Let’s Talk Beyoncé

So this is in response to something I storied about this week, in regard to my occasionally hearing that I seem to have it easy. A friend once actually did say, “you make it look so easy”, and I have heard variations of this over the years. On the one hand it’s a compliment, but on the flip side it can feel like I’m seen as putting up a front, as well as leaving me feeling quite unseen emotionally. I have never been one to exist in a space of denial or hide my feelings. Since I began the blog, I have certainly been as open as possible (while maintaining my privacy and boundaries) about numerous challenges and struggles. So it was objectively curious to me to ponder why despite my openness, it still comes across as if I’m sailing through life. I truly appreciate these remarks, I know they are intended to acknowledge some sort of grace, strength, and competence. That really means a lot, given all the challenges I have indeed endured. I can absorb the compliment because nothing about my life is fraudulent. Whether you know me from here or in my life as a closer relationship, I believe I’m known for my honesty and transparency. I have always been told I tell it like it is, a phrase that makes me wary; if “telling it like it is” is noteworthy, it can’t be that common. So too with me being told I’m “Out of the box”. Again, why is the typical life “in” the box? Shouldn’t everyone be “out”?

I have gone down a Beyoncé rabbit hole lately during those addictive Instagram scrolls. She is a true soul force of womanhood, creativity, power, feminism, femininity, beauty, and crazy courage. She performed live with Prince at the age of 22. She is an extraordinary talent who is clearly gifted with brains, looks, nutso vocal ability, and wild rhythm. She is also known for being the hardest working woman in the music industry. Yes, she has all these extraordinary gifts, but she also has extraordinary discipline, commitment, work ethic, and vision. She is a mix of natural god given gifts, and the dedication to honing them. By doing so it is clear she takes nothing about her craft for granted. I have seen her perform three times. What she emits can blow your mind. Looking at her it is very easy to think it’s, well, easy. Gorgeous face, gorgeous voice, gorgeous body, infinite money, a beautiful family. She’s got it all. Plus, she seems like a genuinely awesome person and mother. We don’t pay much attention to the unfathomable work and discipline that goes into what makes her life seem so amazing, even though there have been documentaries and numerous interviews in which she seems pretty darn honest. Take her album “Lemonade”. It was about an alleged affair Jay Z had, the pain and rage it caused her, the heartbreak and confusion, and the ass kicking strength she used to piece herself back together. It doesn’t get more honest than this, and yet the impression is that everything is perfect. It’s widely known that her father, with whom she was very close, fathered a child out of wedlock. Bey has been through plenty of shit, including a painful miscarriage. And this is just what we know. To clarify, I am NOT comparing myself to Queen Bey. However, as I mentioned in my story, I too have a level of honesty that is both rare and therefore seen as courageous. Unfortunately, most people are so petrified to be truthful about themselves, their lives, their crushed hopes, their foibles, and their vulnerabilities, their depressions and disappointments. So much gets hidden, ignored, and covered up under the guise of “ease” and “perfection”. Ironically, no one discerning buys this act. I have learned that dishonesty always reveals itself. It seeps out through the cracks, and is seen in how people age physically, behave emotionally, and interact energetically. Putting up that easy breezy front is exhausting. It zaps all of one’s energy. I know many people like this, and almost all of them have a major physical ailment. They look terrible. They might not be talking, but their bodies are. Being bold and honest is a much easier way to live. Secrecy is far more difficult. It eats away at, and corrodes, everything. Being truthful indeed requires bravery and a certain level of confidence. I believe it’s chiefly those two things that make a life look easy. So the question really isn’t , “why is my life so easy?” but really, “what about the way you may be living is causing you such inner hardship?” Again, the easy or difficult energy originates from within. It has very little to do with externals. Beyonce matches her external gifts with an insane amount of inner strength and power. She is aligned. Alignment feels easy because it’s truth.

Although Beyoncé is a far more interesting subject than me, I suspect you’re here because I am somewhat of interest to you (thanks!!). I can tell you that I have always been a positive person who has made, or really tried, to make the best of things. This is due to my nature, innate composition, as well as it being a coping skill. Granted a productive coping skill, but a coping skill nonetheless. I have always found great joy in many things throughout my life, have always been a hard worker, and have always been one who loves to have fun. I’m not shy, feel comfortable in social situations, and have the gift of gab. I have really always found ways to enjoy my life. I adore being a mother, love to cook, laugh, write, and dance. However, anyone who thinks divorce is easy is ignorant. My difficult family history is well documented, especially by me on this platform. I have had a chronic auto immune disease since I’m 13. And those are just a couple of examples of really hard things. No life is without hardship. It’s how we deal with it that determines our aura and quality of life. I take keeping my vibration high very seriously. I fiercely believe in the powers of manifestation, which can only be done from an open space of presence and gratitude. I listen often to Abraham Hicks, one of the leading teachers on this. I listen, I process, and I practice. I falter then get back on the horse. By doing this I have learned to trust myself, my process, and particularly Source/God. When we know we are being held, life really is much easier. It’s like this set of magical training wheels that are permanently attached to the cycle of life. Believing this, and believing it more and more since I committed to the most actualized version of myself, has indeed led to increasing inner ease. This feeling of trust, ease, and surrender is what invites blessings into our lives. We have to be in a state of receptivity, which comes from knowing we deserve it. I did not always know I deserved it. It took decades to learn that, and to unlearn what was stopping me from believing it. It is so much easier to go with the flow of life now that I know that. The goal is never to live an easy life. That’s a recipe for failure because it’s impossible. The first of the four noble Buddhist truths is that life includes suffering. But when we meet our suffering with acceptance, radical honesty, trust, and are able to locate a small spark of joy amidst the rubble, then we have hit a sweet spot.
Oh, and laugh whenever you can. Laughter is easy.