeling, and corner of sadness in my heart—is when I felt the first taste of real healing in my life.

How might this work in practice? One method I learned from my teacher, Diana Winston, is elegantly simple. In your usual meditation, simply add a few words to each time you notice your attention wandering: May I meet this too with kindness.

Whatever comes up, repeat this phrase of loving-kindness toward your thoughts, feelings, or sensations. Do it as many times as you need to, then guide your attention back to the anchor of the breath once again.

Try this practice for the duration of your meditation. See if you can notice how it feels to meet yourself with kindness instead of judgment or reaction. Perhaps, after you meditate, continue this reflection in a journal. How does it feel when

I meet myself with kindness instead of judgment or reaction? Let any answers flow onto the page.

And then, as you move through the day, try repeating the same phrase—“may I meet this, too, with kindness”—whenever you notice you are being hard on yourself, judgmental toward yourself, or unkind in any way. Often, learning to meet yourself with kindness can feel like the medicine your heart and inner life yearns for, especially if you’re used to meeting yourself with all kinds of judgment and past conditioning.

Finally, see if you can extend this intention toward anything that happens in your day, or to anyone you encounter, especially when things aren’t going the way you would like them to. Lean into the intention to meet all that is here with kindness.

Meeting what is present with kindness teaches us the profound lesson of letting go into our human experience, even into the unwanted stuff. It is ultimately a practice of radical inclusion toward ourselves, toward other people, and toward the challenging experiences of life. It keeps us from fighting our unwanted thoughts, memories, idiosyncrasies, and experiences, and gives them the room to be here. This simple spaciousness is the doorway into the heart.

Join Amanda Gilbert and Jay Michaelson on Thursday, March 31, at 7:30 PM Eastern Time for an online discussion presented by the New York Insight Meditation Center entitled “Kindness Even Now?! Making Loving-Kindness a Real Part of Your Meditation and Life.” If you’re wondering whether you can become a more loving and compassionate person, they’ll try to persuade you. Sign up by clicking this link.

Trench Jumpsuit

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This navy trench coat style jumpsuit has gotten me so much use. I’ve worn it to dinner dates, the theater, even jazzed up to Fashion Week with fun accessories. A piece like this can stand alone or act as a blank canvas for a more detailed look. The raspberry heels peeking out from the bottom are a fun pop of color. I have a coordinating clutch in the same color, and I love the navy berry combo. The berry lip compliments the look, a simple makeup detail that is clean, pretty, and a sweet contrast to more sophisticated navy. The structure of this jumpsuit makes this a great alternative to the typical pantsuit.

Nutella Chocolate Chip Cookies

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Must. Love. Chocolate.
Do I even need to intro these??

Ingredients for 40 to 48 cookies:
1/2 lb unsalted butter at room temperature
3/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp vanilla
1/3 cup Nutella
2 jumbo eggs at room temperature
2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp kosher salt
3 cups chocolate chips

Oven to 350. Cream the butter and sugars in a mixer until light and fluffy. Add the vanilla, eggs one at a time. Mix well. Add the cocoa, mix. Add the Nutella, mix.
Sift the flour, salt, and baking soda together and add to the chocolate mixture on low speed until just combined. Fold in the chips.

Make dough balls with slightly wet hands, about the size of a tbsp. You can also do this with a 1 3/4 inch ice cream scooper. Place an inch apart on parchment lined baking sheets. I like to lightly grease with a spray. Lightly flatten each cookie. Bake for 15 minutes exactly. It’s ok if they seem a bit underdone. Cool on pan several minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

How to Cook Your Life

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How to Cook Your Life: From the Zen Kitchen to Enlightenment https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590302915/ref=cm_sw_r_em_api_glt_i_8RE9BVY6YZGFPYRDHD9X

