Uncovering Hair

Thinking pink! The bright, neon color of this party dress is cause for celebration 👛🌂👑. A smooth, bold, clean burst of fun girlishness. I bought it a couple years ago and never wore it, since as I've mentioned in other posts, pink is definitely not my go to. However, just like I sometimes crave a gloomy, cloudy day, it's also occasionally nice to to be awash in a bright pop of energetic color.

I adore these shoes; they look like a watercolor painting. Giuseppe Zanotti shoes are more comfortable for me than most other heels. It's easier to be in a party mood when you don't feel the need to amputate your feet. There's actually never a party I don't bring sneakers or flip flops to. I love to dance, and just can't do it in heels. I always have a diaper bag of sneakers and socks to change into, even if it's a black tie event. Treating your feet well and enjoying the rhythm of your body is cause enough for celebration. Every woman groans in envy, and I always think; at what point did it become mandatory for women to have to balance on foot long needles in order to look good?? Don't get me started on laser hair removal, which I'm convinced was started by Dr. Mengele during his wild experimental days during the Holocaust. I mean, I do it, but there's no question it should have been a medieval torture tactic. Sigh; chicks, Man. Still, I'd rather be a girl and have methods and tricks for how to look nice. Men just get to change their ties and socks 👔,and no one really cares. I seriously always felt bad if a guy had rings under his eyes, a zit, or a gut, and it's deemed socially unacceptable for them to do something about it.

Everyone should have the gift of illusion. When I'm not loving what I see in the mirror, it calls for some other kind of smoke and mirrors. Up to the situation on my head. This is one of my all time fave accessories, duh. It's a straw headband from Magnetic Midnight. I had to own this, for obvious reasons! Bright, beautiful, and super bold; this creation belonged on my head. It fulfilled the fantasy I didn't know I had, of auditioning for "The King And I ". Or, attending Carnival in Rio. This piece is so fun and majestic.

The mood has got to match it; no sourpuss vibes here, or you'd look ridiculous. When I was married, I wore this to "cover my hair" at the Western Wall once. The point of this is to achieve modesty and symbolize your married status. Um... You wanna take this one or should I? Me? Ok, fine.

First, there is clearly nothing modest about this piece, which is why I like it. It screams "LOOK AT ME NOW OR ELSE‼️". So often, all these tulle, feathery concoctions that have landed on the heads of women in synagogue are the opposite of modest and demure. Believe me, I don't care, it's just an interesting social commentary...

Second, I am not married anymore. Which I guess means that when I now wear this, perhaps it symbolizes divorce? Wouldn't that be funny, if all divorced women all of a sudden were issued specific outfit instructions? I never understood why in synagogue, that a tiny doily folded into eighths pinned to the back of a head, should mean a lady is in the married club. It's kinda mean, if you think about it from another perspective of "if he liked it than he should've put a ring on it"💍👒.

What if someone never met the right guy and was still single in middle age, and therefore not only doesn't have a husband but also no children? Or if a woman was just abandoned by her husband. Or widowed and therefore unattached. The need for so many lines drawn and all these categories can feel insensitive. I'm perfectly comfortable showing up to Shul with my bare head, and I'll keep wearing an accessory if I want to for no other reason than I like it. Having something on my head for an hour a week didn't make me feel more married, just like not having something makes me feel divorced. It's all a state of being in your head and heart. Yes, religion has many rules that I'm not changing, or looking to change. But that doesn't mean we can't observe and discuss.

It isn't fair that a woman's personal business is on display for the whole congregation to witness and evaluate. People have pain and complications in their lives. A place of worship is meant to be a house of solace and comfort. I imagine it's very difficult for some people to show up and feel so exposed and visible. Prayer is a highly private endeavor. I know many married women who don't seem happy. A hat doesn't cover that up. Just like there are single women who are perfectly comfortable with their lives. Being single or divorced in the orthodox community has such a condescending, terrible stigma. It's undeserved. It does not mean we are broken people. It does not mean our children will be messed up. In fact, I'm certain that my kids are wonderful, kind, and well adjusted. My not wearing a doily doesn't change the fact that they have two loving, devoted parents who are working together to raise them well.  The goal of Jewish adulthood is to get married and have children. Reproduction to contribute to the population. Otherwise known as "family".  I said "family" I didn't say "partnership"....

What happens after synagogue when the fascinator comes off? It's seems like it's an illusion of security, which is dangerous. Covering up is a very slippery slope for humans. Little acts of external covering most likely leads to internal closing up as well. In high school, I wasn't allowed to take a final exam because it was 95 degrees outside so I didn't wear socks, therefore exposing my ankles. I assumed my floor length skirt would be sufficient, but alas it was not. I just can't see how this could be healthy; to transmit to anyone that the sight of an ankle is a bad, problematic thing. Didn't God give us those ankles? They're not sexual, they're actually bumpy and the bones protrude. Listen, I'm not saying buck the system. Places are entitled to their own ways of doing things. If a synagogue has rules, and we elect to attend, we must respect our environment. That being said, we must also wake up and be aware of what we are doing and why. If people center their lives around religion and don't give it much thought other than robotic movements, then what's the point? It can't enrich our lives that way. The more we connect to our actions, the more they'll resonate in our hearts. But there should be an increased level of sensitivity as far as the whole head covering.

Chicks shouldn't be singled out for being single.

Nothing good comes of that. It poisons the well of thinking in our daughters. The goal isn't a headband. The goal is love, truth, and contribution. Married or not, everyone can add to that intention. Even as a child, I was always the vocal one sticking up for my friends. Yapping on about schoolyard injustice. I write this not for myself. I'm very content with my station on life, and my ex and I indeed have a solid partnership that has been poured into the foundations of our lives. I say this because no one should ever walk into a Shul and feel unworthy, unwanted, and subpar. Bottom line, I love this freaking headpiece. I will wear it alone. I will wear it married. It covers nothing, nor would I want it to. It sits on top of a head that is filled with thoughts, questions, and ideas. Ain't nothing to hide about that.