Emojis as Boundaries 🙅🏼♀️
/Boundaries are something most humans really struggle with. Defining them, understanding them, setting them, knowing we deserve them, and then dealing with all the feels involved. For codependent empathic types, who have been trained to self betray to serve someone else, boundaries are terrifying. We (yes, I’m in da club) have to swim oceans to first understand what boundaries even are, so accustomed are we to chopping ourselves into pieces for others. Then come the ravines full of guilt; feeling like a horrible, selfish person in setting them. Boundaries are really acts of love, to both ourselves and to the one we are in relationship with. Setting them protects the dynamic and allows it to continue without resentment. But codependent empathic types don’t understand what acts of self love really are. We were so deeply programmed that our own stuff doesn’t matter. We were taught to give, serve, deliver, perform, and manage the emotions and expectations of those around us. A lack of boundaries leads to a staggering level of corrosive resentment. Boundaries are scary AF, especially for those of us who were always criticized and rejected for attempting to speak up on our own behalf. Am I a terrible, selfish person? Maybe they’re right; I only think of myself. It’s all my fault. What’s the big deal if I just (fill in the blank) to keep the peace? These are just some of the neurotically reactive thoughts that can come up while setting boundaries. My favorite is when people self betray to “take the high road”. It sounds like self righteous BS as a guise for wimping out. It’s the mind’s way of convincing that it’s ok to deny the self again, since it’s for the greater good. It’s always a recipe for resentment, as well as shame in ignoring our own needs yet again.
Many of us have a lot of extraneous relationships in our lives. I personally do not, but it took awhile to get to this place. I truly only engage with whom I want to, but almost everyone I knows struggles with these kinds of unnecessary connections. This is how emojis can really help you with beginning to set boundaries. I’m not referring to the chief relationships in our lives. Our partner, our children, our best friends, and close family members deserve our wise attention. Those relationships are on our top shelf, and must be handled with love and care, for the sake of all parties involved (including us). However, when it comes to the presences in our lives that we could probably live without and don’t enjoy that much, emojis are a tool available to avoid invasive, annoying questions, dumb, offensive comments, and nosy inquiries. Emojis are fun and there are so many of them‼️ Why not utilize modern technology to help us set and maintain boundaries ⁉️ This is a conservation of energy. It’s not an excuse to wimp out on real boundary setting. Rather, it’s a skillful discernment about where to expend our energy and efforts. Boundaries are hard enough; don’t waste your precious energetic reserves on every intrusive person floating around your world. A lot of people have a tough time simply not answering. This is how emojis can help you go down a road you do not want to travel, if ignoring is too much for you. You do not have to answer questions you don’t want to. You don’t ever have to explain yourself to the bored yenta, who needs a distraction from her own reality. Your business is yours to share with whom you choose to and when. If you need permission to self preserve via ignoring or emoji use, I’m giving it to you. I very much understand that need for permission, when being true to ourselves is foreign or new.
Some ways to try emojis to self preserve:
In response to that annoying question.
when you want to make it clear you will not discuss this right now.
In response to passive aggressive comments. Show them you’re too cool to be affected by their foolishness.
If you don’t want to engage in gossip.
If it’s late enough where you can feign exhaustion and bounce.
To combat whining. The dancing girl comes in handy in negative, ironic situations. She can symbolize “good times”.
This classic can easily address that evil question, “how are you?”. Perhaps the asker doesn’t mean badly, but you don’t feel like answering such a loaded question. Your life and what you choose to divulge about it is ALWAYS YOUR CHOICE. ALWAYS.
I see you if this is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Most of us were never taught to honor and protect ourselves. You spent an arm and a leg on the iPhone, you may as well use it to serve you emotionally, since it’s your constant companion anyway.
“Siri, tell the person calling I never liked them to begin with”.
