listen to royal cinema- rebels

My Sudra

I love this new Israeli company that makes what is called a “sudra”. These patterned Jewish scarves were historically worn over 3,000 years ago by the Nation of Israel in ancient Judea. Reviving old customs and traditions is a beautiful way to honor our past by bringing our ancestors into the present. We are here because of those who came before us. The seeds of our lives were planted generations before we ourselves arrived, and we must cherish that fact dearly. I feel such a deep connection to my Judaism when I think about the struggle Jews throughout history have gone through to ensure our survival. I would not exist without that struggle, and I owe it to future generations of Jews to carry our past in my heart. One of the greatest acts of bravery Jews have historically upheld is to maintain their identity with traditional and religious clothing. During times of great danger, brutal persecution, and the threat of extinction, it was nothing less than pure courage for Jews to not hide by discarding their unique dress, forgoing their Hebrew names, and abandoning their customs and laws. It would have been much safer and easier to discard these things that set us apart. It is very hard to hide a religious Jew, especially the males due to circumcision. One of the first thing the Nazis did was look for proof of circumcision. There was literally nowhere to hide. Jews have always been hunted so to stand firm in our appearance and refuse to give up our beliefs is the purest act of integrity and defiance. Anti Semitism has been out of control over the past couple of years. The spike in brutally violent attacks on Jews worldwide is devastating and frightening. I am moved to reach even more so towards my heritage during this terrifying climate, and so I take great pride and comfort in wearing My Sudra.
From a fashion perspective it’s a really cool scarf, so it’s a new staple in my layering wardrobe. The message in Hebrew means “the nation of Israel will live forever”. This phrase is a popular song I learned in preschool and its meaning continues to deepen as we keep facing struggles and challenges to survive. The interlocking Jewish star pattern symbolizes the strong interconnection all Jews have with each other everywhere throughout space and time. My grandparents and the Jewish warriors before them did not survive the atrocities of persecution to live in fear. Times are scary but I will neither cower nor tremble. I will wear My Sudra as a proud Jewish woman and mother who will persevere with love for my people, culture, and religion. Jewish or not, check out this new company whose messages of strength, survival, pride, and perseverance are completely universal. I don’t know of any human being who doesn’t need reminders and reinforcements that show us what our hearts and spirits are capable of.

Maybe, Perhaps

This well known teaching story has been a guiding light for me lately. I have been reaching for it when I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by certain circumstances and feelings. It’s a reminder to me that the way things immediately seem is just a part to the bigger story, the story I haven’t yet been privy to. There is always so much more at play that our limited view of life allows us to see. I also am challenged by patience; this tale is a reminder to pause, breathe, feel my feelings without getting swallowed by them, and trust the bigger picture that has yet to be revealed. Very important growth happens in the empty space of inactivity. The pause is crucial, as are faith and trust. These 3 ingredients have gotten me out of many a mental hole when I’m in a sad or fearful state of nervous system dysregulation. 
Looking back on my life I have had many, many moments where the most seemingly unbearable circumstances somehow birthed major turning points, which led to other wonderful situations. And here’s the thing about all the low points: I’ve gotten through all of them even with the pain, struggle, and resistance. In hindsight (naturally) I can see how each dark moment led to me being forced to find new pathways into light. The wisdom taught in stories such as this are timeless for a reason. I find comfort in the fact that humans throughout time and history have felt the same feelings, and that universal wisdom is indeed available. 

listen to usher bad girl

Slipping Out

A few posts back I featured a black slip; here we go from slip to slip dress by adding a few pieces that take this sexy essential out of the bedroom to a night out on the town. Using a classically pretty black slip, I put on a duster, heels, and a thin statement scarf to make an outfit. The material and pattern on the duster add drama, formality, and character, and the heels also add to the dressy factor. A kimono would have the same affect. A thin beaded scarf is a cool alternative to a long statement necklace. 
Slip dresses are such great building blocks to a variety of looks. I have several in an assortment of colors. In this case, if the cut of your slip isn’t too “extra” you can remove the duster for dancing to reveal a beautiful, silky black dress. Not mad at that at all. 