I’m currently in a 90 day practice period with the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. It’s a “commit to sit” practice period of daily meditation and contemplation, guided by this amazing zen text called How to Cook Your Life. This is hands down one of the most important, meaningful, and transformative books I have ever read in my life. One absolutely need not be a zen student or practitioner to enjoy and benefit from this text. The book was originally zen master Dogen’s instructions to the tenzo, the cook in a zen monastery. It’s both a literal book with incredibly deep and meaningful symbolism in each and every instruction. For example, in examining and carefully cleaning each grain of rice, Dogen asks us to examine and meticulously care for each aspect of our lives. Are we slow or rushed? What do we discard? Are we mindful and giving of deep attention to our tasks, intentions, and processes? The tenzo has the big job of not just feeding but nourishing the people in the monastery. They must ensure that each person gets the same exact amount of food, presented in the same way. One body, one mind. Careful calculations must be made to ensure that the food is good, healthy, and prepared with loving detail that will support the practice of those whom they are serving. Essentially, the job of the tenzo is to provide immense care. All of this is a teaching for how us lay people “cook” our lives. Each rice grain, for example, symbolizes each individual we encounter. How we care for them, be they our child or a person checking out our groceries. The tenzo’s relationship to those he is serving begins with all the right effort, intention, and action behind the scenes. He is the one to arrange and organize the kitchen lists, the shopping, the purchasing of ingredients, and making sure that the ingredients selected are of good quality and handled with the utmost of care. How he shows reverence towards a carrot or a bean is how he will show reverence towards the person eating. The point is, everything matters. The ingredients in our lives that we don’t like or don’t prefer, the ones we are quick to throw in the garbage, those matter too. Thry are probably the most important. Dogen writes a lot about scraps, or what we perceive to be as such. He says to throw nothing away. It’s all valuable. Of course practically, there is such a thing as garbage, though look how many people use scraps for compost. What goes down my garbage disposal is someone else’s usable material for composting and recycling.


I have been looking at my scraps, the things I tend to want to throw away, as being the precise ingredients I need in order to cook my life. The fears, rejections, the impatience, how I clench, how I shut down, who I turn away from and why, what I choose to not engage with, and the shame that lurks beneath so much of human action, are all the ingredients I am given to create this great, bountiful meal that is life. Where am I starving myself and others? The symbolism is wild, and since I live in my kitchen and am indeed the tenzo in my family, I have been more curious and mindful not only in how I behave in my kitchen, but also in my life. Since I believe wholeheartedly that the dharma/hashem/god/universe/unseen forces gives me exactly what I need to cook and simmer myself, then that belief is meaningless unless I integrate it with action. The details of the meal are enormously important. I know that in preparing my big Rosh Hashanah kickoff meal, I am exceedingly attentive and mindful because I want the meal to be a success. I handle, plan, and prepare the food meticulously. But if I’m impatient on the supermarket line while I’m purchasing the necessary ingredients for that meal, then I have not followed the instructions to the cook. It’s never just about the food. It’s about how that level of care and attention must spill out into each and everything we serve to the world at large. Every single person, act, and situation requires the care and precision of a tenzo in a zen monastery. It doesn’t mean we starve and eat dog food while cooking beautiful and delicious things for others. The tenzo factors himself into the planning, as he is a perfect grain of rice, too. It means we see each ingredient, no matter how smelly or unfavorable, as a necessary, and therefore IMPORTANT, part of our lives.


I highly recommend you check out this wonderful text. I really think about our daily email prompts as part of this Commit to Sit period, and I’m continually knocked over by the symbolism. Think about the restaurants you like to eat in. Imagine watching the cook and learning from him. I certainly know I don’t even think about the kitchen staff when I’m at a restaurant, and yet I’m expecting them to prepare a delicious meal for me. This is how easy it is for me to ignore and not appreciate what’s happening in front of me, even if I wish to gain something from what I’m ignoring. It’s fascinatingly sad. The things we don’t care to notice.
I believe life is delicious. I have learned so much about how to nourish myself and others, and there is so much more to learn. There’s no arrival with this, no end point. No one ever reaches the mountain peak where they just nail it every single time. That’s why we need cookbooks to teach us and inspire us. Looking at my most unfavorable ingredients has been forcing me to find inner wisdom, tremendous lessons, humility, trust, and faith.

