The Power of Neosporin

 Isn’t it impactful when seemingly unimportant instances turn into lessons? When the mundane ascends to metaphor? A few weeks ago I got this deep, nasty cut on my right thumb. It bled like crazy, and it was a giant pain in the ass. After all, what’s a blogger to do without her typing thumb? I put on several bandaids to stop the bleeding, but I otherwise ignored it. I didn’t want to focus on the negative so as not to expand it. My thumb really hurt and the bleeding lasted a couple days. I really didn’t want to go to a doctor to see if it needed stitching up; mothers don’t have time for that. We are so busy taking care of the rest of the household, so unless we are bleeding to death we will probably neglect ourselves (old story).

Getting myself looked at was just another thing to do that I didn’t have time for. So I left it alone. Spoiler alert: it did not get better. My thumb on day three was a shriveled, white mess. Lack of care, lack of air. I couldn’t air it out since the wound was too deep. There was still throbbing but I guess I got used to it, and I learned how to text and deftly apply makeup, thereby working around it. Such a mom thing, right? Working around it. Incorporating new, crappy facts and powering forward. But on day five I figured I might as well put on some Neosporin. There was a significant improvement overnight. The cut was almost closed up, and I was shocked at the difference. I stared at my thumb for awhile and thought about how badly we want to heal. How ready we are to get better. We just need and crave the help. From the mind that makes a joke during shiva as a coping skill,  to the flesh that cries out for over the counter antibiotic ointment, every part of us, when given proper care and attention, will begin to improve. I kept thinking how quickly my thumb responded to such a minor tweak. If only I had done that sooner, I’d have avoided extra pain and discomfort. This metaphor blew me away.

So many people have been asking me lately how I launched myself into this new chapter, leaving behind a lot of pain and discomfort in the greater sense. The question here is almost more important than the answer, because anyone asking is hungry for change. The need to make radical shifts in our lives creates a deep, raw hole. Those acknowledging their holes are ready to pick up the shovel, even if they aren’t fully aware of that. In the Passover Seder we speak of the Four Sons. The youngest son doesn’t even know how to or what to ask about the story of the Exodus, because he’s too ignorant to formulate the questions. Therefore, if you’re baseline asking, that’s a really good sign. The key is to honor your question, and not to ignore it thinking it will just go away, like I did initially with my cut. Most things don’t heal entirely on their own. They require attention, love, compassion, gentleness, and awareness. The Neosporin was right there in my medicine cabinet. Healing was available to me had I sought it out. Once I did seek it, my thumb was repaired. It’s astounding how as a survival tactic, we accept lousy circumstances. Our minds shut down and life can take on a robotic quality. It’s scary and daunting to shake things up. Eventually we can lose the unhappiness that comes attached to that, and life just feels like this numb routine. I used to wonder “is this it?”

Many of my friends have expressed the same thing lately. If you’re asking that’s a direct sign you want more, and that there’s a tiny seed inside you fighting to grow against complacency. I don’t have all the answers. I can be an ear and a shoulder, but I know what worked for me. We all want someone else to make it okay for us, to soothe us and hand us the instruction manual. But as only we can know what’s going on in our heads, only we can provide the answers. I’m very grateful in that I have always known I wanted to write and live through music. But until I shakily called Scratch DJ Academy and started the blog, I had no idea I’d ever make something of myself in either of those areas. They felt like lofty, impractical goals. I didn’t realize they were necessary to become my lifelines. Yoga and meditation continue to peel back layers and reaffirm my purpose. No one will argue against meditation in that sense. I believe it’s the key to life. We can’t possibly live a life detached from our inner selves. Who cares if it’s hard to sit still at first? It’s a lot harder to feel adrift and lost. I love how people will say that drinking is an acquired taste. They’ll drink carbonated piss and beverages tasting like nail polish remover just to feel the fun affects of drinking. I get it, it’s worth it to achieve the release.

Same thing with disciplined spiritual work; it’s not the easiest thing to carve out the uncomfortable time to do it. But the payoff is tremendous, and there’s no hangover. Honestly, what really began my life changes was a book I read. Lust and Wonder by Augusten Burroughs. Get this book today. Absorb it and find a way to apply it to your own life. I read it at a very delicate crossroads in my life. It was either fall off the cliff or soar. I was being hurled into the atmosphere either way, and this book taught me how to land the proper way. I was so moved by the book that I was terrified to finish it. I didn’t know how I’d exist without it. I actually emailed the agent/ husband of the author, feeling a burning need to connect. Burroughs himself is too famous, I didn’t think he’d answer me, so I went with his husband and longtime agent Christopher Schelling. It was easy; I just googled his contact info and took a chance. I was ok with not hearing a response. It felt good just to shoot my arrow.  But he answered me!!!! When I saw his name pop up on my emails I burst into this flood of tears. It meant everything at that time to make contact with these strangers, whose story, though wildly different from mine, resonated with me. Take risks, reach out, reach in. Try different things that will make you truly happy, because these little spurts of joy are what fixes us. Once we raise our emotional vibration by taking action, that alone invites more joy.  Not superficial, bullshit, phony happiness. The real deal. Only you will know when it’s real. It’s not your right to be happy, it’s your responsibility. We are responsible for our own energy, and our own contribution. We can’t give what we ourselves lack. We aren’t good parents, good partners, good friends, or good citizens if we are operating on an empty tank. Community service done by the most miserable wretch in the neighborhood, the one talking shit about everyone else, isn’t really spreading much good. Vibration doesn’t lie because it doesn’t need to. I’m training myself to do this when I’m in a bad place: I immediately (or promise myself when it’s logistically accessible) throw myself into something I love. DJ practice, writing, cooking, a yoga class. Even if I’m not in the mood because my ego wants to wallow in anger or self pity, I force myself. It’s beautiful how fast we will cling to joy as soon as it’s in front of us. We want it so much. So find the things that hit that sweet spot for you, and please read Lust and Wonder. Start somewhere, and I promise you’ll end everywhere you need to be. Healing properties are really all around us. We just need to get off our butts and take what we need out of the medicine cabinet. Be proud of the desire to fix your life, pat yourself on the back for asking questions. Only in the space of the inquiry lives the answer.