listen to dj mustard - don't hurt me

Boardroom Chic

Ok, fine, we are in the bedroom and not the boardroom but you get the idea:). Also this photo was staged but I am a huge reader and have been all my life. I’m grateful for my love of reading, learning, thinking, vocabulary, and for the pure simple pleasure of being entrenched in a book. Books have always been a great mood stabilizer for me, especially whilst reading in bed. So far one out of my four kids is a bookworm like mama, and I’m remaining optimistic and hopeful for the other three. 

Back to style. I love this classic pairing of a clean trouser, sexy button down, glasses (these are fake and cute), and a neutral pump. This look is perfect in any sort of professional setting. Throw a blazer over it and you’ve got yourself the perfect power suit. Remove said blazer and you’re off to dinner or happy hour. The leopard pattern on the top is in neutral tones, like the shoes, and isn’t in your face. Animal prints, like many prints, are a good way to add statement and dimension to an otherwise potentially flat look. The few key pieces here should have great fit, good tailoring, and a cohesive feel. These are actually the same pants I wore a couple posts ago, the one with the black pantsuit and silk cami. I love when one item can work so well and differently in various looks. A good pair of black slacks that fit beautifully and are well made is an essential investment in any wardrobe. The shoulder and sleeve detail on my blouse add a dose of fun and femininity to an otherwise predictable silhouette. The tan pump vs a standard black one is a good way to break up hip to floor black. Working with coordinating neutrals is chic, clean, and sharp. 

The White Lotus

I’m currently obsessed with season 2 of The White Lotus. Binging it. I held off jumping on this new season because I loved the first season so much and didn’t want this new chapter to be disappointing. If that resonates trust me when I tell you that it’s just as juicy and excellent the second time around. The show is obviously visually delicious. Stunning scenarios and beautiful cast members in exotic locations. The casting is fantastic, as is the acting. This show is so much more than meets the satiated eye and I have been pondering why, which led me to want to write about it. 
When I watch each episode I’m fraught with tension and discomfort. There is contraction and unease in my belly, like I’m bracing myself for some kind of impact. Good television is so engrossing and entertaining because it makes us react, even if we can’t name, describe, or explain our reactions. I have always gravitated towards the underbelly of things, particularly beautiful, perfect looking things. It’s so fascinating that underneath the gorgeous facades and fronts of the characters here, lies this deeply uncomfortable, sinister, dark, super fucked up, highly nuanced reality. This formula isn’t new but it always works because audiences love schadenfreude. Humans often get off on watching other humans struggle, especially the ones that seem picture perfect. In today’s culture of  effortlessly beautiful and easeful, filtered social media, it’s extra juicy to see the ugliness and failures of the folks who seem to have it all. This is an unfortunate part of humanity but so it is; we are animals who, despite sophisticated evolution, are designed for survival of the fittest. We are elementally built to compete and win so that we get the food, the mate, the kingdom, and the position in the pack. We eat and have sex to stay alive and procreate just like all animal species. Our survival in the wild is just as much in the lobby of a five star hotel as it is in the jungle, because we are human beings existing in actual jungles of extreme emotions. We are computers taking in unmanageable amounts of psychological and emotional information, and trading it all with others around us at breakneck speed. Human life is hard and complicated, and watching this play out on screen works because it resonates. It’s familiar to us to identify with marital and sexual tension, emotional dysfunction, greed, hedonism and it’s impact, wanting more and more money, disconnection, power struggles, deceit, confusion, grief, anguish, despair, being used, using others, craving, fear, loneliness, and the oft emotional paralysis that results from constant changing human causes and conditions. The list goes on to what we experience and identify with. Pay close attention as a viewer to what you are averse to and then ask yourself what’s striking such a nerve here. It gets interesting when entertainment is more than just entertaining. When I get curious about my personal reactivity in an honest way, I can then go into my body and explore my various tensions and discomfort and why I’m responding so viscerally. Of course I also get grossed out and scared of things I can’t relate to at all, but a show like this that is all about excruciating human nuance. This I relate to. Hard. 
While last season explored themes of socioeconomic divide, this season focuses on sexual and gender power. I so appreciate how each vignette and storyline, while different, are intertwined and interconnected. I’m often on the edge of my seat and am actually reminded of really shitty vacations in beautiful places I’ve taken myself. It’s a miserable experience being so disconnected, restless, tense, and lonely in a beautiful, picturesque setting. It’s clearly supposed to feel different. No one plans a vacation to be miserable and yet it’s such a common outcome. We can take ourselves away but our shit follows us everywhere we go. To watch this play out on screen is actually validating for me, which is why it resonates. Like, wait, I’m not the only one who has struggled in this type of context. I mean I knew that but it scratches an itch watching it unfold at The White Lotus hotel. There us also a deep sadness and alienating quality to the show that makes me panicky. Again, resonance.  It’s really terrible, all the ways in which people hurt each other and try to whitewash it with aesthetics. 
This show is a social experiment to me: throw a bunch of people in this gilded fishbowl and let’s see how they begin to systematically injure and destroy each other in all sorts of ways. I really recommend this show and I also recommend paying close attention to how you respond to it. There’s valuable information there on both the macro and micro levels. A human life is a deeply complicated one, and I find comfort in this discomfort because it bonds us all.

