Covid Rage

ARGH!!!! Allow me a covid rant. I. AM. SO. DARN. OVER. THIS. IT. IS. REALLY. ENOUGH.
I know this blog section is often uplifting, empowering, and inspiring (at least I hope so). But I would be inauthentic if I wasn’t honest about my human failings, foibles, feels, and frustrations. I’m beyond sick of this pandemic. It’s been almost a whole year!! How much more can we take?! Right now I have a covid test pending because I was exposed to a friend who wound up testing positive. The ensuing hysteria that took place in my home after I found this out was so stressful. My kids were all understandably flipping out, especially those who are on their school break right now. The domino effect that occurs after one learns that their mailman’s grandmother’s dog’s second cousin had symptoms is indescribably aggravating. One positive test result sends entire communities into tailspin’s. Kids are treated as if they are lepers, and parents are likened to dangerous criminals if their home is known to be the spreader site of origin. The contagious nature of the virus is so out of control. There has never been a greater lesson in the interdependent nature of humanity than this F ing pandemic. I cannot stand the chaos that follows in the aftermath of a positive test result. Life has to immediately stop, all is canceled. Blame, accusations, character assassination are included in the way families and friends talk to, and about, each other. Fear takes over every crevice and corner. I happen to be feeling fine right now, but the different ways the virus takes hold is a terrifying mystery. Some feel lousy for a couple days and get to stay home and watch Netflix. Others die. The virus has no rules. Don’t get me started on the vaccine wars: to take it or not to take it? It’s like we went from arguing about politics and the insane going’s on in Washington, to being divided on whether or not to take a brand new vaccine. I fear for the day where it will be mandatory for travel, concerts, and school attendance. I know so many who haven’t seen their families in a year, and who are really losing it. I admit to being a bit envious of this, since I can’t relate to feeling this way as a child. However, I’d lose my mind if I couldn’t see my own children or grandchildren. All the people tragically dying alone, whether from the virus or not. It’s just such a prolonged, unfair mess. I have single friends who live alone and are climbing the walls from loneliness, and another friend who hasn’t been able to breathe for months, having gotten corona many months ago. I’m sick of feeling like everybody is dangerous, and that everywhere outside my home is a giant Petri dish. I’m so sad about all the business’s that have closed, among them many iconic New York institutions. Le Pain Quotidien??? Century 21??? All the people who have lost all source of income, you can sense the despair. It’s palpable. My eyes are in actual pain from being over zoomed and over screened. People fear one another in whole new ways. My kids are bored, frustrated, and feel so cut off from their friends. I miss eating in restaurants, having a drink in a bar while listening to music, and leaving my house without wearing a paper muzzle. I feel terrible for anyone making a milestone event during this time. You can postpone a wedding, but not a baby’s birth or a bar mitzvah. Yes, we have gotten creative with joy, but we have also been so robbed of so much, namely actual lives. What was a temporary adjustment a year ago, has become a new life with no end in sight. I miss travel. I miss hugs. I miss high fives. I miss seeing people’s faces. I miss having my kids’ friends over without having to ask a million questions about each family’s stance on covid safety. I miss not having to judge other people who are reckless in their approach to the virus. I miss just being without having to always be on high alert. I miss having a lexicon that does not contain the word “quarantine”.
I miss.
I miss.
I miss.
I can’t wrap this one up in a bow. I just need to wallow. Sometimes we just need to allow things to suck and be what they are.