Polo Playa

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Hey, Ralph Lipschitz! It’s been decades since I embraced the classic Ralph Lauren Americana vibe. Never did I think I’d be reunited with a suit like this, and it felt good and ladylike to reconnect. This is such a beautifully tailored suit, a head to toe iconic Town and Country statement. Both the skirt and jacket can be worn separately, and I love how the flat riding boots work well for a slightly more casual daytime feel. I find flats to be very chic in that they are less obvious than a go to heel. When flats work in a dressy situation, it’s effortlessly cool. Any sort of riding boot, heel or flat, complements this outfit that surely belongs on a polo field (not that this Jewish girl has ever partook in such a WASPy activity. Would they even let me in??).
Something else I enjoyed about wearing this was that it’s not my most slimming ensemble. I noted this and did not care one iota, which is a newer freedom for me. This is a beautiful outfit, I feel good about my body that I take care of and treat well, and that was entirely enough for me. No lifts or angling tricks to appear slimmer; how liberating is that? It’s time to embrace more of that attitude and not drive ourselves crazy winning imaginary points for whose waist looks the smallest. Ralph Lauren is a strong, consistent, confident brand that has always stood on its own without bells and whistles. Let’s draw from that, shall we?

Mushroom Egg Rolls

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Damn, were these delicious. I had this urge to work with rice paper on a day my daughter was visiting from college. I like coming up with vegetarian recipes for us both. These scrumptious egg rolls are filled with a mixture of shiitake mushrooms, some dried ginger and garlic powder, teriyaki sauce, and carrots and scallions for color and texture. You can play around with fresh ginger and minced fresh garlic, but I swear there is no need; these are delicious using the quick hacks. There a a few steps to making this but it’s not complicated, just allow yourself a good half hour at least to avoid that stressful kitchen rush. When frying, ensure that the smaller sides get a bit crisp so that the rice paper doesn’t stick to your teeth (I’m speaking from experience). Once you get the hang of this, you can play around with various filling and combo ideas. I legit felt like a professional chef.


Ingredients for 8 egg rolls:
12 oz sliced shiitake mushrooms
3 tbsp teriyaki sauce
3 tbsp Mirin rice wine
1/3 cup grated carrots
1/4 cup chopped scallions
1/4 tsp each garlic powder and dried ginger
1 large egg white
Salt, pepper
Rice paper wrappers
Oil for frying, I used avocado
A food processor

To make:
In a large sauté pan heated with olive or avocado oil, cook the mushrooms. Deglaze throughout with the Mirin to keep the mushrooms from sticking and burning, and to infuse with flavor. As they begin to soften, add the garlic powder, ginger, and salt and pepper to taste. Let cook a bit more, then add the teriyaki sauce. Stir and cook until the mushrooms are soft and tender and the liquid is mostly evaporated. Remove pan from heat to cool stirring occasionally, ten minutes. Mushrooms contain water so it’s important to let them release that moisture.
When cooled, place the mushrooms in a food processor and pulse a few times (8?) until you have a cohesive, textured mixture of chopped mushrooms. Check all your seasonings and add slightly if necessary. The mixture should be flavored but definitely not overpowered. Add the scallions, grated carrots, and the egg white. Fold to combine and set aside next to your rice paper work area.
Prep the rice paper wrappers according to package directions (softening each individually in a pan of warm water for about 12 seconds). On a damp kitchen towel, after each wrapper is gently patted dry, place a Tbsp of the vegetable mixture in the middle. Fold up the bottom, then the sides, then the top down. It will look like a little package. I suggest placing the delicate prepared egg rolls on parchment paper for easy transfer. After all the wrappers are filled and ready to cook, heat a large non stick pan with several tbsp to 1/4 cup oil (I like avocado or safflower, these handle heat really well). Fry 3 at a time to give them room to breathe and not stick to one another, until each side is lightly browned, maybe 3 minutes on each side. Remember to slightly turn them on the sides, too, so that there’s a crunch all around with no sticky parts.
Serve with some extra carrots and/or scallions for garnish and soy sauce on the side for dipping. I enjoyed the leftovers the next day at room temp for lunch. These also make really nice plated appetizers.