Please, Sir, may I have some more?

All are always welcome to join the NYZCCC online courses, practice periods, dharma talks, and meditations. It’s a beautiful, warm, global community of learning. There are numerous offerings, and we are joined daily by people from across the globe. All grains of rice in one magnificent pot. All info is found on the center’s website, zencare.org

Let’s eat!

Velvet Underground

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I love a sharp, strong velvet pantsuit. It’s classic structure but with depth and panache. What I won’t do is wear anything stiff and uncomfortable, so the few Norma Kamali velvet suits I have are fluid and easy while being tailored. This blue gray one has a burgundy sister that I have worn on the blog. The pieces can be worn separately and with a variety of shoes: boots, pumps, or a dressy platform sneaker. I recently did wear this with gold sneakers to a fun bat mitzvah. This heart patterned silk button down you’ve seen me wear many times over the years. It’s a favorite from J. Crew. Almost any print button down would work here; a floral, a bold colored solid. A silk camisole, t shirt, tank, lace top, or turtleneck are more great options for under a pantsuit. I enjoy formality (sometimes), and I often like dressing along these tailored lines when I’m DJing. Ranging from a menswear vibe to more feminine cut and feel, there are so many sharp pantsuit options out there. This classic silhouette becomes yours in how you put it together and own it.

Spiced, Roasted Eggplant

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Tender, golden, caramelized eggplant. This is sometimes dinner for me, that’s how satisfying this dish is. I slice it up into quarters, season, roast, and done. Easy. As a side or vegan main, beautiful wedges of eggplant are seasoned and roasted to perfection. The turmeric gives it that golden color, and lots of fresh squeezed lemon makes it pop. Eggplant is hearty without being overwhelming, making this dish an excellent accompaniment in rounding out a healthy meal. One eggplant yields 4 large wedges. Leftovers are good the next day at room temperature. Place a wedge over mixed and dressed greens as a plated appetizer, drizzle with a tahini dressing for a Mediterranean vibe.

Note: this spice mixture is enough for two whole eggplants. Reduce if needed.

Ingredients:
2 medium large eggplants, cut lengthwise into quarters. Keep skin on.
1/2 tsp EACH salt, ground pepper, smoked paprika, Zatar, garlic powder, and turmeric
1/4 tsp hilba/fenugreek
A lemon, cut in half
2 tsp olive oil, plus a bit more to brush on the baking sheet
1/4 cup packed chopped parsley

Oven to 400, preferably on the roast setting. Prepare a rimmed baking sheet with lightly oiled parchment paper, set aside. Make a wet spice rub in a small bowl with all the spices and olive oil. Rub the mixture well all over each eggplant wedge. Place skin side down on the baking sheet. Squeeze one half the lemon over the eggplant. Roast for about 25 minutes until very fork tender and the edges turn brown. If you like it slightly charred like I do, broil for an additional minute. Cut the other lemon half into wedges and serve alongside. Sprinkle the chopped parsley on top of desired.