Holiday Streets

I like to bring some holiday pizazz when I DJ this time of year. Being fun and festive is literally a big part of the gig. I bought this cute skirt on Amazon last year when I DJ’d punk on the Lower East Side for New Year’s. It takes me back to my high school career in the 90’s when plaid mini skirts and fuzzy sweaters (and teeny backpacks) were all the rage (most often, at a rage). Think Liv Tyler in Empire Records. Red plaid, black leather and lace, fishnets, black boots with gold detail, and a lil faux fur added for good measure make up this look. It’s a fun mix of random pieces that is on theme with all the upcoming holiday parties. This look goes from day to night since it’s not too dressy. My new booties with the fabulous gold wedge were a gift from my new favorite shoe company, Cecelia. They were given to me at their recent show during NYFW, and they are super comfortable. The holidays are a fun excuse to dress up and play to the aesthetic themes and moods of winter. This outfit is very danceable which makes it not just cute but practical. The tights were also from Amazon and the lace top is an old Isabel Marant, proving that mixing high and low end can work seamlessly. Drugstore barrettes are a cute detail, and I have this pair in several colors. Fingerless faux leather gloves make almost anything look cool while keeping my digits selfie ready.

listen to Green Day- longview

Being Satisfied With What Is

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1ej4LwHp2e8JfovYuyAMvC?si=CQ15rLbGRmK-sIlKw61gzg

I desperately needed this talk from my zen teacher, Sensei Kōshin Paley Ellison. I was fortunate enough to have been at the NYZCCC while he delivered this message, and I searched it up on Spotify (where all the Zen Care podcasts can be found) while wrestling with (and losing) to a certain theme of afflictive thoughts and stories. It’s amazing how I can know the medicinal solution that’s needed but at the same time completely forget. That’s what human beings do. We move away from wisdom yet are designed to return, remember, and refresh. My teachers and zen community are some of the ways I get back on track.

