Happy New Year 🎆

There’s a scene in the movie “Shakespeare in Love” that has always stuck with me. I must have seen that film about 20 years ago when it came out in the theaters. Theaters were large buildings with rows of seats that movie goers would sit upright in while watching said movie from a giant screen. Those were good times...         

The aforementioned scene that impacted my adolescent brain was as follows; Lady Gwyneth Paltrow, pre Goop, was being woken up by her handmaiden, whose verbal alarm clock said, “wake up, my Lady, it is a new day”. G Pal breathlessly opened her door, after realizing how in love she and young Shakespeare were, and proclaimed , “It is a new world!”. She had been living a stifled, restrictive life and was slated to marry an aristocrat she didn’t love. This new connective energy she felt instantly renewed her love and vigor for life. Everything was now new, lush, exciting, and fraught with possibility. I loved how that concise sentence said everything. How wonderful it is to feel truly in love with life, and how dreadful it is to not. Most people will go through life experiencing both feelings, whether they know it or not (or are willing to admit it). This is a good thing. Only in this duality can we cross over from the flat to the full, from the bleak to the joy. Night to dawn, wounding to healing.

I thought about this a lot on my recent trip to El Salvador. I went for the wedding of two friends from Scratch Academy, my DJ school, Kate and Raul. Raul’s family lives there. I had never gone to a destination wedding before, nor have I ever been to El Salvador. I had also never attended a non Jewish wedding or a baptism (they baptized their daughter after the wedding ceremony). I initially planned on going with a friend. I’ve traveled quite a bit on my own and it was starting to feel a bit lonely. That friend couldn’t make it so I asked several other peeps. Nothing worked out, which was strange since it was only a few days and pretty cheap. At a certain point it really felt like a message that I was supposed to go alone. I’m a pretty powerful  manifester, and this just wasn’t working out. When things don’t work out there’s always a reason. Always. As soon as I made the mental shift from insisting on going with someone to not, I instantly felt a surge of excitement. If there was a message then I was going to receive it and roll with it. I had the time of my life. What’s great about a destination event is that everyone is there for the same happy purpose, so all these strangers become instantly united. It’s like the first day of camp (if you hated camp, this reference will not land properly ).

Traveling myself was the perfect combo in this situation because I was with this large group of lovely, fun people yet I had a lot of quiet, reflective time. I need that very much, that solitary recharge. I hate being “on” all the time, so after a fun day of a group activity, I was able to marinate in myself. It was deliciously contemplative. I’ve never been more connected to myself than I am now. This is after very deliberate, sometimes painful work that I do daily through several mediums (which I blog about). Being this whole made my time with Me so lovely. I didn’t feel lonely for a minute, even though mostly all the other guests were part of a couple. That would have been an agonizing focus of mine prior. This time I barely noticed it. It was a simple observation that I didn’t apply emotion to. That’s the goal of meditation and awareness btw; to observe with no emotion or judgement. It’s an incredible feeling to organically do that. It, like nothing else true, can be forced. Trying doesn’t allow for it, though we can’t get anywhere without effort, consistency, and determination. It’s a subtle yet important distinction. It felt like a new world indeed; a world in which I’m peacefully intact. The holes are filling. This doesn’t mean everything in life is perfect. It’s unrelated to that. What it means is that we are stable, adaptable, and full in a way that external circumstances don’t affect us as much.  There are always reasons to crumble, we just don’t anymore. We are stronger and thereby able to withstand even the most painful, aggravating curveballs. Nothing outside gives us or takes away our peace. The lack is less internally, and so the outside world is so much more enjoyable and enriching.

El Salvador is a very poor country, but driving through the streets I barely noticed the crumbling buildings. I was focused on how brightly painted the cinder block homes were, peeling paint notwithstanding. I was drawn to the beautiful vegetation and flowers that juxtaposed with barbed wire. I loved the neon colored beach tubes strung up on the side of the dusty roads en route to the ocean. The young children selling fruit and trinkets made me smile, despite the fact that many of them didn’t wear shoes. The locals didn’t have much but they were warm and smiling. There was so much life being enjoyed amongst the poor conditions. It’s always how we choose to see things. Some people need very little to smile, while others have so much and it’s just never enough. I loved doing local activities and getting a real feel for where I was. I always hated traveling somewhere and mostly staying in the hotel. I don’t see the point to that at all. I’m fortunate to have a beautiful house; when I travel I don’t really care where I stay as long as I get an authentic experience. There’s nothing like seeing a new place with locals, and the Hidalgo clan was huge, warm, and so hospitable. I loved meeting all the family and friends who were so happy to be there. Destination affairs are great in that anyone in attendance really wanted to have been there. You don’t get any of the guests who are doing you a big freaking favor by gracing you with their attendance at your party. I once told Kate how grateful I am that Scratch gave me a whole new life. It brought so many of my needs into reality. She said, “Yo, Scratch gave me my family!” It’s where she met Raul, and now they’re married with the most beautiful baby girl. As I sat on the group bus driving through the streets, I was overcome with a deep sense of understanding that this was exactly where I belonged at that moment. On that bus, in that country, with those people for this reason. It’s breathtaking to feel so utterly in the right place at the right time. It makes you feel so encased in guidance. It allows for stillness because nothing needs to be done, fixed, or changed. I wouldn’t have had time to reflect like that had I been traveling with someone. None of this would ever have happened for me until fairly recently. The traveling, the newness, the eyes wide open feeling that is unlike any other sensation in existence, the new people who have so much to share, be it laughs or viewpoints. The relief at loving my solitude for the right reasons. How good it feels to share space with myself, and to smile all the time for no reason and for every reason. Wanderlust must become wanderlove. The people I know who travel the most can afford it the least. They make it work, because seeing new things and being in new places is one of the best parts of being alive as human beings. You don’t see cows and plants lining up at baggage claim. How lucky are we to be in these forms that give us such mobility? Travel all comes from incentive. It’s not about energy or money or time. When there’s a will there’s a way. It’s so much easier than we make it out to be. For years I made excuses about so many things and I hated that, but I didn’t know how to stop. I finally stopped making excuses about DJing, and it led me to El Salvador for the best reason in the world. It is very much a new year. It is very much a new world. Already infatuated with 2019.