Learning to Fly

This is a post I never thought I'd write. Ever. Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song...

I recently took my first post divorce trip. I decided to go to Israel for several reasons; I speak Hebrew, have friends and family who live there, and feel very comfortable and safe since I've been there many times. I have a whole world of places to explore (so exciting!) ,but so far there is no other place where I feel this happy and alive. I've been visiting Israel since I'm 8 years old, but this invigorating attachment towards it began three years ago. I wonder if it's possible to feel so fully charged and blissful in the places we actually live in... It's such a shame we don't.

I took this trip alone. My smile was plastered wide on my face the moment I stepped onto the plane. Mind you, this was prior to my knocking back an Ambien, 10 mg of melatonin, and 3 Dramamine 😜💊💃🏼, but still, I was one happy Lady. I I love that I can go places alone and fully enjoy myself. All I needed was my music, a book, and wide eyes to observe my surroundings. I'm in a place where my spirit, mind, and heart are open, which allows me to soak in everything around me to my core. It's an intense and gratifying feeling when we feed off the energy of a new atmosphere. Strangers aren't strange. New isn't unfamiliar. Differences are learning opportunities. Engaging all our senses to become one with where we are is wonderful. Tasting new foods. Watching and listening to other people. Shaking their hands and hugging them. Inhaling different scents. Understanding how much we have in common underneath it all. Being in awe of the beautiful, varied tapestry of humankind. Realizing how much more we must learn about each other, and how blessed we to have the capacity to do so. No matter how far we can travel, we are never finished discovering. Geographical exploration, like self exploration, is infinitesimal. It's never over. How scary would it be if it was?? Imagine if one day you woke up and realized you had nothing more to see, nowhere else to go, no more to unearth about yourself. Sounds bleak, right? When nothing else is new, then everything is old. We keep going forwards or backwards. Life is fresh or stale. We are either growing or remaining stagnant. There's no third option.

This trip was monumental for me. I'm going to write about it incrementally; one post won't do it justice. I want to now share with you the most impactful part of this trip, which has also been one of the most impactful events of my entire life. This story is about the Power of New (alternate excellent post title).  As I've mentioned before, I have a crippling phobia of heights. I do not recall having this fear as a kid. I skied (which included using the chair lift) relaxed on balconies, rode horses, slid down slides at amusement parks. I was never a daredevil by any means, but I didn't hold myself back from most enjoyable activities. I'm not exactly sure when my fear developed, but it has taken residence in my mind for decades now. Key word; "mind"...

I met a new friend in Israel, YM(R). We were introduced by a close mutual friend, and made plans to hang out. In talking and getting to know each other, I predictably rambled on about my aversion to heights. It's become part of my neurotic New York frightened Jewish repertoire. My cute shtick. It's as factual for me to discuss as it would be if I stated that I have a nose. Everyone has fears, right? This is mine.  Picture Fred Armisen as Joy Behar on SNL, saying, "so what, who cares??" YMR, I know you're reading this and won't understand it, but that's an American joke about Saturday Night Live.

I love meeting new people, and have never had difficulty opening up about myself. I probably like new people a lot better than I like most people I've known for a long time. Again, the Power of New. Good conversation while forging a connection to another person is medicinal. It's because humans are wired to connect. When we make those connections, we are aligned with our purpose. We are playing on the universal team of humanity. It just feels right. A few days later, this friend planned a surprise for me. I can't remember a time in my life when that's happened. New. I was definitely trepidatious but obviously intrigued. Mostly excited, a bit nervous. A normal combination of feelings.

NEVER DID I IMAGINE THAT THE SURPRISE WOULD BE A FUCKING PARAGLIDING LESSON.

Trying to argue out of it before

I arrived to my secret destination dressed for a boat ride, which was what my assumption was. I was wearing a bikini, layered necklaces, and a ruffled linen crop top. I was not dressed for a suicide mission. If you know where Kamikaze pilots shop, please tell me so I'm prepared next time. New.

My heart at once both dropped and rose in my throat as my "Beyoncé on a boat in St Tropez" fantasy quickly became death on a stick. I was pissed. I was so upset at being put in this position that I really, really did not want to be in. I did not want to feel anger towards this incredibly thoughtful person, who went to all this trouble to arrange something for me. I felt like such a dick refusing a gift, and I was honest about that. I said, "why would you force me to do something I don't like?" He reasonably responded that I never tried it so I don't know if I don't like it. That was irritating in its fairness. It sucks when you're on a rant about something, and someone makes a better point than you. When a helmet is involved, you want to win your argument. He was determined to help me overcome my fear,  to which I firmly insisted that I'm perfectly comfortable having fears. Not everyone is meant to do everything. We don't all like the same things. Different strokes, different folks right? Isn't that a thing?