The story I’m currently tangled in is a very old one. I find that the older the story, the stronger a hold it has on me. The brain reaches for the familiar no matter how shitty something feels. And so my brain, on this particular Sunday, after I spent a whole morning practicing at the zen center, is replaying a narrative that I know well, one I’m pretty sick of carrying around but that clearly still needs tending to. That’s ok, it takes lots of time and practice to begin to untangle these tightly knotted wounds of the past. Which is why this dharma talk will likely be played an infinite amount of times. Wisdom has no expiration date. Santosha is the yogic limb of contentment, and cultivating the heart quality of such is one of the paths to freedom. The heart has an innate ability to plant and nourish seeds of deep contentment which leads us to a deeper intimacy with each moment to moment experience. I know all this and yet I’ve been kinda going crazy with a certain situation. Fall, get up, fall, get up; such is life. Knowing that I have supportive reminders for how to put down the heavy stories is in itself a great comfort. I’ve been working with using my stuff as compost, taking the very thing weighing on me and using it to pull myself up by my bootstraps. Cultivating deep satisfaction is like building up spiritual muscle. It’s going to an emotional gym. We need the weight of the challenge to make us stronger, otherwise there’d be nothing to practice with. And I have much to be satisfied with in any given moment, so it’s a damn shame when I overlook the blessings that are right in front of me.

What am I focused on? How am I framing the situation at hand? How can I refocus and reframe to snap myself out of it? I hope you find this talk as helpful as I did. When the poison becomes the medicine, a central Buddhist idea, this is when true transformation occurs and we taste liberation.

Atypical Gratitude List

Gratitude talk is understandably ubiquitous around holiday time. It’s “on brand” because it’s real. The holidays are the perfect time to take a breath, have a good look at what’s right in front of us, and ditch the kvetching for some likely overdue appreciation. Themes like family, friends, health, warmth etc are so important and shouldn’t be taken for granted. It’s easy, when in grateful mode, to point to the obvious things we should feel gratitude towards. This isn’t that type of list, and I suspect you’ve seen enough of those to last you till next Thanksgiving.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on the less obvious things in my life that I’m grateful for, things that are specific to me. I often write about how crucial it is to appreciate and celebrate ourselves. Noticing my own details deepens my overall appreciation for myself. Having grown up in a hyper critical family of origin, appreciating the many dimensions and details of my life feel like a homecoming of sorts. It’s just as important to acknowledge and compliment myself as it is to be genuine and generous in that way towards others. I have many close friends who have at least one dead parent. Only one of them seems to keep her mother alive because she was so aware of her mother’s many details. I barely know anything about my other friends’ deceased parents, but I feel I know this other mother so well since her daughter celebrates her details to this day, decades later. Who will know and honor our details if we don’t? Working in a senior community as a Zen Buddhist chaplain has me often thinking about how entire lives full of details pass us by. The seniors have so much to say, so much to recount. They’ve had long lives full of stories and stuff. Loves, hobbies, passions, losses. It’s clear which of them feel known in their details and which of them feel unimportant and unacknowledged. If we teach people how to treat us, as the saying goes, how can we expect others to notice our stuff if we fail to? Amongst deeply grooved social conditioning that falsely honors putting oneself last to acquire martyrdom points, lest anyone be seen as selfish, it’s an essential and loving practice to pay attention to ourselves and be aware of all the terrific pieces in the puzzle that makes each of us up. Here are some of the things I’m grateful for about myself. I hope this inspires you to think about what you love and appreciate about yourselves. No detail is too small or too weird; they’re what make you You.

Things I’m Grateful For:

I read color very well. Everyone sees color differently, and I’m good at picking up underlying color tones. This helps with decor, making outfits, anything aesthetic.

I cry easily because I’m deeply sensitive. I can cry at the same thing a million times, and I love how deeply feeling I am. It means my heart is open, raw, and exposed.

I can dance and will do so in private (naked in my closet or bathroom) or public ( the supermarket, anywhere).

My sense of humor

My effortless fashion sense

My love of deepening my spirituality

My ability to pick up on the smallest nuance or energy shift. I can read a room. I’m energetically perceptive.

I take meticulous care of my skin

I’m consistent in exercise and yoga. I love being attuned to my body.

I am a master at symbolism and can find meaning almost anywhere

I’m a great gift giver

My hospitality. I love welcoming people into my home and ensuring they’re comfortable.