Light Lounging

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I have developed an addiction to loungewear. It has definitely become a problem, especially now that I’ve become an expert at shopping off of Instagram. It’s high time to reign it in and seriously pause before I chemically react to whatever cute clothes are automatically dangled in front of me. Convenient and dangerous is how I’d describe this type of consumerism. Damn you, algorithm!!
Pandemic dressing is a beast of its own kind. The last few years (!!) in global quarantine have majorly emphasized what it means to dress for a trip as far as the kitchen. Depending on whom one was on lockdown with, including if that was solo, the many forms of loungewear became like the different floors of a department store. First floor: four day sweatpants and stained t shirts. Second floor: black leggings and functional yoga wear for “special” occasions. Third floor: sexy items that actually match for when you need to feel cute and recall your humanity. You get the picture. It’s pretty fascinating; what it can do to the mind when THERE IS NO REASON TO PUT ON A BRA OR DEODORANT OR WEAR ANYTHING CIVILIZED. Bottom line, staying home and dressing cute feels like a huge achievement. Since home has been the sole stage for so long (I’m a homebody anyway, always have been), it’s been refreshing to stay fashionably intact with beautiful, comfy loungewear like this ensemble. Cream or ivory anything is yummy out the gate. I have worn this outfit on lockdown during a pandemic date, which helped create a romantic mood while at home. Now that the world is finding its footing again, this loungewear set will come along for the ride. “Home” is really special and being there is indeed an occasion as long as I’m chilling with loved ones, again, this includes doing that with just Me. The outfit here is two piece, consisting of the top and pants. I added a cream cardigan in the same shade to complete the look and to cuddle up in. The fuzzy, soft fabric is an instruction to snuggle up, and I’m more than happy to comply.

Set List

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Things I’ve learned on the DJ journey:

DJing is a living, breathing skill set. It evolves and changes as I do.

As with all else, if my breathing is caught and not flowing, I’ll contract and mess up my drop. When my physical body is in tune, the music will be in tune. It’s amazing; everything in my life is only as smooth and fluid (or choppy and stuck) as my breathing.

I’m a courageous badass AND I still get afraid and nervous. Fear and nerves don’t detract from my bravery. I feel it, allow it, and make space for it to be there until it’s ready to float away. Which it will.

Joy is essential. For me, that must include music, rhythm, and dance. Joy isn’t a luxury or frivolity. It’s a need.

Playing music for others is part of my unique dharmic expression. It’s a way in which I harness my own joy so I can share that with others.

Watch the staff’s response to my set. They are working hard and hearing all the DJ’s in the venue. If they’re grooving to my music then that’s a great sign.

Plan but be flexible. The present needs of the crowd trumps my planned set. However, coming prepared is crucial. Great life lesson: prepare and be able to go with the flow.

The pandemic was a reminder in how vital nightlife and live music are. Getting together for drinks, dancing, and socializing are indeed important. We are pack animals who crave socialization. Always thank the DJ for setting the tone for a night out.

It’s ok to decline a request (another life lesson).

As much as I know, there’s way more to learn and further to go. Honoring where I’m at now as well as being open to future learnings and growth (hi, life).

That potato chips taste best after a gig.

That it’s way more than just the music. It’s a giving and receiving of energy.

That mistakes happen. Do not dwell, get out fast to reset. Be aware, learn for next time, and keep playing. Just keep going and do better (huge life lesson).

That as long as the crowd is happy, that means I’m doing my job regardless of errors.

No one is paying as much attention to my mistakes as I am. No one.

Your timeline is yours. It’s never too early or too late to learn something new and incorporate it into your life. I know DJ instructors who have students in their 80’s.

That dreams are meant to be realized.

That my ability to surprise myself is mystical and magical.

That if I’m lit up by something, I must pay close attention and use that feeling as a major sign to explore further.

We are only as limited or unlimited as the stories we tell ourselves.

Pushing Through By Holding Back

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Last wee k my zen teacher was talking to us about “new action”. This has become my exploratory focus as of late. It’s a very interesting personal exercise and goal: to REALLY acutely examine our habit energy, which drives our actions, and slow down long enough to take a new route. Since humans unconditionally reach for what feels safe, known, and comfortable, deliberately choosing a new action requires pushing past an edge. The edge of discomfort, the edge of the unknown. To choose different is to be determined to chart a new momentary course. New action can seem daunting when it’s thought of in the form of say, a New Years resolution (why they often last five minutes). When it’s framed as just in the presenting moment, it feels much more doable. One moment, one choice. True change comes when a series of new actions eventually becomes the new habit, replacing the old way of doing things. This is growth.