Be My Galentine

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I’m super into the idea of friends celebrating each other on Valentine’s Day. Women are such natural and loving connectors, most of all to each other. I apologize for being heteronormative, I’m only speaking from my personal perspective; obviously all beings love to love. But, I really dig the whole Galentine thing. No one should ever feel less than for being single, and deep, loving friendships are wonderfully life giving. I adore my close girlfriends and being with them is always a joy. Friends going on a date on Love Day is awesome. This year I have learned to befriend myself in ways I never thought possible. Inner child work, meditation, and my chaplaincy curriculum have taught me incredible ways to reach myself. I talk to myself the way I address my kids and friends; with great tenderness, support, calm, adoration, and unconditional love. It’s taken my whole life to get here. This look represents my friendship with Me. Sweet, soft, cozy, and girly. I’m much yummier with myself lately. I’m learning what it means when I hear “your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have”. A granny sweater, shades of pink, and a barrette were just what I needed to be in to show myself a lil love.

Inconvenient Pain

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I’ve been thinking a lot about this for awhile now. I’ve had this title saved as a draft for months. These two words are so loaded for me; the ways in which we turn away from our own pain and the pain of others is truly heartbreaking. There are so many reasons why someone can’t turn towards another’s suffering, and I don’t believe it’s because they don’t care (in most cases). Our own wounding, habit energy, need for control and safety, plans, etc directly affect our ability to take on what someone else is going through. This all applies to ourselves as well, and the lack of bandwidth we have for our own stuff correlates to the space we have for another’s circumstances. I know for myself, it’s been terribly confusing and desolate when anyone has ever ignored/downplayed/ changed the subject/fed me idiotic platitudes and cheesy advice. It’s one of the ultimate ways to communicate, “not only do I not see you but I don’t even care to right now, because it’s getting in the way of how I need this moment to be”. In the Soto zen Mahayana lineage I study, this is considered a form of killing. It’s akin to obliterating another by refusing to acknowledge their experience. I don’t think there’s a person walking the earth who can’t relate to how shitty this feels, especially when we risk vulnerability by sharing our pain. Anytime I have opened up and have been turned away from, I have felt like I don’t exist because my reality is being tossed in the trash. It’s so painful, particularly when it’s from someone we love and trust (or want to love and trust). It’s sad to know that most human adults are unconsciously walking the earth emotionally injuring each other. It has nothing to do with a good heart, good intentions, or whether a not the one doing the injuring is a nice person or respected teacher or community member. Even really good people often have no idea how to wholeheartedly lean in towards someone else’s hurt. Wholehearted action and attention requires full presence, a quality so many have never learned and can’t even imagine. Emotional intelligence is a skill, and most have never had any exposure to such teaching. I certainly didn’t until several years ago. My language skills in this area are beginning to improve through the school I’m enrolled in to learn to be a chaplain, with the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. This is spiritual care training for the bedside based on Buddhist precepts, teachings, and principles. It’s unlike anything I have ever experienced. My classmates and I are always saying to each other how fortunate we are to be receiving this very specific type of education, and how our curriculum and class structure is impossible to explain to anyone not there. It’s a love language really, and it starts with us on the innermost level, a place that often never gets discovered. In order to love others well and wholeheartedly, we must learn and love the hell out of our own pain, in order to hold it and have it begin to loosen. Our own “stuff” is what blocks connection to others, so without turning towards our own pain it’s actually impossible to reach the hurt of another. You can’t cross a river that’s full of snapping crocodiles to reach someone on the other shore. You won’t make it. Those crocodiles are our own hurts and they prevent us from crossing over. So too, they prevent the other person from trying to reach us.