My confidence

I can talk to a wall

I sometimes still suck my thumb in private and I think it’s sweet that I’ll reach for a childhood comfort.

My cooking and baking skills

My love of reading

My interest and curiosity in the world

How I set a beautiful table for special occasions

I rhyme well

I’m an etymology nerd. I love deconstructing words.

How I arrange the lights every day before my kids come home from school so they walk into a warm environment after a long, cold day.

My creative vision that spans many lanes

My pursuit of my many passions

My work ethic

My growing more comfortable with technology. I was historically petrified of it.

My bedtime care rituals: lavender oil, lemon balm and lavender capsules, lotions, not closing the drapes until right before I go to sleep so I can stare out onto the sky.

I’m a ninja at selecting and arranging tchotchkes

How much I enjoy the supermarket or any kind of market. Freshness! Possibility! Abundance! Color!

I’m an efficient, decisive shopper

I’m a chameleon in many ways while always staying myself

The care and attention I put into menu making

The piles of blankets I intentionally keep in common rooms so that the message is sent to please make yourself at home

I’m fully comfortable dining, traveling, and seeing movies alone

My connection to nature

How I always choose the right flowers

My ability to write a beautiful, heartfelt note to someone

My non complacent approach to life. Rest, yes. Plateau, no. There’s always more growing and shedding to do. No arrival.

My embracing of a Buddhist path alongside my Judaism. They exist together in equal importance, two rivers flowing alongside each other that meet in the same body of water.

My faith in God and a higher power

I throw kick ass parties

I’m a great hang

Not feeling like a douche for writing this list

Since we are ever evolving this is a working list. Writing this out was a fun, poignant activity for all the aforementioned reasons. Have fun with not only getting to know yourself, but in naming all of the nuts and bolts that make your life special. Be grateful for wanting to see yourself in the bright light of loving appreciation. That kind of illuminating attention we give ourselves cannot ever be outsourced. It’s never too late to begin. To love is to really, really notice.

Edge & Flow

I fell in love with the whole pretty dress, roughed up boots look in the 90’s. I was in high school (a dreadful ultra orthodox nunnery) from ‘92 to ‘96 so the fashion at that time imprinted hard. Grunge style and heroin chic (a gross term) were predominant alongside the amazing Seattle rock scene. It somehow became acceptable to wear something feminine as long as there was a beat up element to it. Like if Winona Ryder and Claire Danes could wear this then so could I. That’s often how the teenage mind works; we aim to get closer to our favorite stars by emulating their style. There were no iPhones, no tik tok, and no social media. I got all my fashion inspo from stacks of actual magazines and MTV. The 90’s gave us some great looks while others should probably stay in yesteryear. The pretty, flowy dress with motorcycle boots is a look I love to this day. It’s also a great outfit in more modest spaces; since this is a boob dress I’ll put a cute sweater over it to make it appropriate for synagogue. A dress like this is year round, I just add tights or fishnets during colder months. I have had these Jimmy Choo boots for maybe 15 years and they only get better with time. The more “experienced” they get the cooler they are. Like Winona and Claire.

Listen to SG Lewis X Clario- Better

Essential Pieces

Consider this look a list of pieces that are essential in any wardrobe:

A boyfriend blazer
Curve hugging, flared jeans
Cute belt
Good boots with a chunky heel
Layered necklaces
The perfect tee
Cool hat

Let’s break this down a bit. So my blazer is navy tweed from J. Crew. I absolutely love it. It’s a great item that is the perfect outerwear during transitional seasons. It looks great over at shirt, turtleneck, button down, or even the right kind of dress. I always feel good when I reach for this blazer, and I love how neutral the navy is. My jeans are from Free People. I love bell bottoms, and this pair hugs and holds me well. I will never wear uncomfortable anything, especially in the denim department. There’s enough stretch in this pair and the denim is light enough that it doesn’t feel stiff and oppressive. The tee was a random purchase I bought in a few colors. A perfect t shirt IMHO is light, soft, a bit worn in, feels amazing on my skin, and has the right neckline and sleeves. I never know until I try it on. I like the color of this tee, and I’ve been loving anything in shades of neutral and brown.