In watching a certain friend who is used to maniacally pushing herself in a specific area, it hit me that if she were to really push herself, it would mean to actually hold back. In the case of this person, her edge would be to STOP pushing herself. When thoughts and actions become addictions, even if they seem to move us along the river of achieving, then the edge, the thing that’s hard and unnatural, is to slow down and loosen the grip on More. Taking breaks from her usual path would feel excruciating to this friend for various reasons, some of which she is not unaware of (she gave me the green light to write about this). For someone addicted to Doing, which we all are in our own ways, Being is the sticky edge.


Now of course whenever I find myself observing/judging/focusing on another person’s actions, that often points reflectively to my own edges. The areas where I myself require a new action. Without self criticism, I have been stopping to observe the habitual actions that don’t serve me, the ones I’m not proudest of. I’m asking, ok, what’s the new action here? What’s the new direction I need to take to begin to craft a new story?
I’m a pretty direct and honest person. I’m self aware, which was why I was surprised and agitated when some of my CPE (chaplaincy) peers and friends told me they feel I sometimes withhold in our class, and that my withholding blocks connection. I was annoyed! Me, withholding? I trust these classmates and really value their feedback. They have gotten to know me in a very raw, vulnerable, and emotional way. Our curriculum is designed to reveal all our shadows and truths so that we, as chaplains, can better hold the suffering, shadows, and truths of our care partners. Bottom line, if several of them felt I was holding back then it was time for me to investigate that. New action: push past my habit edge of defensiveness, and use grace and willingness to be open to an outside perspective. New action: sort through my hyper vigilance of criticism (which comes from childhood survival mode at always being torn apart) and feel into the trust I have with this group. They’re not looking to hurt, reject, shame, or banish me. I spent the first 40 years of my life learning that if I said something remotely displeasing, I’d be thrown off the proverbial gang plank. This naturally instilled fear and mistrust over the years, and that residue is hard to scrub off. New action: remind myself that’s an old story and that I now feel safe, especially in that class with those teachers and peers. New action: pay deep attention to the ways in which I do hold back and cling to safety, and use the physical cues of my body as a compass to guide me to where I’m physically holding tension out of habitual self protection. New action: feel into that bodily tension and ask myself what I’m used to being afraid of, then tell myself it’s safe to let go and speak up when I’m asked to do so. New action: bring humility into the equation and see when/where/how/why I can make a different choice in the direction of connection vs fear. It’s amazing; a 3 minute interaction can bring forth a series of new actions. How liberating that inquiry can lead us down a different path at any time. New action often requires us to try again and again and again. New action: not berating myself for messing up, which I now reframe as learning. Unlearning to learn.


I’m grateful to my classmates for pointing out my edge when I couldn’t see it. Since then, I have been applying the teaching of new action to so many other areas in my life. It feels exciting and self empowering. It’s teaching me to use my human ability to choose and discern in a much more evolved way. We can’t ever push past the edges we turn away from. I hope this post inspires you to find your own edges, push through them by taking a new action, step by step. This is how we honor ourselves. This is how we break cycles and overcome outdated modes of deluded safety. Our edges were originally put in place to help us. New action: thank them and put them to rest. Be brave, be new. Do what’s uncomfortable in order to grow and recreate your life. It’s said that the only two days we can do nothing about are the days in which we are born and die. The rest of our days we are blessed with the power and gift of new action.