I can recall many times where I was turned away from and my pain was clearly unwelcome. Inconvenient. It was in the way. One such time that comes to mind is an incident from 7 years ago. Someone very close to me had just died. Very close. I was bereft. There was a family event taking place and I was standing alone in a corner of the room, sobbing. Someone in my family of origin who had planned this event looked at me with disgust and walked right by. I felt like I had just been run over by a truck being driven by this person. It felt cold, cruel, and callous. I felt totally alone. Knowing the circumstances and players involved, I instantly knew that my suffering was an inconvenience. This was supposed to be a party and my tears and mood were not in accordance with the plan. I’m pretty certain some sort of eye roll was involved. The message was clear: your pain is posing a problem for me. Where does one go when they’re hurting and they get a door slammed in their face? It’s a very serious thing, how our behavior impacts others. And I don’t even mean extreme situations like this. Innocuously interrupting someone (like I did today) or not making eye contact when someone is trying to talk to us are also injuring actions. The ways in which we cause harm, from the gross to the subtle, are endless. Like, if someone is struggling and I change the subject to try to fix it or cover it up with “positivity”, that’s not helpful; it’s selfish and points to me not being able to deal for whatever the reason of the moment is. What about uncomfortable situations makes me turn away? I can tell you that having grown up in an emotionally unstable and volatile extended family, anger is scary to me. It meant shit was about to go down, often including physical violence. I learned from a very early age to stay happy and quiet, and to wait out whatever storm cloud had just burst, then pretend like everything was fine and normal. To this day, if I think someone is angry with me I have to really work with the fear that accompanies those thoughts. My habit instinct is to flee. In my CPE class (clinical pastoral education) we do hours and hours of intense IPR (inter personal relations) where everything in each one of us is brought to the table. There is a lot of crying, and it’s the good kind that is clearing and important. It’s really intense and challenging. It’s the first time I have ever experienced emotional honesty, anger/feedback/ disappointments/disconnection in a safe and welcoming space. It took me longer than my peers to give and receive healthy feedback. It was a completely foreign concept. If I upset someone, I’ve been trained to immediately know they’ll abandon me (after telling me what a disappointment I am), and if I share that they’ve upset me, will they hate me forever? The answer is no, they don’t and they won’t. Why? Because these are healthy, loving adults who don’t shatter when things get uncomfortable. This is the most authentic space I’ve ever been it, and not once has it ever been mean, uncaring, insensitive, or led to banishment. I am so grateful to my teachers and peers for never turning away from me, and for the ways in which we are learning to turn towards each other, so we can do this at the bedside. I serve in a senior community and rehab center. I have classmates who are serving in prisons, palliative care units, and government assisted housing. Our intense curriculum includes these detailed verbatim presentations, where we re enact an interaction with a care partner. That interaction is then critiqued (lovingly but very directly) so that we can learn how to hone our chaplaincy skills, all in the service of others. So for instance, my discovery about my relationship to anger has not only been healing for me, but better equips me to deal with the anger of a patient. The world contains a million reasons to have anger. It needs attention and care just as a child having a tantrum does. Ignoring our anger, like ignoring the child who is screaming for acknowledgement and care, causes a massive divide that gets harder and harder to repair. Turning away from ourselves and others is not only not the solution, it’s simply not why we’re here on earth. We are here for connection and to serve each other. That’s not naive idealism, it’s the core of human life. It’s love, whether it’s giving a dollar to someone on the street without judgement or saying to someone in pain, “I’m with you in your suffering. I’m paying deep attention to your experience because you matter”. How can we say such a thing and follow through if we can’t go 3 minutes without checking our phones, or if we can’t even be here for ourselves? The more I learn how to hold myself well the better I can offer up myself to chaplaincy. It’s an opening, an inner shift. That layer of spiritual and emotional support begins with myself. I have felt a huge transformation and deepening since I began this schooling and work. It’s been a gift that keeps leading me home. It’s spacious.

