The Process of Elimination

It’s amazing; we arrive in this world with nothing. Babies are seen as completely perfect and are loved immediately for being nothing other than they naturally are. The natural, unadorned state of a baby is enough to make hearts swell and burst with deep love and appreciation. Yet somehow along the course of that baby’s life, it goes on to accumulate indescribable amounts of “stuff”. Material things, ideas, preconceived notions, roles, money, fears, anxieties, clothes, relationships, educational degrees, the list is endless. Why? Because as soon as we learn we need more than what we already are, the hungry ghost gets activated and is never satiated. Its very nature is to want and so there’s no cut off point. Another bite, another dollar, another kiss, another car, another pair of shoes, another drink, another distraction, another achievement, another text, another 5 pounds, another vacation. The wanting and hunt for acquisition becomes an all consuming focus of most of our lives, even disguising itself in religion, spirituality, and worship. Another prayer, another teaching, another religious or spiritual accomplishment, another ritual, another law observed. I have been filled with deep grief at learning my own hungry ghosts, why they want what they want, and what they are really trying to tell me. We all have them, and it was a turning point in my life to realize who they are, where they come from, and how they take up residence in my human psyche. These hungry ghosts are simply part of human life, and if we don’t make friends with them then they will control us. It’s like a bus driver who is in full control of the route, destination, and passengers. The hungry ghost deserves tremendous compassion since it’s never satisfied, and also gratitude; it’s main purpose is to ultimately lead us home to the realization that underneath all the suffering and craving, we are innately whole and naturally enough. We lack nothing, despite being taught and conditioned to feel the opposite. Living in cultures of More, More, More makes believing our wholeness even harder. The messages of lack, and therefore acquiring, are everywhere. Who we are, what we own, what we haven’t yet achieved, what we look like, the success of our kids and partners; it’s all subject to evaluation and criticism. I grew up in a hyper critical environment full of shaming, comparison, and messages of extreme lack, but I have seen pretty much the same outcome from people I know who came from more supportive and loving environments. Point being, we all basically wind up in the same boat with the hungry ghost as captain. Btw, if any of you relate to the general description of my upbringing, and I suspect many of you do, please know that anyone sending the message to you that you don’t measure up in any way, is textbook projecting their own unworthiness onto you. That is a fact. No one who feels good, joyful, and at peace in their own life treats others in such a way. Whether it’s a friend, a partner, a parent, a colleague etc, all lack stems from the giver and not the recipient. It’s also important to remember that these people learned this from another source as well. Lack and unworthiness is a very damaged language that is learned and unconsciously transmitted. Only with awareness do we get the chance to break these cycles.
One of the reasons I love Buddhist practice so much is that it teaches me to strip away everything that is not my true, whole nature. I mean everything: thoughts, cravings, patterns of suffering, habits, learned stories and conditioning, and attachments to emotions and mental formations (to name a few). Buddhist psychology cuts to the root of human suffering by teaching one how to work acutely with the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual bodies. By driving home the truth that EVERYTHING is impermanent, this begins to separate the real us from our deluded accumulated excess. We begin to loosen the grip on our identifications, be it through thought, materialism, appearance, or feeling. I find that the more excess I can let go of, the more intimate I can be in each moment. I see direct results; if I can shake loose doubts and fears for example, this removes the barrier of a scary perceived obstacle, which then allows me to face said obstacle and reframe it as an opportunity. Whatever I can scrape off from my life causes an increased lightness. We only carry what we refuse to put down. Read that again. We only carry what we refuse to put down. Even scraping the shmutz off my tongue with my tongue scraper every day feels great; I’m seeing yucky stuff that doesn’t belong there get washed away. Being clean and pure feels good and natural. Removing what doesn’t belong, whether it’s an old pair of pants, an unhealthy relationship, extra inches of dry hair, a grudge, an unsatisfying job, or an outdated mindset, simply feels right. Eliminating waste from a bodily perspective is a tremendous blessing. To not be able to pee and defecate properly means the body is sick. So too with our other dimensions of being. If we can’t (or won’t) release other forms of waste then we will accumulate a lifetime of mental and emotional poison. Just as we always need to eat then shit out in order to physically function, so too must we constantly examine all the various ways in how we can eliminate.
What have I taken in that needs to be gotten rid of? What have I picked up that needs dropping? What has been literally weighing me down? What relationships are clogging my life? What role am I playing in my own accumulated suffering? What new decisions can I make that will support my personal freedom by way of eliminating waste? What don’t I need anymore in order to unconsciously survive? What lack is driving the grip? What’s needed in this now moment to further my process of elimination?
What’s needed in yours?
May our awareness, self love, and power of choice, not our hungry ghosts, drive our buses home again and again. We are always waiting for ourselves.