My cute belt is maybe 20 years old. It’s tie fabric from J. Crew. It has just enough detail to compliment my outfit without screaming to be noticed. These boots are cream colored with a chunky heel. They are so comfortable and they are a nice departure from basic back boots. This is my favorite hat from my hat closet. I think it’s from a shop called City Hats (or something like that) near Houston St. in downtown NYC. I was driving past the store, saw the amazing hats in the window, and stopped to get out immediately. I got to choose the ribbon and the feather combo. I love how the bright red and purple (my two favorite colors in preschool) feathers work so well off the neutral hat base. I totally get why the whole big hat thing gets parodied, but this one just makes me happy and always does its job. Yes, these hats can look stupid (especially at night) but they can also look rad.

Chic, practical, and versatile wardrobe essentials will serve you well for years to come. They are investments in how we show up on an average day and are an incentive to take off the sweatpants. I always feel good in a solid, put together street look, and repurposing each of these pieces feels good too.

listen to mann- buzzin

Click Here To Feel Good

I love this quote and it’s so important to talk about this. With so much emphasis on positivity, higher frequency vibrations, manifestation express trains, energy shifting, and choosing our emotions, emotional and spiritual bypassing has become an epidemic. Having said that, I wholeheartedly believe in all the above. I have quoted sources here, such as Abraham Hicks and Dr. Joe Dispenza, whom I greatly love, who consistently teach these things. I have seen time and again how focusing and shifting my energy has proven deeply effective, as well as consciously deciding which thoughts and stories I will water and which mental alleyways I will not go down. This exists in zen practice too; watching all my thoughts and saying, “no thank you” to the ones that keep me locked in cycles of suffering. I am also a devotee of manifestation, and I have witnessed the results of having seen precise scenarios ultimately play out in my life, sometimes to startling detail. I work with a reiki healer who is also an astrologist. Our sessions include experiences you’d commit me for, and without a doubt my energies are lightened, cleansed, and balanced after we meet. I have taken reiki levels 1 and 2, and it’s a goal of mine to pursue it more in the future as a means to serve others. It’s done wonders for me, and my first energy work, way before I had any understanding of what it was, was maybe 20 years ago. I have never done any drugs and am petrified and uninterested in playing with my brain chemistry, though parts of me wish I was brave enough to try ayuhasca and ketamine. I believe in shamans, indigenous wisdom, and that god given natural plants have tremendous healing properties. We are meant to use nature to heal whether it’s plants, love, or stars, and I believe we exist in multiple timelines and realities, hence the ability to deeply feel into what Dr. Dispenza and other spiritual scientists call the quantum field. Knowing this and feeling into my highest future self that exists in that field has done wonders for my heart, faith, and energy. We are so much more vast than the limited stories we have accumulated have us believe, as vast as the cosmos we came from. I know I’m a spirit in a human body having a human experience. It’s a very complex and challenging incarnation humans have been designated to navigate, but so it is; how to maintain the mysticism and wonder of a spirit that so often gets hidden under the immense weight of human thoughts and feelings? No wonder people cling to taking the expressway out of feeling lost, confused, agitated, unworthy, sad, angry, and depleted (just some of the countless fun emotions humans are born to feel). In a culture of hyper activity and maniacal over achieving, I have also seen that there’s a lot of shaming towards people who don’t “simply commit to feeling better”. Like there’s something wrong with someone who can’t flip a switch to a better mood and energetic experience. Social media can be very toxic this way; using quotes to make people feel like failures, especially so that they’ll click the link in bio to purchase whatever classes, books, pills, and creams that will help them be their best selves. It’s manipulative marketing, a tactic as old as time and it’s a big problem in the spiritual community. People are desperate to feel better and it’s too easy to rope them in to anything that dangles the carrot of positive mindset. In short, positive mindset has become a product we are told we can simply click to acquire. Step right up, link in bio.
