you asked...

Amongst all the terrific feedback I've been receiving, all of which I SO appreciate, word has it that the viewers would like more concrete info and insight into Lady Blaga. I must say, I truly take this as a compliment. At first I was admittedly surprised, since I've been writing my tush off, sharing all kinds of thoughts and ideas. Then I realized you don't even know my name, which is Jessica.

People have wanted information from me my whole life. I've never been able to get away with a succinct, one word answer. This also feels unnatural to me, since I'm a verbose person. Those who know me well joke that I can extract info out of anyone. Strangers will divulge their innermost, often reminding me of Lucy from Peanuts. God forbid I'm one of those awful people who dig for info about others, while revealing nothing about themselves. Rather, it's the opposite; people share with me because I share with them. It's all proof of the deep human need to find comfort in another person. People gravitate towards warmth, substance, truth, and sincerity. I don't take it lightly that people feel they can confide in me. It is an honor. That doesn't mean I'm always in the mood to listen. I'm human, can be moody, and am often introverted. If I'm deeply in my own headspace and want to be left alone, then it feels quite invasive when I'm approached.

I have shifted a lot in my life, and have been editing everything. I have become much more selective with who I speak to, spend time with, where I go. I only attend events I really want to go to. Sure, there are community and school obligations that are sometimes par for the course, but I've cut a lot of that out. It's not worth the stress. If a social situation feels excruciating, there's just no point. Basically, in order to be able to protect my own space, I physically need to not always show up. Which is why this blog has been so great for me. It's a clear channel for a highly connective human like me to use to share, give, and receive. Only now, all of that is on my own terms. Which really helps me be aware of, and preserve, my own energy.

The biggest catalyst in my realizing all of this is my recent divorce. I was married for 17 years to a great guy. We had four magnificent human beings together. We regret nothing. We are very close, and the six of us are a Ride or Die group. Our children are clear on this. We are very much a family, but things have been restructured. Which in turn has taught me how to restructure pretty much everything in my life. I was a wife at the age of 21, and a mother a year later. In many ways, I'm meeting myself for the first time. It is a wondrous, intoxicatingly exciting time. So I will not let outside factors mess with that. It's a continuous learning process.  I have made, and will keep making, many mistakes. I've learned that mistakes bring clarity, and right now I'm addicted to clarity.   

Part of the feedback was that I seem to live a perfect life, which people today love to feed off. I get it; it's the insane era we live in, where there's waaayyyy too much availability about other people. Nothing is a secret. Everyone's life is a reality show. Believe me when I say I'd NEVER EVER want to come off as a butterflies and rainbows gal. Perfect , trying on outfits and testing recipes in my pretty kitchen. I can't stand people like that! I have no interest whatsoever in one dimensional people who are not real. Pain, sadness, anger, frustration, days we just can't fucking deal; that's reality. So are extreme bursts of joy, belly laughs that make me snort ( I'm a snorter), happy tears, and love. You can't have one extreme without the other. I have never believed "ignorance is bliss". Who the heck wants to be ignorant?? If you don't know the depth of pain then you will never know the height of ecstasy. I'm not afraid of sadness, I don't think I ever have been. It's a human emotion that's simply a part of life. I describe myself as not being physically brave, but I'm emotionally brave. Cemeteries; not a problem. Bicycles and bungee cords; not for me (seriously, I can't ride a bike. I feel I'm missing nothing). Hospital visits; I'm your girl. I'm good in a crisis. I nurture like crazy. Escalators and zip lines; I'll just wait at the bottom (I consider escalators a height). One of the reasons I love quality, dirty, hard hitting stand up comedy is that it does not fear digging in the dirt of the human condition.

I'm crazy about people that can excavate others, call them out on their bullshit, all the while making us crack up. I find humor in pretty much everything. Laughter is instant perspective.   It's very sad when people, especially women, feel they have to work so hard at appearing perfect and happy all the time. I'm not friends with people like that. Life is messy. It's not comprised of stacked neat little boxes. My boxes were thrown in the air and rearranged. That's ok. The boxes are still mine. I can fill them and play with them as much as I want to. As long as my core group is happy and healthy, then all is well. And what keeps that core on the right path is the strength of my foundation. Which I work on every single day. Affirmations, yoga, reading , meditation, even inspirational sayings on Instagram, it all helps. I need constant reminders. There is strength in seeking assistance. It's those who hide behind a veneer that are weak. Strength and courage is admitting you don't have most of the answers. But that you are brave enough to try to look for them. How do we ,in good conscious ,teach our kids it's ok to make mistakes if we don't allow ourselves the same ? It's hypocritical. It's a bad example.

Tears of any kind are beautiful. Tears are truth. Tears are one of the greatest gifts the human body has. They are essential to our emotional survival. I'm a huge crier. I'm proud of that. It's so healthy. Don't be afraid to see your children cry; be afraid to see them NOT cry. Right now, I'm proud of every tear, of every smile, of every gale of pee emitting laughter. They're all mine. Thank you for being interested in more than just fashion and food. Those things are great, but they are not my epicenter. They're not yours either...               

Oh, and I was able to burp the alphabet in middle school, sucked my thumb until I was 15, and my favorite band of all time is Led Zeppelin. The word "mayonnaise" makes me physically sick. Stay tuned, my friends, stay tuned.

All my love, LB