What a wonderful world

This post is definitely bringing the holiday cheese, but it’s truly how I’m feeling at this very moment. It’s Sunday night, and I’m coming off of a packed day with the kids. We haven’t been so out of the house in almost a year, and damn, it felt good. Normally this time of year is spent wrapping up our travel plans for winter break. This year is the first time where we will be home for the kids’ vacation. They’re understandably bummed about it. They have grueling dual curriculum schedules, can’t really hang with their friends, and can’t really go places. With the new strain of the virus now spreading in New York, I have increased stringencies. I truly feel for children across the world. Their craving for socializing is healthy and natural, and this pandemic has demanded so much from them. I am fine staying home this vacation. I attribute that largely to mindfulness practice, but also because home for me is a place to practice music and create via various mediums. It’s a place of enjoyment and expansion.  It’s also where I work out and take care of my body, relax, read, binge watch good tv, blog, and feel held in my space. I genuinely like being home. I love when my kids have zoom days; it’s been nice having them around. There were many years in which I recall very clearly not being this comfortable and fulfilled in my space. Those were hard times, and that is a very common feeling, especially among women. I also recall times where feeling trapped inside would have driven me insane, which points to me having needed to feel in control. When we feel stuck it is a direct invitation to investigate the origin of that. The answers are different for everyone. Presence and mindfulness practice have greatly enhanced my adaptability; I have become practiced in flipping my perspective, regulating my nervous system, and accepting what is directly in front of me.

Santosha is the Sanskrit word for contentment. In zen, the teaching is to be with what is, without drowning in the negative or positive emotions associated with the current experience. To feel all the feels without a strong attachment to them. Eckhart Tolle teaches presence in the way of asking if we are conjuring up past troubles or future worries; most often, a turbulent mind fogs up the okay ness of the present. Mooji would teach acceptance by emphasizing that we are not our personhood, but rather the limitless, unwavering essence that is entirely separate from the human body mind. Obviously I’m oversimplifying all of this, but learning this information over the years has no doubt strengthened my ability to be more present and flexible. There were many years where I’d have been complaining endlessly at not being able to take a winter vacation. I needed the predictability, something to look forward to, and the distraction of planning, packing, and worrying. I also recall feeling at one point a scary level of awareness about all that.  It was unsettling to realize that I needed a trip that badly. Why wasn’t I as satisfied being home? Yes, a change of scene and routine is important for obvious reasons. But I’m referring to a general feeling of discontentment that almost every woman (and man) I know struggles with, but that a tiny handful are willing to admit. Those that can admit this are my tribe. When we are out of alignment within ourselves, for whatever the reason, we are disconnected to our surroundings. Therefore, it’s not the trip one needs; it’s the escape. And that escape is extremely temporary. It’s a whole lot of money and planning spent not just on a vacation, but potentially on an illusion. Travel is incredible. I can’t wait to get back to it, believe me. But as my grandfather used to say, “it’s good to go away and it’s good to come back”. He was a Holocaust survivor who I’m sure loved every free day of his life. Home, away, it was all good. If we can’t be content in our own homes, beings, and lives, that’s a major sign that demands attention and a kind curiosity. It’s scary, it can open a Pandora’s box for a lot of people. But, exploring that can lead to very important shifts in living. The box stays closed, you coast. The box opens, you live. The choice is always there. 

Taking it back to the top, I had such a great day today. We spent it doing classic New York holiday activities, ones that we wouldn’t have done had I been in a packing frenzy. Ice skating at Rockefeller Center, walking around the new FAO Schwartz, and the spectacular Bronx Zoo holiday light exhibit. I felt warm and appreciative all day, and no plane or suitcase was needed. This isn’t revolutionary, but find me someone who doesn’t need reminders to enjoy and appreciate what’s right under their nose. I love New York. People from all over the world flock here during holiday season. We LIVE in one of the most famous vacation destinations on Earth. When Trump said during one of the presidential debates this year that New York “would never recover”, I was livid. What a horrible thing to say, as leader, to your citizens. That their beloved home, one of the prides of this country, is shot to shit. How disheartening, depressing, and discouraging. It was a terrible thing to say, and he was wrong (duh). All day today I thought, New York is still kicking ass and being a place where there is so much enjoyment to be found. I haven’t been to Rockefeller center in years, nor the Bronx Zoo. I’d certainly never been to the incredible light show. And it’s all right here as it’s always been. I just needed to shift my focus to finding joy in what’s already here. 
The music at the ice rink was great, so too at the light show. It was so festive and cheerful. Old fashioned enjoyment in a world that’s always reaching for more and more modern technology. The grasping never ends, but mindfulness really helps with that. “What a Wonderful World” was playing as my kids happily skated around. Kids need so much less than we think they do, and the same goes for healthy adults. Enjoying traditional holiday pastimes today was priceless and warm, and the lyrics touched me deeply. 

And I thought to myself, what a wonderful world indeed.