Just as I can clearly remember many, many times where my pain was inconvenient to others, I can also pull up many instances where I was guilty of doing the same to another. It’s a hard reality to face. Accountability is really uncomfortable, which is why so few take a crack at it. But it’s a lot more uncomfortable to turn away from what we’ve done than to face it. It’s like shoving more skeletons in a closet when the closet door is already coming off the hinges. It’ll break eventually and the hidden, shameful contents will spill everywhere. There is strength and confidence in making a genuine apology. It requires us to forgive ourselves for being humans who really mess up, and to allow space for our shame, the other person’s pain, and to allow for rupture and repair. It welcomes in the other person’s experience instead of shutting it out. It’s the weakest people who can’t genuinely apologize. Their fragility in ego blocks any ability to admit they aren’t perfect. Humility is a very strong quality. Recently I have offered very genuine apologies to people who weren’t totally aware I’d hurt them, but I knew I had. It was scary to bring my unconscious actions to light, but these were incredibly meaningful and honest moments for all parties. Honesty is always freeing since it clears a blockage. It’s detoxification.
As I learn the ways in which I’ve been complicit in making others’ suffering an inconvenience to me, I can move about the world in a way that honors the purpose of human life. And to those who have hurt me and would never apologize or take two minutes to look at their actions, well, I believe they’re the ones who suffer most of all because the disconnect to Self is so extreme, resulting in great disconnect from others. This is very sad, tragic really. Moving through life in a way that’s blind to hurt is half a life. That’s not what I’m here for.

Call Me by My True Names, by Thich Nhat Hanh

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Thich Nhat Hanh recently passed on. He was 95. Known as the “father of mindfulness”, he was a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk. He taught countless individuals the power of profound presence. I’ve read that watching him walk a single step was completely transformative. Imagine, the power we humans all have to move mountains by how we treat one small, seemingly insignificant step. Paying attention is a rare quality. He wrote numerous books, poems, and texts. Below is one of his most well known poems. Parts of it are uncomfortable for me. I don’t want to be a sea pirate who rapes a child! I have been thinking a lot lately about what this poem means, especially the lines my mind chooses to push away. I think one of the messages is exactly that: what do we push away and reject, within ourselves and the greater picture? If we are each a fully contained universe, doesn’t that also include the horrors of life? This poem, to me, feels like an unattainable level of acceptance of the ugliness that exists, yet this human being attained it, which points to the limitless possibility we have to surprise ourselves over and over. The heart is so much bigger and stronger than the mind.

https://www.awakin.org/v2/read/view.php?tid=2088

Feeling Warm

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What, pray tell, is more perfect during cold season than the classic winter white fisherman sweater? I swear, I look at this piece and am instantly soothed and warmed. Soft, creamy, classic, and functional. Rustling leaves, that amazing crisp cold weather scent, and sitting fireside are some of the feels I have when wearing this. The versatility of this item is vast, and I paired it here with warm toned, terracotta faux leather pants. My accessories add major pops of personality while not being too loud, as well as staying in the warm tones. I like a dose of fun with a more conservative look; that’s what I’m most comfortable with so I don’t dip into anything resembling cookie cutter. The fun horse print on my orange clutch, and leopard print heels lent just enough whimsy. I always love a loose top knot with a cozy sweater. And why not grab a quick street candy fix en route to dinner, am I right?

Clean Lemon Blueberry Donuts

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And we’re back! Finally took out the donut pans I ordered months ago. This one is a champ; no white flour, no white sugar (just a little bit for the optional but recommend icing), lemon zest, and fresh blueberries. I was blown away by how perfect these were. Soft, flavorful, and easy to make. This recipe makes a dozen donuts. You can freeze the baked donuts in between layers of parchment paper. Frost them after removing from the freezer, at least 45 minutes before serving so the glaze can set.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup melted coconut oil
3/4 cup coconut sugar
1/4 cup applesauce regular or cinnamon flavor (don’t use unsweetened, I used fresh)
1 large egg lightly beaten
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup EACH almond and oat flours
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 packed tsp fresh lemon zest
1 cup fresh blueberries

Glaze:
1/2 cup confectioners sugar with extra on hand to thicken if needed
Tbsp oat milk or other milk of choice

Oven to 350. Grease a donut pan/s for 12 donuts. I used a generous amount of coconut oil spray. Set aside. Mix all the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Add the egg, applesauce, oil, and vanilla and mix only until well combined. Fold in the zest and berries, mixing gently to evenly distribute. Spoon the mixture into each donut mold, until the batter is 3/4 way up. Smooth around with the back of a greased spoon. Bake about 20 minutes until a tester comes out clean and the edges begin to lightly brown. Let cool for 10 minutes, turn out onto a wire rack. Cool thoroughly before glazing or glaze will melt.
In a small bowl, mix the powdered sugar and oat milk until the glaze is a medium thick consistency. Add sugar and milk as needed. Drizzle over the donuts. Let the glaze fully set before serving, at least 45 minutes.










