And so

And so She stayed home
And did yoga
And read
And meditated
And embraced stillness
And cooked nutritious foods for herself and her family
And called Her Ones, telling them she loves them
And appreciated nature
And took care of her body
And practiced her music

YADA YADA. These are things She does anyway on a regular basis. HOWEVER...
And so she embraced her curly hair
And let her nails be whatever
And googled recipes for matzoh pizza
And handed out custom cocktails of  vitamins for each child
And cleaned out neglected closets
And thanked herself for dropping the ball on her Denny’s camp appointment, since who  cares about matching Nike outfits right now  anyway?
And She fought even harder to find the stillness under the commotion, yet found it  every time.
And She cued up hundreds of songs that  had to be recovered on her laptop.
And She pushed Herself creatively, going full  steam ahead on all the ideas that have lived  within her for lifetimes.
And She felt awash with gratitude for her  zen practice, her teachers, and sangha.
And worried that despite this massive,  worldwide lesson, most humans will lapse  right back into their old ways and come to  forget this ever happened as soon as the airports reopen, herself included.
And She vowed to travel the world, even  alone if need be, after having been denied  access to anywhere beyond her house.

And She felt guilty about being amongst the fortunate in this upheaval.
And She felt so excited about her future.
And She emailed RZA from the Wu-Tang  Clan, because you never F ing know.
And She enjoyed every second of this  season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and  wondered if she could ever be attracted to  Larry David (no). 
And She reread old emails from people,  some of whom are dead.
And She realized what in her life still needs  to be released, since now more than ever is  the time for editing.

And She knows it’s not that easy, even  though it is that simple.
And She thought about her life in terms of  before and after certain people and events,  not just Corona.
And She realized she’d trade none of it, even  the most painful parts.
And She thought about those who she  doesn’t know if she’ll ever speak to or see  again, for various reasons, and what that  means for her.

And She pondered about the punctuation  used in this post, since punctuation is a bit  of an obsession for her and she doesn’t  think she got it right.

And She questioned how if this lifetime will  be enough time to give what she needs to.  Because she is fairly clear on that, and it’s a  lot.

And She realized that the more she goes  inward, the more capable she is of going  outward. And that is why the journey inward  matters so much and is infinite.
And She realized that to waste a moment of  life on nonsense is truly a crime. But that it’ll  happen anyway (though hopefully less).

And She frantically searched up which Starbucks near her is open, because all this zen stuff goes out the window if she can’t have her iced skim latte.

And She understood that she should  ultimately die, whenever that is, having  been “completely used up”. A friend said  this recently and it felt right, as far as    squeezing every bit of herself, and wringing  out all the juice.

And She thought about her funeral, and her  death, and how blessed she is to have a list  of people who she shares hearts with. And  she began to write out her end of life  instructions, as part of her final zen project,  realizing the delicious serenity in this  exercise.

And she felt conflicted about her reaction to  her kids not wanting her to start her own Tik  Tok account, because she knows moms are  inherently embarrassing but isn’t she one of  the cool ones that can actually dance?

And She still acted like an idiot who lacks  perspective, because that’s what humans  do; we skip back and forth between  knowing and not knowing. Between truth  and illusion. Riding out the waves of an ever  present duality that is there to show us the  way home, again and again.

And She just Is. Because She just Was. And all that Is right now will very soon morph into Was too. And all that Will Be will have that trajectory as well; from Will Be to Is to Was. It all becomes Was.

It’s all changing. It’s all fleeting. Much of what we thought we knew is no longer fact. We are being forced to absorb this. Only the truth remains. You know what that means.

She loved writing this one.
She appreciates You for reading it.