If You Give a Girl a Compliment

Inspired by a hilarious conversation I had with my daughter, inspired by the well known children’s book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”.

If you give a girl a compliment

She will think you are into her
(Like super into her)

She will fish for additional compliments

And when you give them willingly or not, she will imagine you two as a couple

You may think, shit, I think she wants to be a couple

She will tell her friends you like her, and that the Universe is pushing you together

Her friends, some of them, will tell her she deserves compliments, praise, and attention She agrees! She knows her worth!

Her other friends will think she’s reading into things but won’t tell her so as not to rain on her imaginary parade. They know this dude. He’s a dick. He recently complimented another chick they know.

She will begin creating a Pinterest board of your rustic, expensively low key wedding

She will see this as manifestation

When you ask her to hang out, she will get waxed, manicured, blown out, and spray tanned

She will cancel previous plans in order to see you

She will float to buy a new dress, high on the crack hit of compliments (can you blame her?)

She will want you to meet her friends and meet yours. You will be like ummmmm...

After you hang out, she will nervously drop hints about a concert happening next week, in the hopes you’ll ask her to go

When you later don’t ask, she’ll pretend not to care

She will then bake you cookies

When you pay for her drink, she sees it as an engagement ring. Her Pinterest board coming to life

When you mention you are out of work, she’ll make excuses for you, that you’ve been in the process of awakening and finding yourself

When you have to move back home with your parents, she’ll tell you it’s great you have this time to reconnect with your family

She will start pulling back and neglect finding new pins

She will tell her friends the Universe wants her to be single, so as to grow and lean into her wholeness

She will do yoga, journal, and take nature walks

She will respond to you with emojis, not words

You’ll start to miss her and the confidence her adoration gave you. You’ll notice she no longer watches your Instastories

You’ll nervously drop hints about a concert happening next week, in the hopes she’ll suggest going together

She won’t respond then will apologize for being crazy busy

You’ll write the “fire” emoji on her recent Instagram post, an indication you find her hot

She will feel nauseous

She contemplates blocking you

When a chick is done, she is done

Her lack of enthusiasm will be felt

If you continue to give a girl a compliment