Sometimes

Sometimes he will let look at me and think, “Of course. There she is.” Other times my existence will shock him. Sometimes I’ll drive him crazy in a good way, sometimes in a not so good way. But always driving him somewhere. Some days he will tell me what he’d like to eat, sometimes he will want to be surprised and trust me to fill him up. But always hungry for my offering. Sometimes he will crave my voice, while other times my silence will be golden. But always speaking each other’s language. Sometimes we will be on the same page, but not necessarily, as we write our story. This story won’t have an ending; it will only have beginnings. 

Sometimes he will prefer me without makeup, and sometimes he will be so proud to be with the glammed up prom queen. Always will he feel like the luckiest guy in the room. Always he will be right. Sometimes I will laugh with him. Other times at him. But always laughter, belly aching, pee leaking, snort inducing laughter. Sometimes we will fall asleep together exhausted from the very nature of the day. Sometimes we will crash, breathless and intertwined, from the very nature of what it means to be two people insanely attracted to each other. But always in joined restfulness. Never will we need Ambien; the peace of being together will sing us to sleep.

Sometimes I’ll be completely still. Sometimes I’ll dance like a maniac. Always will my different rhythms delight him. Sometimes I might be a bit of a snarky bitch. Other times I will be a gooey pile of mush. He will want to taste both flavors, knowing the snark is temporary while the goo is really my center. Sometimes he will go out with his friends, and sometimes I’ll go out with mine. Always will we wait for each other to close out the night so as to begin the next day as a pair. 

Sometimes we will be the sun, and sometimes the moon. Both are necessary to illuminate. Sometimes we might require personal space. Always will we understand that need. Never will we take it personally. Never will we be attached; always will we be connected. Sometimes one or both of us will feel sad, lost, and adrift. Always will we be each other’s anchor, even if we aren’t our strongest. Sometimes that means saying, “my life raft has a large hole, but hop on and I’ll carry you to safety anyway”. Sometimes life will make sense, usually it won’t. But never will that really matter, since we will just be happy to be experiencing whatever this is together. Sometimes I panic I’ll be alone forever. Most of the time I have trust in what I do not know and cannot see. Always is the uncertainty of this human deeply exciting. Often I feel I’m in control, but always am I really not.

Always does the Universe have my back. Sometimes I freak the F out, and always do I have the love and support of the most loving group of people. Always do they lift me up while sometimes I am the camp counselor, leading the pack and organizing the troops. Never will he be possessive. Always will he love my capacity to give and receive love, like a leaky faucet no plumber would dare want to fix. Sometimes we will jump off a cliff into the unknown. Always will we land hand in hand. Sometimes we will be awash with grief over the usual stuff humans grieve over. Always we will want to comfort the other unconditionally. Always will we be invaluable to the other, never will we make the other pay for kindness and affection. Never will we take each other for granted. Always will we appreciate that every step led us down this path towards each other. Never will we regret or question choosing each other. Always will we know all the reasons why we did.

Always will we want to see the world and learn. Never will we get bored of the lessons. Always will we aim to discover new ways to make the other smile. There is no such thing as too many smiles from the one you love. Sometimes will we take each other’s breath away, while always helping the other to breathe easier. Always will we stretch and grow, never will we clench and shrink. Sometimes I manifest, while other times I try to rid myself of any preconceived notions and just wait like a good girl. Always do I know this will be epic. Never will I settle.  Sometimes I wonder if this person has the very same thoughts and questions about me, while never having met me yet... Sometimes will eventually become Always.