Winter Wins

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I wanted to share this working list of fun things I’ve done, and would like to do, with my family during winter. I love winter. Hats, mittens, that fresh leaf burning scent, crisp air, snow days, and an excuse to get warm and cozy by a fire. Currently there are a couple feet of fresh snow, and I had such a great time playing outside with my kids. I can’t recall the last time I actually made it outside, even though I make them bundle up and go. It felt so good to stomp around in my boots as I watched them roll around in the snow with the dog (who is half Husky and returned to his wintry roots). We seem to like our lists here on Lady Blaga. So fun to exchange ideas on this platform. Please write in if you have your own suggestions, I’d love to add your creativity to our family repertoire. Hey, it’s freezing and there’s a pandemic out there, we must band together and keep stuff warm and alive.


Make homemade hot pretzels. We like the Williams Sonoma recipe. My kids favor cheddar jalapeño and cinnamon sugar. You can set out bowls of toppings and play with shapes. Misshapen ones taste just as good.

Have each family member choose a coat they’ve outgrown to donate to a local shelter.

Find an article online about a topic your crew is interested in. Read and discuss over s’mores and hot cocoa.

Assign each family member another member and paint portraits of each other, or do this collage style with bowls of household odds and ends. The stranger the materials the better.

Have a goofy songwriting contest. The winner chooses something the rest of the fam has to collectively bake for them.

Bake cookies to bring to the local fire station with handwritten thank you notes.

Take a winter photo walk and actually turn it into a physical album (I know).

Sort through the black hole of gloves that’s accumulated over the years. Take the lonely ones without mates and turn them into homemade puppets. Yes, the puppet show comes next.

If you’re in NYC, Bryant Park offers amazing things to see and do. Bumper cars on ice! Skating at Rockefeller Center is always a classic activity.

Choreography challenge! Have each fam member choose a song and teach the others a silly dance routine. Designate someone to judge. This is also really fun to perform virtually for grandparents and have them be the judges (omg, they’d love it).

Take any type of class, alone/together or in person/online. If this pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that education is literally at our fingertips, there’s no time to waste in enjoying life, and that opening ourselves up to new experiences is vital and rewarding. My daughter and I loved our in person macaron class, and we all enjoyed an online food art class back in Spring. We made Tigger from Winnie the Pooh out of apples, sweet potato, and eggplant. We’ve also taken samurai sword, painting, and challah baking classes online. There’s so much out there.

Do a secret family gift swap over homemade pizza night. Everyone can make their own from an assortment of toppings. Buy dough from your local pizza shop.

Have a fashion show from items in each other’s closets. Put on music and bust up your makeshift runway.

Support your local theatre community and actually leave the house to see a show. Broadway is slowly coming back!

Shovel snow for an elderly neighbor.

Chocolate fondue and movie night!

Go to a comedy club. Laughter warms the soul.

Parents, let your kids do your makeup and style your hair. I have yet to try this myself but it’s gotta be really fun (for them).

Sit down as a family and compose a legit trip wish list, day or longer. This is a great way to have kids know that their expansive desires are being heard and will be carried out.

Clean out books no longer of use and donate them to your local library or shelter.

Make food out of play dough. You can make a whole meal together, with each person creating a different dish. Take in the amazingly weird play dough smell.

Put together a family playlist for car trips and chilling at home. There’s pride in hearing our selections be enjoyed by others.

Backless in Black

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This sweater looks amazing from the back, but it’s actually ridiculous; I can’t wear a bra with it and if I move one centimeter then I will unleash the Girls. I must not have been thinking logically when I bought it, but then again that’s part of what’s entertaining about shopping: the choices we make can have nothing to do with the item itself. Not sorry I have it though, it does look cool as long as I’m not engaging in public nudity. I love a cropped sweater with a full skirt. I wore this skirt a few weeks ago with a cream sweater, as seen on the blog and IG. I have always proudly reused my wardrobe pieces in different ways. A long skirt is a beautiful alternative to a winter pant. Ballgown, full, midi, or knee length over a high boot is a lovely choice for dressing up. A dramatic top that shows some skin breaks up the density of the look and keeps things sexy and exciting. Leaving my hair down adds some effortless, relaxed flavor. As always, the city lights are a perfect backdrop to a special night. Luminosity, wherever it comes from, is a constant reminder of joy, light in the darkness, and shining presence.

