Helping, Fixing, or Serving? - Lion's Roar Inbox

Such a deeply important article. To all the well intentioned fixers out there, I see you. I understand the need to fix in order to control an outcome. This often comes from our own fears, which is why it’s usually unhelpful to the person we are claiming to help. We believe there is safety in the way the story matches up with what we need it to be. Many people fix because they crave security, control, and predictability. It’s fear based. It stems from our own projections, insecurities, and preferences, our own need to be validated. Service, on the other hand, comes from love. It’s not us determining what the other person needs, it’s not us forcing a certain result. Service is an expression of love because it contains the element of trust; trusting the other, trusting life, trusting the unknown, trusting we don’t have the answers, and trusting our inherent value even if we can’t solve the issue at hand. I have found that the deeper I dive into my own habits, clear out old fears, and apply radical honesty to my own process, I have alchemized my need to fix into a genuine desire to serve. I hope you find this useful in your own quest to relate to those around you. We are all deeply responsible for how we respond to others. More often than not, we cause more damage when we aren’t skillfully and sensitively supportive. Service is a skill. It’s ok to need to relearn how to do it, since most of us weren’t modeled healthy acts of supporting others. What’s not ok is to continue to allow our own pathologies to affect others, especially under the guise of help. We learn, we apply, we practice. May we commit to better serving our fellow humans. May we allow for them to serve us, too. Receiving is equally necessary, it’s something we all deserve.

https://www.lionsroar.com/helping-fixing-or-serving/