He assured me that if I did this, I'd carry this lesson with me the rest of my life🙄, that I'd emerge from the situation a stronger, better, more evolved person. I lobbed back that I had zero interest in being miserable for the next 20 minutes. That I hadn't planned on shitting my shorts that day. That it would be pretty gross if I threw up on myself. That if God intended for people to fly, He'd have given us wings. That I refuse to ride a camel since I'm way too high up. My list went on.  People, Israeli stubbornness is alive and well. Absolutely nothing I said resonated. Even when I said, "why is nothing I'm saying resonating?" Americans talk, Israelis do. There lies a huge cultural difference that is based on a number of things. Israel is an active military country. It is a small country that is unfortunately, always under the threat of real danger. It is constantly under actual attack. There is no time for stupid bullshit. No time to be afraid. The people there are all taught trust and bravery from adolescence. The army is mandatory there, beginning in their late teens. They must trust their squad, they must trust their commander, they must trust their government. Kids there understand what it means to surrender to life and death situations. To literally place your life in the hands of another is a wild concept. People have trouble placing their lives in the hands of God, let alone another human being. They are so lucky that this lesson is embedded into their mentality. Most people spend so much time being suspicious of others. By learning to trust, they become, and remain, united. If you can trust people, you also will trust and welcome new experiences. Every Israeli I know has an everlasting, unshakeable bond with their army buddies. They are best friends and brothers for life. It's beautiful.

euphoric after

In yoga I love learning to trust the universe, to trust myself. That has gotten me through things I never thought I could survive. It is incredible what trust can do. It seems to heal and repair almost anything. This is what YMR was trying to teach me; to trust myself that I could get through this. That on the other side of this new experience, I'd discover a more courageous Jessie. One who already existed, but who buried herself with doubt,so she was sometimes hard to find. The Scared Jessie was so used to not seeing the Brave Jessie, so she forgot she existed. You know the outcome of this story. The two Zohan cast members I was dealing with (YMR and the paragliding instructor) basically harnessed and helmeted me kicking and screaming. I lifted up my knees as I was told. With the instructor on my back, I went up. And up and up and up. I did not cry or scream. Nor did I crap my pants or puke. Rather, I smiled. I laughed. I had a very nice conversation with the instructor about both our personal lives (only me). Granted, I couldn't look down, and I did not like the speed. About three minutes in I thought ,wow, he was right. I have no problem crediting others, and this guy sure deserved some. I was composed enough to give him the finger while he filmed me from below🖕🏼. He laughed, and I was surprised he could see it. It's amazing what we are capable of seeing in other people.

He saw I was capable though I didn't know it. He saw I needed a push to become a more actualized individual. He saw someone holding herself back, and he saw how he would try to fix that. It was a huge act of kindness. Once I took flight, both literally and figuratively, I in turn was able to see how generous this was of him. I have never, in all my life, known someone who was so determined to give me a lesson like this. New. This is the height of human connection. The epitome of selfless giving. The gifting of non tangible things. Love, courage, joy, faith, trust. Things we can't touch physically, but that touch us emotionally. Friendship, support, laughter. We see the invisible when we feel safe enough to open our eyes. We can almost visualize what was just minutes ago, only atmospheric. To have someone believe in you is life changing. It breathes new energy into you. Both the giver and receiver are jolted back to life. Awakened. New. The pride I continue to feel from having gotten through this experience successfully is overwhelming. Part of me can't believe I did it, but now an even bigger part of me believes I did. This new awareness of what I can do will propel me forward in every part of my life. It has already. There is no such thing as the heart being too open. We have more room for expansion than we will ever understand. This is what I will chase and collect; people who want me to be the best version of myself. This includes me. My mantra the other day really rattled me, because it was something I never thought of before,and it just popped into my head. New. It was this, "I'm here for you". I was talking to myself. When we can come home to ourselves, we can soar higher than we ever thought possible. We lift ourselves up. We aren't scared.  Know. Knew. New. Thanks, Man. I owe you one. I'm still never going bungee jumping🖕🏼. Maybe this is why I love 🇮🇱so much; when we visit a place of bravery, be it on the map or within ourselves, we are infused with that quality.  And we don't want to ever come down from that high.

Love, Lady Blaga

PS: I had to do it or he told me he'd have called me Lady Blah Blah, for preaching self growth while not doing it myself. Very impressive in its truth and cleverness. It's a good thing when someone calls you out on your shit. Listen, learn, and live. Everyone we meet is for a reason.