Sequined Pants

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The cool thing about sequins, in addition to the obvious, is that they can jazz up classic shapes like a blazer or trouser. Sequins are such a fun way to add sparkle, personality, and joy to a look. Sequins say, “I’m here, the party can now begin”. I wore my gold sequined Norma Kamali pants to a recent DJ gig at the Empire Hotel. When I DJ I must be comfortable, and it’s equally important to me that I look the part as well. Who wants to look at a boring, shlumpy DJ? Dancing, crowd engagement, and bringing energy to the space are crucial components to my performance. It’s never just about the music, it’s how it’s delivered. The Empire Rooftop is in a beautiful, classic New York location, directly across from iconic Lincoln Center. This was the hotel where Gossip Girl was mostly filmed! A classic button down in black rounded out the pants that night. See? Even more toned down, conservative dressers can make sequins work for them. One shiny piece is the statement. And since I’m DJing in a mask these days, I pop my eye makeup with lots of shimmer as well. Fun touches, textures, and details communicate a certain energy that’s contagious.

Birthday Dinner at Lafayette

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I really wanted to treat myself on my recent birthday. I turned 44 last week, and wanted to spend it with some of the people I love most. About a month ago, I was doing an evening photo shoot in the NoHo area of downtown NYC, and was so taken with this stunning restaurant, Lafayette. The most beautiful outdoor dining I have ever seen was calling my name, and it was a no brainer that this was to be my upcoming birthday spot. I reserved one of the gorgeous outdoor chalets (I told my friends I was taking them to Switzerland). The restaurant was so communicative about dietary restrictions and preferences. The chalets serve a pre fixed meal (you can add on anything else at the time) and they were so accommodating of our kosher, vegetarian guidelines. Chef Andrew Carmellini’s cuisine was excellent. We all commented on how the whole experience was exquisitely balanced, in that the thrill of the decor wasn’t used to distract from mediocre food. Butternut squash risotto, a magnificent vegetable tagine, and flambé crepe Suzette were just some of the delicious dishes we had (I don’t hang with chicks who don’t eat). I felt so loved and special with my friends in this wonderful place, and it felt great to receive from both them as well as myself. Don’t ever hesitate to treat yourself to what you enjoy. Self generosity makes life richer and more loving. You are deserving of receiving just as much as anyone else. Lafayette was the perfect choice for my birthday dinner, and I highly recommend checking it out for any occasion. Every day has the potential to be cause for celebration.

When Lions Roar

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I’m so proud of my zen teacher, Kōshin Paley Ellison, for writing the following letter to the entire Buddhist community, in the aftermath of the Texas synagogue hostage hate crime. Anti Semitism, and the surprising and disheartening overall lack of response from the Buddhist community is a topic Kōshin and I have been discussing for many months. Kōshin is a proud Jew, and this is one of the reasons I feel so close to him; he fully gets me from that particular angle. The horrifying situation that happened in Texas took place over the course of our sangha’s recent online winter Sesshin (a heart mind silent retreat). A gunman entered a synagogue during prayers and held several hostages, the rabbi included, while ranting about how Jews control the world. (This is an oversimplification, and you can search online for more details).


