And So It Is

To encounter the teachings of Baba Ram Dass is to finally come up for air, even if you didn’t know you were being held under water.

 I’m currently on day 3 of a five day Winter Solstice New Years retreat at Menla. Nestled in the valley of Panther Mountain in Phoenicia, New York. Right now it’s snowing and raining. I did something I usually don’t do; I skipped the afternoon class to stay in bed. I like the ten minute walk to the conference center and normally would insist my body get to where it’s supposed to be, mostly so I don’t miss any of the teachings. Dr. Bob Thurman, world renowned Tibetan Buddhist scholar, and Krishna Das, world renowned Kirtan chanter, are leading this retreat. Menla is the cobalt blue medicine Buddha, hence the name of this retreat space that’s affiliated with the New York City Tibet House. This is my first taste of Tibetan Buddhism. As is my way, I instinctively signed up for this after seeing it on Instagram. Bless you social media; you have tons of crap but also an infinite amount of valuable information that has truly expanded my life. I love you and I’m sorry it took me so long to get to you.

 While I’m really enjoying the coziness of my bed as I look at and listen to the mix of snow and rain, that’s not why I stayed back. I’m still marinating in this mornings offering from our teachers. What took place was not listed on the schedule. It was one of those unexpected events that will forever be imprinted in my mind and heart. I cannot believe my good fortune at having been able to participate. Bob led a Tibetan ceremony describing how the spirit of Ram Dass is passing from his physical body to the spirit realm. Ram Dass’s body is to be cremated tomorrow on December 31st, the last day of this decade. He died on the first night of Chanukah and the darkest night of the year. Always a metaphor for light. We were told in Sanskrit how he is currently in that transitory phase between human and spiritual. Many prayers were said about him, to him, and to the gods who are to welcome and absorb him. It was above all joyful and reverent, very different from the hysteria and grief that describes a Jewish death ceremony. It was riveting when we were told not to be attached to Ram Dass’s body since he isn’t. It was deeply moving hearing “Baba Ram Dass” over and over in Sanskrit. The ancient languages have a truly mystical quality. The teachings of Ram Dass have profoundly changed my life many times. They’ll continue to do so. His words and ideas hit me deeper and deeper with each new phase I enter. He has gotten me through incredibly difficult, overwhelming times. His voice is an elixir, his lectures and books are a sanctuary. Of course I didn’t know him personally, though I did enter a contest with the Love Serve Remember foundation to join his final Maui retreat three weeks ago. At 88 and in a failing body it was known he was going to die soon. But when his body finally gave out it was a punch to the gut. Just knowing he was here was a comfort. I know he’s still here but you know what I mean. That tangibility we humans think we need. My yoga teacher serendipitously sent me Be Here Now, his most famous book, as a gift two weeks before he died. That too has been a tremendous comfort. Books are my friends.  As soon as I heard he was gone in this form it was crystal clear to me why I was led to this retreat. I felt so guided. I needed to be with others who feel the same way right now. Who know what Ram Dass means.  Krishna Das was one of his original students in India in the 60’s. They were very dear friends. Bob Thurman was his student at Harvard when he was a professor there, and they knew each other from India as well. I look at this group from 60’s India with utter awe and lack of comprehension. I feel the exact same way about Led Zeppelin, my favorite band of all time. Like, HOW THE HELL DID A GROUP OF KIDS IN A BASEMENT IN ENGLAND COME UP WITH THIS?????  There is not a time I hear a Zep song without that thought. It is literally beyond any form of mental grasp. So too am I baffled at the depths of spirituality, love, teachings, and truth that a group of Western, mostly Jewish druggies soaked up from a guru in the hills of the Himalayas. Btw there’s a man here on the retreat who is identical to Maharaji, Ram Dass’s guru. Everyone, especially Bob, is kind of freaking out about it. I sat next to him at the first dinner. I could barely look at him, it was too weird. I may have come across as unfriendly and I feel badly. But if it is Maharaji then he knows I didn’t mean it:). KD was a disciple of Maharaji as well. The stories we have been hearing have been invaluable. I still don’t understand “we were looking for truth and meaning so we went to India”. India is a big place! To go there with no plan, no phone, no address, and no place to stay requires a level of faith, freedom, and desperation that somehow resulted in this magical combination for destiny. I cannot fathom what it must have been like to have been there. That time in history musically and spiritually was just unbelievable. What has emerged from these meetings in India has changed hundreds of thousands of lives. Many Jews feel this way about the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson. The Rebbe is believed by some sects to be the messiah. He was endlessly kind, warm, loving, generous, and could see inside minds and souls. He had access to other levels of consciousness. He turned no one away. Beings like this are rare of course. The more we have of them the better. Every group, religion, belief system, or non belief system (which is still a belief system) longs for truth and connection. The soul craves it. These special, divine people gift us with it. The rabid desire for truth and love is contagious. The first time Ram Dass met Maharaji, he was on a trek with a friend in the Himalayas. He came upon a man covered in a blanket sitting on a bed, surrounded by people dressed in white. His mother had died of spleen cancer a few months prior. The night before they met Ram Dass was outside at night looking at the stars and thinking of his mother. As he approached the guru he thought the whole scene looked nuts. He wanted to leave. He didn’t believe in gurus and this looked like a cult. Maharaji, whose name was Neem Karoli Baba, beckoned to him to come closer. He said in Hindi, “you were thinking about your mother last night”. Then, in English though he did not speak it, he pointed to his stomach and said “spleen”. Ram Dass, Richard Alpert, was in shock. To hear him tell that story is to hear him say that there was no way anyone could have known that. He never discussed his mother and hadn’t thought about her on that level until that night prior. “He could see inside my mind. He knew me”. Ram Dass said he had never seen such love, acceptance and compassion as he did emanating from this being.  So he stayed. The rest is history. Countless lives have been changed from that one moment in time, mine included. KD told us last night that in 1971 Maharaji declared Ram Dass a saint, calling him the Christ of the West. Ram Dass never claimed to be this, and was instructed to never discuss Maharaji once he returned to America. Maharaji of course knew he wouldn’t listen. Ram Dass lived the rest of his life teaching about the point of the human incarnation, and what can make it the most beautiful trip or the most miserable experience. He was pure light but was fully entrenched in his humanity. It’s so real to hear KD talk about how Ram Dass couldn’t stand the other westerners. They were stealing his guru, they were wannabes. I’ve heard Ram Dass say this too in his talks from the 60’s and 70’s. Those talks are better than any form of anti anxiety prescription medication.