I have learned many things since beginning my true spiritual journey about 7 years ago, way before I had any idea what was shifting inside me. I couldn’t name it but I was feeling it. It was confusing, terrifying, and I was in a constant state of panic and anxiety. I later learned it’s called the dark night of the soul. It’s the soul emerging from the dark shroud it’s been trapped under. It’s a literal rebirth and we know that birth is messy, painful, and hard AF.
One of the most important things I have learned is that the hard parts of the rebirth, the most frightening and painful, cannot be skipped. There are no magic shortcuts, no fast passes to purchase to enter into Feeling Good Land. Sure, we can try this temporarily but we will always return to the shadows that are very real and needing of attention. If we ignore our pain then we are ignoring ourselves, and this is creating more harm. It’s choosing a different, more beautiful and successful child over the kid who makes you miserable. Neglecting the latter child won’t make the tantrums go away; they’ll likely get a lot louder and more violent the longer they are starved of care and attention. All children need love. Feeling good can become an addiction and a means of controlling an otherwise out of control internal experience. And it’s an addiction because after the good mood bubble bursts we are right back where we started, and so we reach for the good thing again while the bad thing waits for the high to end. It’s another cycle of escape, packaged in the shiny, socially acceptable wrapping of Good Vibes Only. Consumers beware. Toxic positivity is a crafty bitch. She knows what you want.
I deeply honor and celebrate the soul’s desire to feel free, magical, limitless, amazed, and in love with life. I truly feel this way very often and life is beautiful. For me, this incredible appreciation only gets richer the more I’m willing to do a deep dive down into my wounding and painful, deluded core beliefs. Things have to be dug out from the root to be replanted so as to be healthy and thriving. A Unhealthy infrastructure needs to be addressed and dealt with or true change can’t be made. There is a difference between desperately grabbing onto manifestation techniques and doing it from a conscious place of bold and sensitive awareness. This is one of the things I love about zen practice; it teaches grounding and rediscovering space so that I can make room for all the hard stuff. This leads to expansion and to finding my true roots, which then drives real felt shifts in energy. In a word, zen Buddhist practice has taught me safety, and this has been a springboard that makes me feel wonderfully alive and that anything is possible. A child that feels safe will be far more successful than a child who is too petrified and insecure to venture out. Becoming my own home base and touchstone has been transformative, and it’s been this coming home that keeps propelling me forward. The only way out is through, not around the back.
Therapy, mantras, meditation, reiki healing, Buddhist psychology and practice, building a relationship to my breath, as well as the right books/you tube videos/quotes have been some of the tools and techniques I use to keep returning home. Friendship, nature, and spiritual community, and my zen teachers have been crucial. We don’t get sick on our own and we can’t heal on our own. There are many ways to support ourselves in the courageous journey inward to the places we wish and pray we could avoid. It’s never too late. As adults we get to choose the difficult truths we face. We can choose our hard and life is full of these challenging choices. Please choose not to turn away from yourself in favor of the very understandable need to feel better right away. We can’t give pain a makeover. Yes, we are powerful energy shifters and manifestors. Yes! Let’s shift together from a place where we can plant and cultivate seeds of fearless honesty, self acceptance, and inclusion for all parts of our experience. It all belongs. It’s all a powerful teacher guiding us back through the dark forest to spiritual safety and homecoming. It’s the most worth it trip I’ve ever taken. Perhaps let’s reframe “positive mindset” into a loving mindset, an accepting mindset, an honest mindset. A mind that is elastic enough to welcome all our stories with open arms and a safe, warm heart. This is how we begin to build a new relationship to life.