Each time we meet for regular zen services, there’s a prayer list. I asked Kōshin to add the victims to the list, and was brought to tears when at the closing of the retreat he made a speech about what it means to be a practicing Jew in today’s times. How it’s a gift and a privilege to be able to practice Buddhism without metal detectors and security guards. I was struck by the realization that I don’t even think about our own school and synagogue’s extensive security, in that I’m so completely used to it (which made me so sad). Btw, when our retreats fall out on a Friday night, as they usually do, our sangha adds the Jewish Friday night kiddish blessing over the wine, to usher in the Sabbath. These details matter. The things we notice and include, and those we ignore and exclude. It begs deep personal inquiry. We can’t address what we refuse to look at. Kōshin is always asking us to pay acute attention to the suffering we don’t include in our hearts, the people we shut out, especially our own personal pain. When I’m a slave to my own aversions, biases, and prejudices, and indifferences, how can I possibly be a fully functioning member of global society? Who am I to decide who deserves my attention and compassion? Where am I turning a blind eye to suffering? Anti Semitism has always been a tremendously dangerous problem. It’s sadly very much still everywhere. This particular incident in Texas had been carefully planned and executed. Jews have been actively frightened for our lives for a long time now. If our houses of worship aren’t safe to go to in order to peacefully pray, will our neighbors and government defend and protect us? Who will say no to hatred, no matter who is on the receiving end? It’s crucial for the survival of any healthy, functional society that we support and help one another. That we care about each other from the most basic human perspective. I’m so grateful to Kōshin for taking this strong, beautiful, public stance that calls on the Buddhist community at large to stand firm against anti Semitism, in keeping with the vow to serve and protect all beings, without exception. Over 100 Buddhist leaders signed this letter. Lion’s Roar is one of the most well known Buddhist magazines and online publications, and it gives me hope that many will read this important article. Every one of us can and must do better to include all forms of suffering. I certainly have a long way to go in this department. I had no idea my teacher was working on this. He sent me this article last week, on what happened to be my birthday (he didn’t know that). The timing felt very synchronistic. This was a beautiful gift, and I went to bed feeling a renewed sense of hope and possibility for what we all are capable of.

https://www.lionsroar.com/buddhist-leaders-share-open-letter-addressing-antisemitism-following-texas-synagogue-attack/

Joey Roses

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So psyched to feature Joey Roses, the fantastic new LES spot where I DJ’d on New Years. I’m obsessed with this place for several reasons: the delicious sandwiches, super rad retro decor, and the fact that it’s owned by comedian Joe DeRosa. I see this place as a clubhouse for the unique New York comedy scene (if you know anything about me then you know that’s my jam), while creating a warm neighborhood atmosphere where people love to come hang. The vibe here is such an authentic throwback, excellently curated with vintage items from before the early 80’s. Since that was the decade of my childhood, I was in instant heaven upon entering. The back of the restaurant has a wood paneled lounge, the kind of place I can see the Rat Pack having a drink and a good laugh. Comedians like Sal Vulcano, Michael Che, and Chris Distefano are known to pop in. This neighborhood happens to be my favorite part of NYC; it drips with history, grit, and character. I got to know it a few years ago when I started taking DJ lessons at Scratch in Cooper Square, a couple blocks up. The bar here is a tricked out collage of 80’s New York rappers like Biz Markie and a yung LL Cool J, the staff is funny and welcoming, and I can attest to the fact that their tuna sandwich is the best in the city. Featuring 8 types of artisanal sandwiches (there’s even a vegan PB&J), the food, folks, drinks, music, and vibe create a most worthwhile reason to venture out during the pandemic. You’ll feel at home here. It’s the kind of establishment New York has been needing for awhile, and it feels great to have places like this back.

