Not My Problem

Forgive me for this copy of this poem, it was the clearest I could pull up.
American born from a Palestinian father, Naomi Shihab Nye is one of my favorite recent poetry discoveries. Her way of taking and twisting the mundane into thought provoking poems has impacted me a lot, especially during this difficult time. The monsoon of anti Semitism has plunged me into a roiling cauldron of feelings; rage, disgust, fear, sadness, despair, the frustration of not being heard/seen/cared about, as well as disappointment in how I have sometimes reacted, however justified I know my reactions are. This poem spoke to me in terms of that. When we are pushed, poked, prodded, and pounded on, how can we respond while staying steady instead of diving headfirst into a tornado of unhelpful reactivity? How can I express what I need to and honor that vocal part of me while maintaining equanimity? Almost every day for the past three weeks I have woken up deciding to not go down the social media rabbit hole. Within 2 minutes I have discarded that commitment. It’s enough, and at this point it’s a matter of standing firm in how I want to spend my time and energy. How we spend our days, like the poem says, tells our story. When deep trauma is triggered, which is what is happening now in the Jewish community, it is human nature to seek out those who agree with us (survival mode) and those who don’t agree with us (our chemical addiction to stress reactivity). I have done both of those things so much lately, and I know it’s proof of healing to even have that awareness of the unconscious activity. I’m tired though, not just of the situation but of my old habits. Each step towards the way of change, which indeed begins with awareness and commitment, becomes a new bag of trash left over from the story of how we spent our day.

I’m currently in the midst of a paradigm shift, and how I continue to navigate all this staggering hatred will either cooperate with the shift or it won’t. The shift requires a fresh response in all areas in order for me to send the message to myself that, yes, I’m going in the right direction.