Buddhish

This is a very personal style post for obvious reasons. I debated whether or not to share what I wear for formal zen practice; It’s so private and sacred, yet my goal (and joy) on this blog is to reveal myself to whomever is interested. I got the Soto zen robe in preparation for receiving the precepts at the end of August, in a ceremony called Jukai. The bib like rakusu I sewed myself (with great difficulty but with much support). The base of the rakusu is called the rice field. The red seals are from my teacher when he wrote my dharma name and the details of the ceremony. I received my rakusu and name in public at the ceremony, and it was one of the most defining moments of my life. I was sobbing. Before putting on my rakusu, I place it on my head with the white side folded up and say this prayer, “Vast is the robe of liberation, a formless field of benefaction. I wear the Thatagatha’s teaching, saving all sentient beings”. It’s a vow to act in a way that’s beneficial to myself and all others. The idea of the never ending possibilities for inner and outer freedom comfort me. Having grown up steeped in Jewish ritual, these kinds of prayers and practices are familiar to me. I love symbolic ritual and I’m grateful it has a positive and joyous association for me. My antique Jewish star necklace is equally a part of this post. I am a Jew and a Buddhist. Both of these spiritual approaches feel right and fulfilling. They provide guidance in ways that are both different and similar. I believe there are many paths to reach the same destination. However we get there we get there. There’s no one fixed route. Both my Judaism and Buddhist practice give my life a shape, comfort, and safety that helps me live a rich life. I didn’t feel as much grounding and connecting without the Buddhist piece, as much as I love being Jewish and take it very seriously. It’s such a gift to be able to merge both of these systems into my daily life. They are equally important and fulfilling to me. Whether it’s a yalmuka, Tallis, or a rakusu; to me there’s no difference. Inclusion, curiosity, learning new things, widening out. I am here to live in a large way, and I recall many years living with a closed, tight heart and a mind that saw things rigidly out of a false sense of safety and control. It did not feel good or natural. Exploration of this one amazing life is natural and essential for me. I’m really proud of the unique spiritual path I have begun to carve out. It took a long time to get here. I feel at home in my body, mind, heart, and soul being guided by my Jewish faith and heritage, as well as my ancient and current Buddhist ancestors. I truly feel blessed and deeply held. My necklace says “am yisrael chai” which means “the nation of Israel lives”. I feel I best honor my Judaism by incorporating Buddhist wisdom and ethics into my life. It better prepares me for the world, and for me, the deepest way I can do Hashem’s work is by softening, grounding, and opening up to the whole world with all joys and sorries, miseries and mysteries. We are innately vast. We can hold endless discoveries and learnings. We are never done.