If I Loved Myself...

I first read this prompt on the Instagram feed of Mark Groves/Create The Love. It was a self inquiry that hit me hard. It’s a guide I use as often as I remember to, and it truly does lead me to the thought/word/action that serves me best in the moment. When we think/speak/act from a place of dignity, clarity, and self love, that seeps out into our environment. Everyone wins. That doesn’t mean everyone is happy. For example, you love yourself so you tell your family you won’t be joining them for the (stressful, tense) holidays. They will be understandably upset, but instead of just masking the issues and suffering as you’ve done in the past, you have now created space for potential honesty and healing of a family wound. By not making things worse in the way of family pain accumulation, you have set the stage for others to be truthful, thereby possibly allowing for seeds of repair. Let’s say you no longer want to date someone but are wrestling with feelings of guilt about removing yourself. By loving yourself out of a situation that doesn’t suit you romantically, you are giving the other party the (albeit painful) a chance to find someone that wants to be with them. It’s actually quite selfish; when we allow our own guilt to deprive the other party of the truth of what’s actually going on. Let’s say the upset party is you. You have just been dumped; it is excruciating and terrifying. Sometimes self love is simply witnessing our pain, not pretending things are ok, and choosing loving thoughts as, “this hurts but I know I’m being guided to my person”. This question hit me so hard because it was not something I was ever taught, as is the case with most of us. This is sad, that the majority of us have been raised and trained to shove ourselves aside out of some deluded belief that everyone around us matters more. The truth is no one matters more than anyone else, ever. Financial status, popularity, homelessness, race, religion, our own family hierarchy; none of these things make anyone better or more important. The day we decide we are worthy is the day we start to free ourselves from the prisons of our own makings, the prisons in which we stay trapped in a cell of self betrayal. Sometimes even self harm. A person who constantly deprives themselves of certain foods out of a need to control and punish their bodies might demonstrate self love by finally enjoying some ice cream. On the flip side, someone who really wants to lose the 20 lockdown pounds would love themselves by not eating the ice cream. Only you know the answer, only you can know what’s right for you. Here are some of the ways I’ll use this question. I hope this helps you begin to ask yourself this most worthy of inquiries. When we locate the answer and follow that inner guidance, it’s a small victory. We all deserve to feel strong, honorable, kind to ourselves, and victorious in our own lives.

If I Loved Myself I’d...
Go to bed earlier
Shut my phone off two hours before bed (yeah, right)
Stop checking my phone incessantly
Push myself to get in my body practice, even if I have to fight through not being in the mood
Take a break from physical activity when I really do need to. By loving my body I love myself.
Wait before firing off that bitchy email since I’ll inevitably feel lousy after.
Not let my self worth get tied up in “that text from that person”
Meditate
Set myself up to not be late, so I can avoid feeling rushed, panicked, and angry at myself for poor time management (see? Everybody wins since now I’m punctual)
Get my blog entries done in advance, so I’m not frazzled last minute
Take a bath every so often
Enjoy the cookie
Mostly eat balanced, nutritious, healthy foods that support me and the life I want to live
Practice DJing since it raises my vibration and makes me feel happy and energized
Remind myself over and over that I’m being guided and cared for by the universe. This helps me feel less afraid.
Breathe deeply and slowly several times throughout the day (at least) so I can regulate my nervous system
Forgive myself when I act/speak/ think unskillfully
Speak up when my needs aren’t being honored or met (this type of silence harms everyone and breeds resentment)
Get clear on what I want from Source and choose to act in alignment with my desires (manifestation is a partnership)
Take my vitamins
Schedule doctors appointments to be on top of my health (so many of us moms neglect our health)
Stop scrolling mindlessly on Instagram
Resist the urge to purchase yet another white tank top
Keep in touch with that person who makes me feel good
Cut ties with that person who makes me feel bad (it sometimes is that simple)
Decline that invitation/date
Embrace more being and less doing

If I loved myself I’d remind myself that to err is human, it is expected, and it is real. And that though I’ll fall many times until the day I die, I can also always rise back up, straighten my crown, take a deep breath, and choose better. When we choose better we heal.
You are worthy of all the love you pour onto others. Each right decision sends a message to ourselves that we are important, precious, deserving, delicious, and sovereign. How would you answer this question today?

***Please note that the above reference to dieting did not refer to anyone struggling with any type of eating disorder. Anyone dealing with an eating disorder should please seek professional guidance. You are certainly not alone. Help is available.