More or Less

One of my new life goals is to “do more with less”. I saw this quote on IG a few months ago and loved it. I wanted to commit to this idea. As I’ve carefully scrutinized the relationship between needing to obsessively acquire material things to trick yourself into feeling satisfied, I have become increasingly protective of my inner peace. Meaning, I am at the place where I will fiercely guard the purity of my mental, spiritual, and emotional state. Emotional states are the most interesting of the bunch; sometimes we just need to release our emotions into the Wild West, let them go bonkers, then wait for them to return home for dinner. Emotions are like wayward children with wild streaks ; they just need to air themselves out occasionally. Which means that I have learned to “guard” my feelings by doing the opposite: un-guarding them. This gives me the freedom to feel whatever is needed to be felt with no self judgement or restraint. That alone is major.         

I’m writing this right now on a beach in Tel Aviv. This is the fourth summer in a row I’ve come here, the first time I’m not alone, the first time I’m not in a fancy hotel, and the first time I flew economy (I know; break out the tears and violins). It is also the first time I’m truly at peace and having this much fun. I am traveling with three friends. We range in age from 24 to 40. We are three chicks and one guy. Some of us met here in the Air BNB, while others have known each other for over ten years. All of us are fun, easy going, kind, and intelligent. We are all independent yet function beautifully as a group. I’m the only Jew amongst Italians; another first for me.

Um, newsflash: this is an irrelevant fact I almost didn’t remember to include here. It’s just been a noteworthy part of my personal trajectory.

We are sharing laughs, conversation, clothing, food, toothpaste, and one key. We are hanging wet laundry on a clothesline on our sun drenched porch. This I particularly love, for no other reason than it just feels good and simple to have the sun warm what I’m putting on my body. One of the girls and I are sharing a bed. I like being physically close to people, so I’m cool with that. In high school nine of us would pile in a bed at the end of some silly, teenage night. Those are some of my fondest memories. I’ve always been a homie like that. It’s just fun. It feels communal, close, and connective. It’s amazing how we can over complicate things to the point where we ruin our own experiences. Details can destroy the essence of the moment.  We easily suffocate situations before they are given a chance to take the first breath. As I was telling my new friend Olivia about my background, I said that coming to Tel Aviv every year has been like marking off my height on a wall. These trips have very clearly symbolized major leaps in growth. She loved that analogy, and so did I. It was the first time I’d thought of my life in those terms. It was an interesting comparison.

I was here in November too, and I am amazed at the shit I put up with then while I was here. People, scenarios, and situations that I allowed into my life just a few months ago. Things I wouldn’t entertain for a nanosecond today. I’ve learned so much about how to safeguard myself. What I need and want out of life, how to show up for myself, and what that includes and will absolutely not include. I did not learn these things in my 20’s so I’m learning them now. Education has no time line or time limit. Every lesson feels good. What I’m contemplating right now is the definition of “more vs less”, the basis for this post. When I read that quote on IG, I obviously knew it was a money based idea. I liked it: spend less and need less, but live more. Collect experiences and not things. Life can be enjoyed “with less”. Ok, sure I want that. I can do it. But as I woke up today in an empty apartment (Olivia and James went to Petra, and Federica had already hit the beach), taking my time getting up and gathering my hot towels and bikini off the porch, I was struck with how the typical definitions of “more” and “less” are so inaccurate. It made me chuckle in its “duh” clarity. I had been defining those words incorrectly for so long now, along with most of the world. As I always say, it feels good to be wrong.

On my one block walk to the beach I thought, I am not in a high end hotel but I’m really enjoying sharing this experience with my friends. I have less obvious amenities but am having more fun. I have less maid service but am gaining more enjoyment from having that not matter. I have less privacy but more good company. I have less loneliness and more love. I have less deafening silence and more laughter. I have less self imposed pressure to entertain myself and more fun plans with excellent humans. I have less strategizing about how to spend my time and more ease. I had way less room on the airplane but more satisfaction in not giving a shit. I had less luggage and more simplicity. You get the idea, and so do I. Less confusion and more clarity. Less unrest and more peace. Making more good decisions means having to justify the bad ones less.  One of the truths we all claim to know but don’t put into practice,  is that often the people with the “most” have the “least”, because there’s just not enough superficial stuff in the world to fill any kind of inner void. It’s a bottomless need. A hole in a heart will never be properly soothed that way.

Honestly, more things lead to more problems. Think of how all one needs to cement a beautiful memory into permanence is laughter. Right? You’ll always remember that time you and a friend laughed until you peed. You’ll probably forget which designer made those sunglasses though. Your heart is busy, Man. It keeps you alive. It’s more selective than the mind. It’s the last thing to go when we die. It can’t be fooled. The heart knows what it needs to hold onto to feel fulfilled and genuinely happy. While the head is frantically trying to justify spending on the fanciest suite in the hotel (proof of a seemingly successful trip), the heart is content hanging itself on the simplicity of the outdoor clothesline. Sharing experiences with quality people always feels yummy. I love being by myself too, but I’ve done that for a very long time. It’s losing its appeal. I’m good at it since I’ve had no choice. It is a skill I’ve honed since childhood. I’m proud to be a fully functioning woman. However lately I need less proof of that, which is slowly leading me to more... And that knowledge is enough for me right now. No more, no less. No competition amongst words and their meanings. No tug of war. When you know you’re right the need to prove others wrong evaporates. When you feel truly full your hunger wanes. When your travels take you to the right places you are home.