Joey Roses
174 Rivington St

The Process of Elimination

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It’s amazing; we arrive in this world with nothing. Babies are seen as completely perfect and are loved immediately for being nothing other than they naturally are. The natural, unadorned state of a baby is enough to make hearts swell and burst with deep love and appreciation. Yet somehow along the course of that baby’s life, it goes on to accumulate indescribable amounts of “stuff”. Material things, ideas, preconceived notions, roles, money, fears, anxieties, clothes, relationships, educational degrees, the list is endless. Why? Because as soon as we learn we need more than what we already are, the hungry ghost gets activated and is never satiated. Its very nature is to want and so there’s no cut off point. Another bite, another dollar, another kiss, another car, another pair of shoes, another drink, another distraction, another achievement, another text, another 5 pounds, another vacation. The wanting and hunt for acquisition becomes an all consuming focus of most of our lives, even disguising itself in religion, spirituality, and worship. Another prayer, another teaching, another religious or spiritual accomplishment, another ritual, another law observed. I have been filled with deep grief at learning my own hungry ghosts, why they want what they want, and what they are really trying to tell me. We all have them, and it was a turning point in my life to realize who they are, where they come from, and how they take up residence in my human psyche. These hungry ghosts are simply part of human life, and if we don’t make friends with them then they will control us. It’s like a bus driver who is in full control of the route, destination, and passengers. The hungry ghost deserves tremendous compassion since it’s never satisfied, and also gratitude; it’s main purpose is to ultimately lead us home to the realization that underneath all the suffering and craving, we are innately whole and naturally enough. We lack nothing, despite being taught and conditioned to feel the opposite. Living in cultures of More, More, More makes believing our wholeness even harder. The messages of lack, and therefore acquiring, are everywhere. Who we are, what we own, what we haven’t yet achieved, what we look like, the success of our kids and partners; it’s all subject to evaluation and criticism. I grew up in a hyper critical environment full of shaming, comparison, and messages of extreme lack, but I have seen pretty much the same outcome from people I know who came from more supportive and loving environments. Point being, we all basically wind up in the same boat with the hungry ghost as captain. Btw, if any of you relate to the general description of my upbringing, and I suspect many of you do, please know that anyone sending the message to you that you don’t measure up in any way, is textbook projecting their own unworthiness onto you. That is a fact. No one who feels good, joyful, and at peace in their own life treats others in such a way. Whether it’s a friend, a partner, a parent, a colleague etc, all lack stems from the giver and not the recipient. It’s also important to remember that these people learned this from another source as well. Lack and unworthiness is a very damaged language that is learned and unconsciously transmitted. Only with awareness do we get the chance to break these cycles.
One of the reasons I love Buddhist practice so much is that it teaches me to strip away everything that is not my true, whole nature. I mean everything: thoughts, cravings, patterns of suffering, habits, learned stories and conditioning, and attachments to emotions and mental formations (to name a few). Buddhist psychology cuts to the root of human suffering by teaching one how to work acutely with the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual bodies. By driving home the truth that EVERYTHING is impermanent, this begins to separate the real us from our deluded accumulated excess. We begin to loosen the grip on our identifications, be it through thought, materialism, appearance, or feeling. I find that the more excess I can let go of, the more intimate I can be in each moment. I see direct results; if I can shake loose doubts and fears for example, this removes the barrier of a scary perceived obstacle, which then allows me to face said obstacle and reframe it as an opportunity. Whatever I can scrape off from my life causes an increased lightness. We only carry what we refuse to put down. Read that again. We only carry what we refuse to put down. Even scraping the shmutz off my tongue with my tongue scraper every day feels great; I’m seeing yucky stuff that doesn’t belong there get washed away. Being clean and pure feels good and natural. Removing what doesn’t belong, whether it’s an old pair of pants, an unhealthy relationship, extra inches of dry hair, a grudge, an unsatisfying job, or an outdated mindset, simply feels right. Eliminating waste from a bodily perspective is a tremendous blessing. To not be able to pee and defecate properly means the body is sick. So too with our other dimensions of being. If we can’t (or won’t) release other forms of waste then we will accumulate a lifetime of mental and emotional poison. Just as we always need to eat then shit out in order to physically function, so too must we constantly examine all the various ways in how we can eliminate.
What have I taken in that needs to be gotten rid of? What have I picked up that needs dropping? What has been literally weighing me down? What relationships are clogging my life? What role am I playing in my own accumulated suffering? What new decisions can I make that will support my personal freedom by way of eliminating waste? What don’t I need anymore in order to unconsciously survive? What lack is driving the grip? What’s needed in this now moment to further my process of elimination?
What’s needed in yours?
May our awareness, self love, and power of choice, not our hungry ghosts, drive our buses home again and again. We are always waiting for ourselves.

Downtown Primary

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This look is all about that clean, essential color palette we first learn about as wee ones. Inspired by my new yellow corduroy pants from several posts ago, I wanted to color block with the classics. A navy cashmere sweater, coordinating navy boyfriend coat, winter white boots, and red sunglasses. This color combo never gets old. I rather enjoy the simplicity of a few monochrome pieces all quietly complimenting each other. Though this outfit runs preppier than the backdrop of downtown Lower East Side graffiti, what is life without contrast?