Tree Pose

I’m going through a tough time now, and I need to call upon all the ideas that I’ve been prattling on about to you since the blog began. Ideas about acceptance, editing, being at peace with the now, breathing through hardships, protecting our energy, raising and sustaining vibrations. You know, all the good stuff. This is a time I need to follow my own advice, or my mind will go off the rails.

I was presented with an emotionally challenging scenario, that went from one extreme to the other in a few short weeks. Something I’ve wanted for a very long time seemed finally within my reach, however ultimately was unattainable at this time. I have been furiously working to clear space in my mind, body, and spirit, so I thought the Law of Attraction was thinking, "Ah! She’s ready!”.

Since my DJ gig a few weeks ago, if you’ve read that post, it’s clear how my level of trust in the universe has increased tremendously.  So I trusted that the universe, in all its wisdom and love for me (for all of us), was sending me what I’ve been manifesting for so long.  Trust is always rewarded, and I’m a good girl, right?  Read into that as much as you’d like. As hard as it is to accept that the outcome of this situation is not what I hoped for, I have indeed learned a lot from it.  But I had to claw my mind out of a pile of shrapnel to reach these healthy, appreciative thoughts. 

My mediation lately has been of me being symbolized by a bright pink cherry blossom tree.  My gig came on the first nice day of the season.  We here in the tri state area have been waiting for things to bloom.  So a couple days before the job, when I was practicing my ass off, I saw a gorgeous cherry blossom in the middle of Manhattan, and I thought,  "ok, this tree is you. This is your time. Roll into your season. Nature waits for no one.” So I’m represented by this tree right? Obvious symbolism.

At first during meditation the tree stood alone. I clung to the cleanliness of that image. Then I meditated on sitting naked and content in a carved out hole in the trunk, patiently waiting for whoever is meant for me to come get me. I’m calm and peaceful sitting in the trunk, because the tree is Myself.  Therefore, I’m at a place where I’m at peace in my increased alignment.  I feel proud of this.  You can’t force meditative images, they come to you naturally when you’re zoned out. It clicks in my heart that this is what I’m picturing.  Now, since reeling from the cards I was dealt recently, my image is of me lying peacefully on cool, refreshing mossy grass at the base of my tree.  I’m resting.  I’m waiting.  I’m content with entering a state of just being. I’m always near my tree because we are one. A strong, beautiful trunk that sprouts vibrant flowers.  I’m always nude in these images, because I’m comfortable with emotional exposure.  This too indicates a level of trust.  Always having to force things in my life must stop.  I don’t need to resort to that anymore.  It’s coming, it’s all coming, and I know it.  So I can rest now.  The work never stops, and our monkey minds will always try to hop around frenetically.  The ego will always try to trip us up and convince us that things are terrible because they didn’t work out the way WE wanted (who are we to script things for others??? We don’t like it when they do it to us.) Taming the mind is a constant process.  And so is letting go.  Letting go of expectations and predictions.  Letting go of any notion of permanence.  Relaxing into the fact that energy is always changing.  Hopes and dreams are vital.  Manifestation  works.

I grapple with the difference between those things and expectations.  But I think it’s that expectation is attached to control, so we go crazy when we lose it.  We really suffer when we expect, but we flourish when we hope and dream.  If I exist under the umbrella of Trust, then I can finally lay down my head with a smile on my face.  And who doesn’t love that feeling?  Call it a spiritual hammock.  Even the shitty things in my life have given me tremendous growth.  I either recognize that or I go crazy.  The choice is mine.  I choose to rest.  I love you very much. That’s not bullshit.  When I write I feel open and mushy, and I’m flooded with warmth.  Writing makes me feel good, so I can tap into emotional generosity.  It’s not shtick when I tell you I love you.  Take that and turn it into whatever you need.  Verbal generosity helps me function.  I erode when I can’t share.  If you love someone, don’t wait to tell them.  There’s no point.  It will be so heavy on your heart to strap that feeling down.  Give yourself a gift by being open, in whatever way feels right to you. You’ll never regret operating from a place of love. Risk involved?  Sure.  The greater risk is stifling yourself.  Remember, you are nature. I challenge you to look around, find an image in nature that you identify with, and use that to symbolize yourself. Hold onto that image, and follow its changes. Barren, dry, cracked, brittle, blossoming, it’s all part of you. Change, fluidity, breaking down and rebuilding. Rooting to rise.  Every damn day, rooting to rise.