Taylor swift- anti hero

Black Slip Power

Ah, the power of a slip dress, especially in noir. It’s so cool that clothing formerly worn exclusively in the bedroom can be taken into the streets with the right accessories and attitude. Stay tuned for next week where I show how I styled this classic piece from private to public with a couple of easy add ons. A beautiful, luxurious slip dress makes for extra special date nights at home or out on the town. I felt glamorous and feminine getting ready for a special night out; it’s lovely to pregame in a beautiful setting in a beautiful slip. A pink, red, or nude lip is the facial highlight. Not much else is needed when the dress is bringing the fire. This dress is an extremely versatile layering piece: an over sized sweater, blazer, duster, knotted button down, or kimono are some ideas for turning this into an instant outfit. The right jewelry and shoe completes the look, and there are many options for both. Don’t bury your slip since even when paired with other elements since it’s still deserving of attention. Layer it but don’t lose it, it’s too important. Like you.
I feel I must point out that a few years ago I’d NEVER have worn something like this, for several sad reasons. I’m bringing this up because I’m sure many of you are thinking the same thing and I totally get it. It took me years to bring sexy back and even more years to write about it or wear it publicly. For me, feeling this way is essential to my womanhood and it’s a way to honor that part of my being, even if it’s just for me. The way we feel inside is what we give energetically, and the more alive and passionate I feel the more I can enjoy life give of it in various ways. It’s not necessarily about “sexy”, it’s about being awake in every aspect of life. This, for me, is the most beautiful thing to take from inside to out.

Inspired by Food

You may have noticed that there isn’t a food post this week. I recently made the decision to take a break from regular food posting. As much as I absolutely love cooking and sharing that love on this platform, I have concluded that I need to take the time I was spending on developing recipes and devote it to music. I’m so grateful that my DJ career continues to build and that needs to be my focus right now. I still cook all the time and will post about it organically. This keeps my love for it alive, instead of feeling like it’s something I have to get done. This feels really important for a few reasons. When I started the blog almost 6 years ago (!!!!) I was in the midst of a huge life transition (divorce) and was literally desperate for a creative outlet. Never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted that Lady Blaga would still be going so strong in all the ways that it keeps me connected to myself, my passions, and all of you. Creating for the blog was a true lifeline for my mind and soul during a painful time, and it continues to be a source of pride, nourishment, excitement, and joy for me. It is a fixture in my life that gives me continuous reasons to push myself creatively. 6 years of recipes for someone who isn’t a food blogger? I never thought I’d be able to come up with new kitchen adventures for that amount of time but here we are. We must allow room in our lives to surprise ourselves and to grow. Which is why as my DJ career has grown (I need to pinch myself to remember it’s real) my time and focus need to be redirected, and the several hours a week I spend doing food will be given towards that. Change is necessary and good. It’s the definition of actual life. Things are always in flux and we must be able to take stock, observe, and adjust. Also, and this is really important, my love of being in the kitchen was “eating” at me since I felt pulled to be doing music. I have clients who deserve the best of what I have to offer musically and I take my commitment to them seriously. There’s only so much time in the week, especially with four kids and other responsibilities. Point being, I was losing some of my love for doing food posts since they became a source of pressure. It hit me that in order to preserve and honor my love of food posting on this platform I needed to take a step back from it. It was setting a professional and personal boundary with myself. What is the point to anything if we don’t love it? I’m not talking taxes, I’m talking passionate pursuits and hobbies. These extra, fun parts of life are meant to be nourishing and enlivening. When they lose some of their luster it’s ok to reframe our relationships to them. I’ve been feeling this way for awhile and only last week did it hit me that I can make a change. That is perhaps the most important takeaway from this decision. Change and redirection are often very healthy and necessary. Circumstances changes, interests change, responsibilities change, and people change. It’s crucial to take emotional, mental, and spiritual inventory every so often and see how the various components in our lives are feeding or starving us.
Your life is made from your own recipe. You can tweak and adjust all your seasonings to taste. I promise I’ll still share special food posts, it’ll just be at a pace that suits where I’m at now. This was a delicious decision because it was an act of self care. I honor all of us in the decisions we make, both big and small, that serve us and those around us.