 At the end of today’s ceremony Bob burned a beautiful picture of Ram Dass, saying we do this joyfully. There’s nothing to be sad about. His spirit is everywhere, he’s free from his aching body, and he’s not in pain so neither should we be. I was crying for obvious reasons but also because I feel like a failure. People like Ram Dass evoke tremendous hope and inspiration. We can be like this. The human ability to love everyone, serve everyone, and remember god is vast. I felt like shit because I am so not there. In any way. Yes I’m on a path but I get sucked back into the bullshit constantly. It’s very easy to feel enlightened when I’m at yoga, with my zen group, or on a retreat in the mountains. But then I’m back in the world and bam. There’s nothing really wrong with that; it’s the way we are built. But knowing what I should be and could be made me feel like I’m squandering this chance at life. The amount of times a day I judge, constrict, get annoyed, think about nonsense, get attached etc. I don’t mind knowing I have work to do. I just don’t know if I’ll ever really do it. I have lists of people I don’t like very much. How can I possibly “love everyone”? Ram Dass said that too, to Maharaji when he was told to embrace the other western devotees. His response was that he couldn’t stand them. This is one of the reasons Ram Dass is so relatable. He was right there in the trenches with everyone else. He did tons of drugs, participated in orgies while hallucinating, was fired from Harvard, and had to keep quiet at the time about his homosexuality. He had the same human cravings and attachments as the rest of us. But he came to know true joy, service, compassion, and connection to spirit and he wanted the world to know it too. No judgments, only love. He was the only American Baba (father),as declared by Neem Karoli Baba. He was chosen to do a certain job on this earth and he did the hell out of it. How many of us will be able to say that when we die?

 The wellspring of love, comfort and purity that is Ram Dass lives on. He is everywhere now. His heart is no longer contained in finite human form. A lot of miracles are about to happen this coming year and decade, just watch. A certain power has been unleashed. How blessed are we to be a part of that.