NYBG Orchid Show

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The interesting thing about “style” is that it has almost nothing to do with beauty. Conversely, “beauty” has nothing to do with style.
This magnificent orchid exhibit at the New York Botanical Gardens is this weeks Style post, but it’s really about beauty.
I learned about this several months long exhibit, which runs until some time in May, from the @secret_nyc account on Instagram. This account features great and cool happenings in the New York area, often on the earlier side of the public knowing about them. I have never been to the NYBG and have always wanted to go. I bought three tickets on the spot, thinking I could get at least 2 of my kids to join me. My oldest and youngest, both avid nature lovers, were excited to come. This special exhibit, by artist Jeff Leatham, features a kaleidoscopic approach to the magical world of orchids. Did you know there are over 300 species of this stunning flower? The exhibit, housed inside the gorgeous and large conservatory seen here, blew us away. Walking through a re-creation of several types of rain forests, we were delighted to have this robust, vibrant brush with nature during the bleaker winter season. Coming in from the cold to enter this magical wonderland of flowers, we felt as if we’d stepped into a portal of beauty.
Nature teaches me innumerable lessons. She comforts me when I need a soothing reminder of the bigger, wiser picture or an invigorating shot of perspective. Being amongst such aliveness and beauty as a war rages on in the Ukraine reinforced the great paradox of life; it will always contain joy and suffering all the time. There is beauty in accepting this because it’s true. In the case of war and times of devastation, a bright, perfect orchid reminds me that things will be stripped away then grow back. My opinion on when and how are irrelevant. Mother Nature answers to no one, and this is how she teaches trust and patience, two of the most beautiful qualities of the heart.

I really suggest taking in this wonderful exhibit if you’re in the New York area. My kids and I had a truly memorable experience, and can’t wait to revisit NYBG again.

Kale Egg Tortilla Cups

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These delish, holdable egg bites are a fabulous brunch idea, perfect for passing around. I have been loving these low carb mini tortillas (Amazon, duh). I molded them in muffin tins that I then filled with a tasty egg mixture and baked. Def use whatever combo of veggies and cheeses you have on hand, in my case it was kale and Parmesan. This easily made a dozen. Big hit with the guests!

You’ll need:
1 cup cooked, chopped kale (1 1/2 cups raw)
4 whole eggs, 4 egg whites
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan
1/3 cup chopped parsley
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp each pepper and garlic powder
12 mini tortillas

Oven to 400. Lightly oil two muffin tins, coating all over. Place a mini tortilla in each one, folding in to create a cup like shape. Sauté the kale lightly until tender and reduced in size. Set aside to cool. Whisk the eggs in a medium size bowl. Add the seasonings, cheese, then cooled kale. Mix well. Using a 1/3 cup measuring cup, spoon the egg mixture into each tortilla cup until 2/3 way up so as to avoid spillage. Bake until eggs are firm to the touch and puffed up, about 15 minutes. Let cool until you can handle them. I used a spoon to gently remove from the tin to a serving platter. Serve warm and holdable.

GG Power Bites

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OMGG! These were soooo good and a snap to make. Packed with nutrition, these yummy bites go a long way in satisfying your snack tooth. If you’re anything like me you require a daily indulgence. Including raisin GG crackers made for a fiber rich treat.
This should make 18 power bites.

Ingredients:
2 packs raisin GG crackers
1/3 cup of your choice of smooth nut butter, I used almond
6 pitted and chopped medjool dates
2 tbsp hemp seeds
1/2 cup old fashioned oats
1/4 cup melted coconut oil
handful of your choice of nuts (like walnuts, peanuts, or pecans)
1/2 cup mini chocolate chips, I used sugar free Lily’s
shredded coconut (optional), a full cup. This can be added to the dough or to be used as a topping as seen here. If adding to the dough, I suggest using only 1/4 to 1/3 cup. Use more to roll the balls in as a topping.

In a food processor grind the GG crackers into crumbs. Add rest of ingredients, except the coconut if topping with it, and pulse to combine. Put dough in a bowl and cover with plastic wrap, refrigerate at least 1 hour until the dough is cohesive enough to shape. Taking dough by the tbsp, roll into balls then dredge in coconut if desired. Store in an airtight container on layers on parchment paper. These freeze beautifully. I take out several at a time to keep in the fridge. Don’t worry, Sweet Tooth, I got you.